sdp

"Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care

My lips are moving and the sound's coming out
The words are audible but I have my doubts
That you realize what has been said
You look at me as if you're in a daze
It's like the feeling at the end of the page
when you realize you don't know what you just read

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it's no use talkin at all"

(Missing Persons)

Jon had posted this on another thread, and it has been runnibg through my head all day...

4 times in the last 2 months, my A has done something that has absolutely INFURIATED me..I'm not talking the stay out all nite things-they are so common they barely register.. These were biggies.
The last one was last weekend, and I have barely spoken to him since. I respond if he asks a direct question, but do not initiate any conversation. I mean, I've already said it all, and he chooses to ignore it, then wonders why I don't want to talk to him.
He even asked me if I was going to talk to him again. I responded "why should I??"..I really have nothing to say to him.

Anyway, this song pretty much explains my thoughts exactly...

JT

(((sdp)))

So...what is the plan? You have one don't you?

Are you going to sit tight and work on you?

Are you going to get support as in meetings?

Are you going to take care of the finances so you are able to make a choice if you want to?

Are you at a turning point?

Huge hugs,
JT

sdp

I don't know if I am at a turning point. I'm very disgusted, but not ready to leave or make him leave. I still need him for the mornings. My work is a good distance from where I live, and I have to be there by 7am. I would not be able to get the kids up and out for school, and I have no one that could help me with that.
My plan has ,vaguely, always been to wait until the kids are older and are more self sufficient, so they could be trusted to get themselves out the door.

I had left him several years ago, and it was a disaster. I had SOLE responsibilty, and couldn't take it.

I don't know about meetings. I had gone to them before, and did not find them helpful. I did not see much support available.

My family is 700 miles away. What I have here is all his family, and they are his drinking buddies. While they might agree that he goes too far, they are not willing to look too closely at it for fear of what they might see about themselves. Any way, if I WERE to make him leave, he would just move in with one of them and continue on as before. Probably worse.

The closest friend I have here is having her own problems.

So, my plan is to sit tight and work on me. I have improved greatly over the past few years, but I am not ready now to make such a change.

sdp

Whoops, forgot my manners!!
Thank you JT for your hugs and concern.

JT

sdp...a turning point does not mean leaving. It could mean that you make some adjustments in your own thinking and behaviors that allow you to have some peace while living with him. And it doeas sound like you have a plan...you could take small steps in that direction. Sometimes DOING something...even something small...makes us feel more empowered.

I see one thing at least to be grateful for. He spares you getting your kids up and out in the morning. Is there anything else you could appreciate about your life today??

Hugs,
JT

sdp

At work now. will respond later...

sdp

Yes, thanks, I am grateful for that, although he makes it harder on himself by making them take showers every morning. I think they could do baths at night, but he is the AM king, sooo....

I've had a bad day today and, unfortunately, am not feeling grateful for a lot of things(didn't sleep well, wayy too busy at work, PARKING TICKET!!!!)

However, I am grateful for my darling twin daughters who are,
thankfully, healthy. I am grateful to HAVE a job.. I have shelter, food. A car to get a PARKING TICKET for..

That's as far ay my mind will go today.

I just work on my self slowly. I like to read and make sure I have time to do it....

Grumble grumble... I need to go to bed early.

sdp

Little update

I was still not initiating any conversations with him. Therefore, he has been "showing me"-- of the past 7 nights, he has been out 6 of them...

He called abt 5:30 last nite, said he was helong a coworker move. Whatever. So I did what had to be done...

Anyway, he strolls in this am at 5:30 am. I leave for work abt 4:30, but he claimed not to know that. He knew... Anyway, he wanted to talk, and I explained to him that I saw no reason to talk as I have said , many many many times what I don't like, and he continues to do it.... I told him I was sick of it, and nothing would happen until there was a distinct improvement in his behavior.
He also denies that he was "showing me"..his take- why come home if he's going to be ignored??? Quack quack quack..

One funny thing tho- he mentioned that I was becoming "Ms. Take charge of the world", meaning that I am going ahead and doing what I need to do... I told him that I need to take care of me and the girls, and since I can't rely on him, I have to do what I have to do...

We've also had this conversation before(except for the take charge thing) so I'm not holding my breath here.

He pointed out that he was considerate enough to call and say he was going to be late..LATE?? 12 hours later??? That's considerate?? Should I have thanked him and patted him on the back?

Then he asks "permission" to go to a hockey game next week. i told him I couldn't control what he did, and even if I said no, he'd find a way to get back at me.

Plus, he didn't go to work today. I called home to check the line(we had had some problems yesterday)..when it worked, I hung up. He called me to see why i hung up on him.. Plus, he just slept all day, did NOTHING. I come home and the place is a wreck.
I'm not touching anything.