What constitutes abuse?
 

My brother and I were having a conversation about my alcoholic brother and my failed attempts at getting him into a treatment program. We began arguing and my brother said, "You're a f*cking loser, and thats why you were never able to get him help." The words stung and he has since apologized, but I am having a hard time forgiving him. He has been verbally abusive in the past but he claims all guys lose their temper..Advice? I feel like distancing myself from him. Thanks...

I would definitely distance myself from someone who verbally abuses me. No one deserves to be talked to like that. Would you accept that from a stranger? There is no good reason to accept it from a family member, either.

My brother has never spoken to me this way...

I don't think it's true that all guys are verbally abusive when they are angry, I have known many who are not. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. My axbf was verbally abusive to me on several occasions and it is difficult to get over.

Sounds like abuse to me. And no, not all guys do that.
Boundaries are in order.

My usual yard-stick is "if a co-worker treated me this way, would it be acceptable?" and it isn't acceptable is it?

It's also an odd choice of words: sure people get angry and frustrated and lose their temper but he wasn't shouting at you to leave him the "f" alone, to shut down the conversation, he was blaming you for your brother not getting help and throwing in some character assassination for good measure.

a bit of distance might not be a bad thing for now? Give you a chance to regroup?

when I was struggling with was I in an abusive marriage my sponsor asked me "if one of your daughters was living in the exact same situation, being treated the exact same way you are - would you consider it abuse? Would you feel they were being treated respectfully, honorably and with love?"

if not ~ then it might be an abusive relationship?

so if he had spoken to your daughter like that ~ how would you feel?

don't you deserve the same respect?

just my e, s, & h ~

IMO, whatever behavior you find yourself asking this question about, constitutes abuse.

What's particularly concerning is not only that he lashes out at you, but then primes you for future abuse by rationalizing why it's totally okay and acceptable for him to cut you off at the knees.

He's full of crap...
 

...and as a guy I'm offended by his ********, "guys all lose their temper" excuse for his poor behavior. It's just an excuse and it was an ******* comment on his part.

I am 47, and I have never, ever, ever, said anything like that to any of my five sisters and, frankly, not one of my five sisters would put up with that kind of crap anyway.

He owe's you an apology without excuses. If he's always like this consider that he may not be any better for you to be around than the other brother.

What a jackass.

Cyranoak

I'm 34 and I feel like a big baby because his words were so incredibly hurtful...it really pisses me off, because he said it when no one else was around, which makes me feel like he is a coward and bully.

If my brother ever said anything like that to me, I would be devastated.

Your brother might take it upon himself to learn about addiction.

Sounds like your feelings are very valid to me.

How dare you comes to mind, and really how dare him.

It's all about his inability to save his brother is my guess.

He can't save him, and either can you. Only difference is, you probably are aware of that, he isn't.

Words only hurt when you believe them. If he'd called you a "one horned, one eyed flying purple people eater" would you also have been feeling just as hurt?

UNEXCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR is unexceptable...

i dont care what it is...verbal? or physical?...its unexceptable...

ps...if you looking for validation on to distance(or boundaries) yourself from anyone (family or friends), you have come to the right place...do what you feel is nessary to YOU to be healthy and sane....