he drank last night (and blamed me)
 

I effed up (again)

Every outlet for XBF to contact me was blocked except for my work phone...... and that is what got me.

I unfortunately picked up the phone...... grrrrrrrr

He began by saying "Really J???? Really? You are just going to do this? Really?"

"yes, nothing has changed" I replied

Which was proceeded by him saying that my actions were typical and that he couldn't believe that I was totally overlooking the positive.

I referred back to the lying. He argued that if he told me the truth (that he had dated his ex right up until we got back together) that that wouldn't have "flown with me"

My reply? "And the way you handled it did?"

He then proceeds to argue that he knew that I would do this and that I was just looking for a reason to leave and that he didn't cheat and that he was embarrassed

Mind you this convo is occurring at my job and my voice is getting louder and louder. I ended up "unblocking him" and calling him from my cell phone to finish the conversation.

After we talked (which went nowhere and were only heated words exchanged) he sent several texts. He wrote that he was done, that I needed to return a necklace he bought me, that i should never call or text him again, that I didn't need to block him because he would never call or text me again.

Then silence......................

Then I get a text this morning which stated that he drank last night ;( He wrote "Are you happy, I drank last night?"

Now I feel like crap because I feel like I did mentally mess him up.:c021:

WHY did I have to talk to him?????? I am the one that is sick.

After he texted that he drank, I sent him a reply,
"I'm not to blame for you drinking. But I am sad that it came to that."


He just sent me another text,

"Sure you are. You're never accountable for $hit! You just run away! Mail that necklace back, you don't deserve that from me! I'm busy as $hit today, so I'm not doing this no more! Just respect what I asked and move on!!

It's NOT You!
 

You had/have nothing to do with being messed up, my dear. It's all him. Always will be him.

The Three Cs helped me in times like these.

I did not cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. The choice to drink was on him.

I had to answer a "few" more times so I learned the lesson that no contact = no new hurts

"Change your number and dont take any calls from it at work, you may want to contact the police about a restraining order.".....you're welcome.

You did not mentally mess him up, he did.
Did you sit on him and pour the booze down his throat?
He is an alcoholic, he drank-that is what they do.

I am so tired of the guilt we allow them to put on us.
I am so tired of their whiney, poor me garbage.
I am so tired of knowing an alcoholic, reading about it, hearing about it.
I am tired.
I am NC.

Thank you. No contact feels cruel, but this whole mess (these angry outbursts via text and phone calls are cruel too).

I reblocked him. Will accept no more phone calls from him.

DONE, DONE, DONE.

blocked him and will change my number if he tries to call me from a different number (to be honest, I don't think that he is bright enough to even realize this)

I work at a state university. If he calls me, I won't answer, I will just pick up the phone and transfer his call straight to campus police.

thank you for saying this. I was mad at myself for answering, but maybe I needed to see that nothing will change..... EVER.

NC is not cruel-it is ESSENTIAL for your well being.
Stay strong, and continue with NC.
Come here for support 100 times a day, if need be.

It gets easier and easier every day.
We are worth so much more than the **** they give us..
You deserve someone much, much better.

Most alcoholics are not capable of any kind of loving relationship. Ever.

(((rdlesstraveled))) I'm sorry that speaking to him has upset you so much. The peace that comes with no contact is priceless.

Oh, and you no more caused him to drink than I did....and you are not being "cruel" to him. You are merely protecting your own peace of mind--you are worthy of that. You are worthy of peace and joy!

Soooooo he says you caused him to drink last night? Really here we go again with the blame game. You can't cause him to drink anymore than you can be the reason he DOESN'T drink. God knows we've all triie that and look how well it's worked out for us.

This man is manipulating you in order to get control back, not of his disease of YOU!

Stay strong, we're all here for you. :c014:

Yes. And if I didn't re-block him, the next barage of texts would be the "I am soooo sorry, I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" texts.

Yes and he is so good at manipulating! I wonder why alcoholics are so good at this?????

I couldn't make my exH do ANYthing. Drink included.
You did not cause him to buy alcohol, to put it in his mouth. It doesn't even sound like you did anything but break contact.

Every addict searches for any reason to drink when they really want to/need to.
He doesn't take responsibility for $hit.
My ex would drink because it rained that day, or because a 'friend' was sad.
Any reason. all reasons.

Please just carry on. Don't pick up the ball. Leave it in his court. It is HIS addiction.

Your addiction may be dealing with him. Just keep working on yours.

I think you should consider changing your phone number and do not allow him to call you at work.

Of course it is not your fault he began drinking, but you do need to disengage with this person for your own sanity.

He cannot manipulate you if you have no contact with him. If you want to move on and put this crap behind you, YOU are the one who is going to have to do it. No contact means NO CONTACT. If he calls your work, and you know it's him, don't answer. If you don't know it's him, hang up as soon as you do know. It's all up to you.

So you realize that it is his battle alone to not reach for the bottle as his coping method. He will have to learn a NEW coping method, well, several.

What NEW coping methods can you learn when he sets you off so easily emotionally?

This is about YOU...how you react instead of respond. I too have had to learn this very same lesson.
I was a puppet on a string, and he held that string. I gave him all my power for a long long time.

Sounds like you need a cup of tea. ;)

Hypatia,

I absolutely love this! I read this the other day and could just picture you sitting there, calm and composed and contemplating how you could force this man to drink your tea. It really paints a realistic picture of how I should be handling this. Thank you for your wise and witty advice.

One more thing for you to consider: