witharealwinner

Gosh, this sounds sooo much like something my exabf did near the very end.

I stupidly bought him a new car battery b/c I was desperate to have him leave our home to get him away from us. Part of the deal was I'd buy his battery and gas to make the 2hr drive back home. He agreed, until the time actually came. He NEVER left, he lied and manipulated me and I stupidly thought he'd actually go. Yeah right.

There was another time where I gave him money to make the trip back home, to buy gas and whatever he needed. Did he leave?? Nope, stayed around and bought himself beer.

I know what you feel about leaving the home to him. My ex's name is on this home and I wasn't about to leave and let him take care of it. He'd never be able to keep up on the utilites, taxes and whatnot. Now that I've got him out via the pfa, I need to figure out a way to get his name off this house. He has no job and from what I know, he's mooching off his 80-something year old uncle now.

Any money gets or will get goes right to his beer fund.

amy55

Lulu,

I don't know what country you are in,and I do not know the laws of your country. But what I do get from all of this is that you have had it, and you want him gone. Personally I would take the money that you got from the tax return and use it to retain a lawyer. Find out from a lawyer how to get him out of there.

I do have the feeling from what you wrote, that you do know that you are not responsible for how he lives his life.

I also understand that the amount of money you would need to use is just worth it to get him out of your life.

I feel for you, I really do. I know how hard they have to push to get us to that state of mind.

Please contact an attorney.

As for your other question, about how a person can drink, smoke, and do pot? Wow!!!

I am a recovering alcoholic. So I know that when I was drinking, I didn't need much food. I could go days without eating. Now I did smoke marijuana a few times. Only because I didn't like the way I felt from it. If I felt good from it, I would have smoked it more!!!!!!!!!!!!! But the few times that I did smoke marijuana, I know that I got the munchies. I had to eat. In fact they give this to cancer patients, so that they can eat. So I don't understand that part.

Contact an attorney, he is not going to just agree to leave.

sugarbear1

if you smoke enough weed & have an alcohol buzz, you don't get the munchies, I didn't. Weed made for a better alcohol buzz, the alcohol was my "food."

amy55

Thanks for enlightening bout this. Like I said, never smoked much weed. It made me paranoid. Last time I did smoke it was when I was going thru cancer treatment. Wasn't drinking then.


That's what I like about this site, I keep getting more educated. Again thanks

Lulu39

Ok I get it and thank you.

I was thinking about my reaction to that post today.

Who am I and what am I being if I say that I am so used to being gas-lighted and tricked and flipped by words that my first reaction is to defend?

I don't do it with arse-hole any longer. I ignore and do not respond, he is not worth a reaction from me. He gets a reaction from me, but it's never anything that I show to him. I wait until he is passed out, like Hypatia's husband, in the chair.

Then I spit on his clean clothes, his glasses, his wallet, his phone, whatever I can find.

I am a disgusting person. I spit on his stuff! How rational is that?

GettingBy

I get it LuLu... I used to get so angry at my XAH. I used to say all sorts of nasty disrespectful things to him. I would not wash his clothes just to be a brat. It was childish on my part. I was throwing a temper tantrum because I didn't like how he behaved but I didn't realize I HAD the power to change it. I had sat around waiting for him to do something (get sober, stop being angry, move out, etc).... Never realizing that I could take charge of my life.

When I took responsiblity for my life, things finally got better.

Girl, take back your power. You have a raving lunatic roaming your house... Terrorizing you and your children, and possibly going to burn your house down.

What's your bottom? When will you say enough is enough?

Katiekate

I am a disgusting person. I spit on his stuff! How rational is that?

I don't know how rational it is, to me it sounds like very intense anger, it's a safe way to express it without hurting yourself or someone else.

But honey, you might want to start getting some kind of support for that.

You are hurting, anger and pain were my biggest motivatiors.

Please kee posting, the folks here helped me so much when I was in the same place you are now. It's a safe place to vent and get support.

We really do care about you. hugs Katie

itsmylifenow

Wow, the fire in the kitchen with my kids in the house would have been the end for me right there.

My Abf would tell me numerous mornings how he'd put something in the toaster oven at 3 a.m. only to fall asleep and find it all burned up in the morning. This happened more than once and I always wondered when he would burn his house down with him in it. He never seemed to have any realization of the damage it could have done though and always laughed about it in the morning as another one of those silly things that happens when you drink too much.

To comment on other aspects of your post - we can do whatever we need to when we are armed - with knowledge. Assuming a situation can't be fixed or something can't be changed without fully knowing our options is a foolish mistake (and one I'm guilty of).

As everyone has suggested, head to a lawyer. Find out your rights, what your options are and make a plan of action. Gather whatever information you need to make the best decisions you can and protect you and your family.

((Hugs))