There is life after codependency
Its_me_jen
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
There is life after codependency
I was just reading this thread .... it's a sticky with a large list of codependent traits. Not too long ago I had pretty much all of them.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
I'm not going to say they're all gone but many are and I think most importantly the ones that were most glaring and causing me the most amount of pain are gone.
All of these traits I had were not only preventing me from having the relationships I wanted but were making me (and most of my loved ones) miserable. I had no idea. I just thought I wasn't good enough, or these unsuccessful relationships were what I deserved, or I wasn't capable of "creating" the right relationship. If only I could me more this and less that.
In reality, I wasn't capable of being just me. For one, I didn't know who I was. Secondly, I was afraid if people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me or I would hurt them. Besides, if I could just make them happy, then I could be happy. Boy was I wrong.
I had no concept of putting myself first. Actually, I thought that was just a selfish act. Now I see it's not that at all. In fact, now that I'm able to be me, just be, the relationships in my life are so much more fulfilling.
I started working on these things that were preventing me from being happy and I started to see results. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I'm not being smothered any more. It really is an amazing feeling.
It's not always easy and I'm not perfect but it's so worth it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
I'm not going to say they're all gone but many are and I think most importantly the ones that were most glaring and causing me the most amount of pain are gone.
All of these traits I had were not only preventing me from having the relationships I wanted but were making me (and most of my loved ones) miserable. I had no idea. I just thought I wasn't good enough, or these unsuccessful relationships were what I deserved, or I wasn't capable of "creating" the right relationship. If only I could me more this and less that.
In reality, I wasn't capable of being just me. For one, I didn't know who I was. Secondly, I was afraid if people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me or I would hurt them. Besides, if I could just make them happy, then I could be happy. Boy was I wrong.
I had no concept of putting myself first. Actually, I thought that was just a selfish act. Now I see it's not that at all. In fact, now that I'm able to be me, just be, the relationships in my life are so much more fulfilling.
I started working on these things that were preventing me from being happy and I started to see results. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I'm not being smothered any more. It really is an amazing feeling.
It's not always easy and I'm not perfect but it's so worth it.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
I am glad for me that i am not that people pleaser that is so busy that i can not say NO...
NO is now in my daily routine...and its a complete sentence which i love, i dont have to explain myself anymore...
NO is now in my daily routine...and its a complete sentence which i love, i dont have to explain myself anymore...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: DC
Posts: 24
WHOA. I never actually applied the traits of codependency to my ex...just to myself. Fortunately, I'm not...really. But, my ex, though he was the one to break it off (albeit, rather mysteriously and suddenly) has a ****-ton of the CD characteristics you identify here and in your other post regarding codependency. Thanks!
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