lizziegirl

Amazing I had the same evening last night and every weekend night for the past 3 weeks. Boyfriend was sober for 9 months. ( I broke up with him after 4 years together last august because of his drinking morning to night) I moved away, he went to rehab got sober and I came back to town 2 months into his sobriety, we got back together and for the next 7 months everything was great, we were happy going on dates etc....then we moved in together and the very first night he went to his old hang out and got drunk and drove my car. He said it was a slip up and it wouldn't happen again......well that was 3 weeks ago and now its back to the way it used to be. Every night that he is drunk I get numerous text messages about I was the one who dumped him, moved away, now he believes I was cheating on him and keeps calling me a wh.... I tried to not fight back with angry words but lost it after the last comment. Now it 10:00 in the morning on a Sunday and where is he in the bar. At least I won't let him take my car but he is still driving drunk. He told me last night I was a miserable person who will never be happy and he has fun drinking and wants to do it. I am not fun like his friends...and we spend enough time together and he wants to be with his "friends". You know drinking friends are only friends when your a drunk with them, none of these "friends" were supportive of him while sober. They would say to him when he called them you can have a beer once in awhile....what kind of friend is this? I hate feeling like I am the one who causes his drinking....I was the enabler the last time, I supported him gave him money to drink, this time I have not given him money as he has two jobs since being sober but I am afraid he will lose them due to drinking. People blamed me the first time that he drank so much because of me, since we got back together while he was sober is it my fault again, do I make him so unhappy that he has to turn to alcohol?

sugarbear1

HE makes himself so unhappy he turns to alcohol. It's untreated alcoholism. Until he decides to stay stopped and to do something about it, he will retreat to this vicious cycle of self-destruction and he will keep taking you down with him.

So sorry, but that is reality.

What will you choose to do? Now it's time for you to take care of you.

I wish you well.
Love & hugs,

suki44883

Hi, Lizzie. Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here. Glad you found us.

I know it's hard, but try not to take his drinking personally. He isn't drinking AT you, he's drinking because he is an alcoholic. Nothing is more important to an addict than their drug. Also, please know that you cannot save him. If he wants to drink, he will drink. Nothing you say or do will make him stop and nothing you say or do will cause him to drink more. He doesn't drink because you are no fun, he drinks because that is what he wants to do and he goes out with "friends" to drink because they want to drink, too.

I hope you'll stick around here and read and post often. It will help. Please take time to read the "stickie" posts at the top of the first page of the F&F forum. You will find a lot of helpful information there. Please know that you are not alone. Most of us have dealt with this and many of us have found a way out. Again, welcome to SR.

lizziegirl

Thank you!

ZiggyB

Hi Lizzie,
I'm sorry to hear about your story. No it is definitely not your fault that he is continuing to drink. I went through the same thing with my ex bf where he was always out at the bar getting drunk, or drinking at home by himself. When he would come to my house he would sometimes bring booze and hide it.

I got the same b.s. about how I wasn't supportive of his "friends" who were out getting drunk with him, and he needed someone who was more outgoing and sociable, i.e. he needed another barfly I guess.

He told me he was cutting down numerous times and quitting smoking but that never seemed to happen. His behavior became verbally abusive as I watched him slip further and further away from the person I had once known, and morphed into an angry, critical, unreliable and moody person.

You will never be happy with a person like this, I say cut your losses and run. He has made his choice, drinking is more important to him than being in a healthy relationship. The most you can hope for are little scraps of attention in between the times he is driving you crazy.