"I'll tell you when I mess up."
RNAlanon
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Murrells Inlet, S.C.
Posts: 17
"I'll tell you when I mess up."
This is what my sister told me via text (the new form of 'talking' these days lol) she's more honest and real with me in the past few text...even a compliment here and there 
. I find myself trying to use the tools learned in Al-Anon, but question my response in my head before I text back. I told her she didn't have to tell me anything. That I am here if she just needs to vent and I would do so without judgement. That I would just listen. And I mean that. She said "Everyone keeps telling me I'll mess up and I'll honestly tell you when I drink.". Really? I'd rather NOT know!! Ya know?? I asked her why she was setting herself up for failure and "projecting" (I'm learning folks 
) what the future holds. She told me I guess some of the new ppl she's met in recovery have told her that. And how after relapses/slips the proverbial time "hit" them and they recovered. My sister says she's "not ready for total recovery." please explain the meaning of this to me. I'm having a hard time comprehending that statement. Thanks!!
. I find myself trying to use the tools learned in Al-Anon, but question my response in my head before I text back. I told her she didn't have to tell me anything. That I am here if she just needs to vent and I would do so without judgement. That I would just listen. And I mean that. She said "Everyone keeps telling me I'll mess up and I'll honestly tell you when I drink.". Really? I'd rather NOT know!! Ya know?? I asked her why she was setting herself up for failure and "projecting" (I'm learning folks ) what the future holds. She told me I guess some of the new ppl she's met in recovery have told her that. And how after relapses/slips the proverbial time "hit" them and they recovered. My sister says she's "not ready for total recovery." please explain the meaning of this to me. I'm having a hard time comprehending that statement. Thanks!! 
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Hi BSN
I would also be uninterested in hearing about her mistakes, etc.
With the alcoholics in my life, I just accept them as they are. My mother, her siblings, and my grandmother. I have learned how to detach and now I slowly learning to detach with love. I love my family, but I cannot be around them very often and I keep my distant.
The illness is such that no one really tries to do anything about it. They just continue to drink and there is no attempts to stop.
So, I just go my way and they goes there. Only she knows what she means by "not ready for total recovery." And she probably doesn't even know. In Al-Anon, I have learned not to try and figure anyone else out but me.
Here is a giant
for you.
Love and Light,
Lily
I would also be uninterested in hearing about her mistakes, etc.
With the alcoholics in my life, I just accept them as they are. My mother, her siblings, and my grandmother. I have learned how to detach and now I slowly learning to detach with love. I love my family, but I cannot be around them very often and I keep my distant.
The illness is such that no one really tries to do anything about it. They just continue to drink and there is no attempts to stop.
So, I just go my way and they goes there. Only she knows what she means by "not ready for total recovery." And she probably doesn't even know. In Al-Anon, I have learned not to try and figure anyone else out but me.
Here is a giant
for you. Love and Light,
Lily
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Not ready for total recovery? Is that like having a "partial lobotomy"? Or eating a "low fat double bacon cheeseburger"?
In this case, it really is recovery - or not. It sounds as if she has chosen not to for now. Best to just let her be.
In this case, it really is recovery - or not. It sounds as if she has chosen not to for now. Best to just let her be.
RNAlanon
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Murrells Inlet, S.C.
Posts: 17
That's why I initially asked the question regarding 'total' recovery. Meaning, are there different STEPS in recovering from addiction(s) as are STEPS in grief, loss, and STEPS in groups such as AA and Al-Anon . I am fairly new to the disease of alcoholism, and wanted to make SURE I was not being fleighty in my thinking like "you either are or not recovering from alcohol/addiction(s).". Don't mean to pass judgement on anyone's recovery. For it is their OWN. I know this. I was merely looking for insight for others to make sure I was still learning and following. That is all. I am not dumb, and being a nurse I have been taught to be a critical thinker and look at things from a holistic approach in life. Must say I'm a little taken aback at the partial lobotomy question. I'm all for blunt and raw but that had me rely with this soliloquy. Best to all.
. I am fairly new to the disease of alcoholism, and wanted to make SURE I was not being fleighty in my thinking like "you either are or not recovering from alcohol/addiction(s).". Don't mean to pass judgement on anyone's recovery. For it is their OWN. I know this. I was merely looking for insight for others to make sure I was still learning and following. That is all. I am not dumb, and being a nurse I have been taught to be a critical thinker and look at things from a holistic approach in life. Must say I'm a little taken aback at the partial lobotomy question. I'm all for blunt and raw but that had me rely with this soliloquy. Best to all.
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