seek

I employ Buddhist skills.

I guess my unconscious process is unusually strong.

Last night, I had numerous dreams with my grandson as a theme. I did not choose this and don't *want* to think about him so much, consciously, not to mention, unconsciously.

I know I am personally grieving . . . I never occurred to me that he could grow up to be alcoholic.

As a parent, I had a set of beliefs that if you "train" someone and introduce them to healthy habits, they will adopt them as a survival skill. Why else would anyone ever both to teach their kids anything, if it is a futile exercise? I spent a lot of time trying to educate him about healthy habits and moral values.

I don't wish to argue about "the disease" of alcoholism - the thinking is definitely "diseased," as in unhealthy, and this saddens me - everyone wants healthy/happy kids - it doesn't make sense to think otherwise and when it doesn't happen, there is going to be a sense of loss and sadness . . . I don't know any parent or grandparent who can honestly say they are happy their child is alcoholic (like you hear some alcoholics say they are "grateful" - I get the concept of finding a wonderful new way of life, but are you also grateful you ruined your health and made other people's lives a living hell? - and please don't say the latter is not true - if it wasn't, there would be no need for amends).

Still processing and grieving.

LaTeeDa

As a parent, I believe it is my job to give my children the tools they need to be happy and healthy. And to set the example of living a healthy and happy life. Have I always succeeded at that? No, unfortunately, I haven't. But I do believe that I have given them the tools they need. Whether they choose to use those tools productively is out of my hands.

L

seek

Yes, I agree with you. The problem is the unconscious, which I have no control over.

LaTeeDa

In my view, the unconscious is really just stuff that was once conscious, but has become automatic. In other words, we have certain beliefs, some that we have held on to all our lives, that we don't even really think about anymore. They just are.

Some of the most difficult recovery work I have done involves digging out those hidden, subconscious or unconscious beliefs that I have been carrying around for most of my life and shining a discerning light on them. Are they true? Do they serve my best interests? Or maybe they just developed as a survival mechanism at some point and now need to be retooled to fit life as it is now.

As an example--in your previous post it would appear that you have a belief that if you "trained" your grandson properly and showed him the right way to live, then he shouldn't be an alcoholic. And it appears that this belief is causing you a lot of suffering.

As I mentioned above, a competent therapist could help you examine your unconscious beliefs and guide you in determining if they are helping you in your life or causing you unnecessary suffering. It's difficult work, but in my experience, well worth the effort.

L

Cyranoak

...my apologies.

C-