ACOA/Al Anon mtng in 20 min, thank god

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08-03-2012, 02:15 PM

# 1 (permalink)

rdlesstraveled

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Location: Richmond, VA

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ACOA/Al Anon mtng in 20 min, thank god

Although I have broken it off with my recovering BF, I still need help and I am still suffering and in pain.

I am going through a range of emotions (which seem to be changing by the hour). From hope, to hatred, to sadness, to guilt, to remorse, to hope.

Today I have signed onto my Verizon account so many times to unblock and block his number that I don't even know right now if it is still blocked or not.......

Part of me is done, but the other part is so hopeful that he will be waiting at my apartment when I finish this meeting, be on bended knee begging for my forgiveness and we live happily ever after. To me this is frightening and completely sick and distorted belief and fantasy on my part.

this afternoon I read a sample of "Women That Love Too Much" and it is me....spot-on. So I have a copy waiting for me at the local Barnes and Noble.

So please pray that I make it through the weekend without relapsing on him. I will keep rereading a journal I was keeping while dating him (everyday was unhappiness and anxiety-ridden) and read this new book and pray and go to Al Anon.

I have to remember that HE IS NOT WHO I THOUGHT HE WAS!!! IT WAS A MIRAGE! HE IS WHO HE IS RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT.........HE IS NOT A PROJECT AND HE DOESN'T LOVE ME, he simply NEEDS an ENABLER and I will not be happy with this arrangement. Sure it may make me INCREDIBLY happy at this moment (because it will be a temporary fix, a surge of happiness) but it is not reality, just lust, a bunch of hormones and a TON of nonsense.

OK, off to Al Anon lol

08-03-2012, 02:20 PM

# 2 (permalink)

DesertEyes

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Location: Starting over all over again

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Hang in there rdlesstraveled, we will all be right next to you in that meeting in spirit.

Mike

08-03-2012, 02:23 PM

# 3 (permalink)

Learn2Live

To thine own self be true.

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Location: U.S.A.

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Quote:

I have to remember that HE IS NOT WHO I THOUGHT HE WAS!!! IT WAS A MIRAGE! HE IS WHO HE IS RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT.........HE IS NOT A PROJECT AND HE DOESN'T LOVE ME, he simply NEEDS an ENABLER and I will not be happy with this arrangement.

Me too.

08-03-2012, 03:45 PM

# 4 (permalink)

shawty80

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Join Date: Jun 2011

Location: Texas

Posts: 266

oh my gosh, yep. i've been feeling all of that today, too. it really IS crazymaking, isn't it?!?

08-03-2012, 06:38 PM

# 5 (permalink)

Sanity2012

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Join Date: May 2012

Location: Dallas, Texas

Posts: 82

A mirage is a figment of your imagination. Who knew we could all have had such a vivid one!

08-05-2012, 01:35 PM

# 6 (permalink)

rdlesstraveled

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Location: Richmond, VA

Posts: 166

PHEW!!!! I made it guys!!!!!!

I spoke at the ACOA/Al Anon meeting that I went to on Friday and I cried. It was VERY therapeutic. Afterwards someone gave me a high-five!!! And that made all the difference in the world to me!!!!!!!

I made it through the weekend.... and it is amazing how much happier I am!!!!! xoxoxoxo

08-05-2012, 01:43 PM

# 7 (permalink)

Learn2Live

To thine own self be true.

Join Date: May 2009

Location: U.S.A.

Posts: 5,924

So glad to hear rdlesstraveled

keep going back!

08-06-2012, 05:17 AM

# 8 (permalink)

rdlesstraveled

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Join Date: Jul 2012

Location: Richmond, VA

Posts: 166

So this morning, riding into work, with the top down on my Jeep, it really hit me...... I am free of him. TOTALLY free. All these years of wondering if we were soulmates. hahahahaha! not a chance! My soulmate would definitely treat me better than him. My soulmate would never make me "work" to gain his affections. My soulmate just "is" and he "is" out there!

Oh, and my soulmate is NOT an alcoholic!!!!!!

It is amazing what a few days of freedom can do.....

Thanks everyone!!!!!!