She left rehab early
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 21
She left rehab early
She did it, she only had about another week, just got her 30 days clean (green button???).
Now she is down in Florida and I’m up here in NJ. She called saying she needed money cause she only had $30. I had all her credit cards and debit cards. I told her to go to the bank and get an emergency debit card. I thought she would book a flight and come home.
Her cousin lives in Florida and she recently has gotten back in touch with her after 15 years. So she is going to see her (her cousin is also a recovering alcoholic). I spoke with her cousin and she already has an AA meeting lined up for tonight. So I think she is in good hands.
Why would she leave early being so close to completing her 30 days? She said they are controlling and have stupid rules. These are the same rules she lived with for the past 3 weeks, what changed. And that’s what rehab is.
This is a bad sign, isn’t it?
Now she is down in Florida and I’m up here in NJ. She called saying she needed money cause she only had $30. I had all her credit cards and debit cards. I told her to go to the bank and get an emergency debit card. I thought she would book a flight and come home.
Her cousin lives in Florida and she recently has gotten back in touch with her after 15 years. So she is going to see her (her cousin is also a recovering alcoholic). I spoke with her cousin and she already has an AA meeting lined up for tonight. So I think she is in good hands.
Why would she leave early being so close to completing her 30 days? She said they are controlling and have stupid rules. These are the same rules she lived with for the past 3 weeks, what changed. And that’s what rehab is.
This is a bad sign, isn’t it?
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
I am sorry your going thru this but it doesn't sound good. My experience w an A is blaming others is bad sign. I wouldn't give money bc every time I did I regret and only caused more damage. Something isn't good but maybe she was asked to leave or simply decided no interested in getting help. Either way, be careful.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
You are going to be OK. Remember, she is making her own decisions - and she can take care of herself.
She is making reckless decisions right now and you are not on the hook to accommodate them.
If you rescue her from Florida - she'll learn only one thing - that you will rescue her. If she is to learn anything at all about how her decisions impact her life, she has to feel the impact.
Thinking of you. Say the serenity prayer as often as needed.
She is making reckless decisions right now and you are not on the hook to accommodate them.
If you rescue her from Florida - she'll learn only one thing - that you will rescue her. If she is to learn anything at all about how her decisions impact her life, she has to feel the impact.
Thinking of you. Say the serenity prayer as often as needed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 21
I know, I have the same bad feelings.
Hope for the best, expect the worst.
It was strange, when I talked to her last night she seems so hopfull and proud of herself getting 30 days clean and working on her 2nd step.
I know, putting my hopes on another person is only asking to be hurt.
Crossing fingers!
Hope for the best, expect the worst.
It was strange, when I talked to her last night she seems so hopfull and proud of herself getting 30 days clean and working on her 2nd step.
I know, putting my hopes on another person is only asking to be hurt.
Crossing fingers!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Thinking of you. No it doesn't sound great but as none of us have a crystal ball all you can do is wait & watch & listen.
The one particularly striking thing in this is her mixed messages of feeling good about having 30 days sober and simultaneously saying the program that have her that sobriety was too controlling etc. I can imagine how worried you are about what all thus means & I feel for you.
The one particularly striking thing in this is her mixed messages of feeling good about having 30 days sober and simultaneously saying the program that have her that sobriety was too controlling etc. I can imagine how worried you are about what all thus means & I feel for you.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Lots of people leave rehab for various reasons. They typically are not a vacation like experience. Usually, institutional type food, uncomfortable bed, sometimes more rules than actual jail, ect... But having said that it doesn't always mean they just are going to pick up ASAP. She is going to a sober relative so I think thats a good sign.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 21
I agree not the best situation. I would have liked her to stay the whole time.
I just spoke with her on the phone, she did go to a meeting and is planning on going to two tomorrow. She said all the things I wanted to hear, she knows she an addict and wants to get better, going to meetings, never wants to go back to where she was. I believe she believes what she is saying. She never really lies (how unusual)and speaks her feelings truly. She is a tough girl and made it out of the south Bronx with 2 plus masters.
What she said happen is another patient (a guy) verbally attacked her saying he wanted to tie bricks to her feet and though her off the dock. She responded that you better knock me out cause I’ll stab you first.
Guess the staff caught wind of what was going on and she said they took away all her privileges, pool, beach, going out shopping and needed to stay in her room except for meetings, meals and group. At this point she lost it and said, “I’m out of here”
I not passing judgment here and I’m sure the staff didn’t know who started it. I really don’t think it was her, she’s not really like that, but if you push her, she will fight back. I assume they need to be treated like kids in school, you start a fight, you both get in trouble.
About the money…she works, makes her own money, but we need both salaries to pay all the bills. She took a car service to her cousin’s for $350. She could have flown home for cheaper, but she said she really wasn’t ready to come back, she was planning on being away for another week or so and said she should be coming home in a week or so. I predict a few days as she is sleeping on a sofa.
Well this totally messed up my day and wouldn’t you know it work has be crazier then ever (12 -14 hour days), but it does keep my mind off it, a bit. I just home I can get out tomorrow in time to make my alanon meeting.
In one way I’m luck she did fly home tonight, the house is a total wreck, dirty dishes, dirty cloths, the room isn’t ready, dog hair everywhere (talk about a stress causer )
Today I’m grateful for my dogs (I have 3 rescues).
I just spoke with her on the phone, she did go to a meeting and is planning on going to two tomorrow. She said all the things I wanted to hear, she knows she an addict and wants to get better, going to meetings, never wants to go back to where she was. I believe she believes what she is saying. She never really lies (how unusual)and speaks her feelings truly. She is a tough girl and made it out of the south Bronx with 2 plus masters.
What she said happen is another patient (a guy) verbally attacked her saying he wanted to tie bricks to her feet and though her off the dock. She responded that you better knock me out cause I’ll stab you first.
Guess the staff caught wind of what was going on and she said they took away all her privileges, pool, beach, going out shopping and needed to stay in her room except for meetings, meals and group. At this point she lost it and said, “I’m out of here”
I not passing judgment here and I’m sure the staff didn’t know who started it. I really don’t think it was her, she’s not really like that, but if you push her, she will fight back. I assume they need to be treated like kids in school, you start a fight, you both get in trouble.
About the money…she works, makes her own money, but we need both salaries to pay all the bills. She took a car service to her cousin’s for $350. She could have flown home for cheaper, but she said she really wasn’t ready to come back, she was planning on being away for another week or so and said she should be coming home in a week or so. I predict a few days as she is sleeping on a sofa.
Well this totally messed up my day and wouldn’t you know it work has be crazier then ever (12 -14 hour days), but it does keep my mind off it, a bit. I just home I can get out tomorrow in time to make my alanon meeting.
In one way I’m luck she did fly home tonight, the house is a total wreck, dirty dishes, dirty cloths, the room isn’t ready, dog hair everywhere (talk about a stress causer )
Today I’m grateful for my dogs (I have 3 rescues).
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I wish you well. I read your posts and I sense you might be expecting some magic solution from one day to the other. Better to focus on your days, your health... good for you for attending Alanon. Since I ceased to expect things from others my life has improved. Life will keep unfolding. All I can control is my thought, my words, my actions... "people show you who they are, believe them". She is behaving in an unstable way.. that does not mean that you have to feel unstable as well.
\Hugs
\Hugs
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