debo5

i have read this so many times on here and i am ready to understand what it means. i feel left out :rotfxko

Learn2Live

I know the NOW!!!!! thing VERY well. I know, I know. But this is practice. You are practicing how to be healthier. And it is healthier to not react. It is wiser to just observe. It does not matter what he does. What matters is your peace & serenity.

debo5

L2L, you sound like a pro! it's late already, i have had a great day. Other then a crisis of an hour or two. I am also having quite a good evening too. I am making my son's birthday gift. 2 or 3 weeks ago i bought all the stuff and was so paralized by all of this that i could not sit down to do it. Now i am actually doing it. I am looking at the progress thinking of his smiles on his birthday.
I am lucky to be able to raise him on my own! As much as i am ready to sell him to the highest bidder sometimes.
i think now is the time to concentrate on the second part of the serenity prayer "to accept the things i can not change".

Learn2Live

You're funny. Thanks. Yes, I've been in many relationships with alcoholics and addicts. Getting out of them is tough but it really is a mindgame. You have to outsmart the disease. Being distracted us good. But make sure you are learning about yourself too. Because life has a funny way of bringing you the same lesson over and over until you learn it.

debo5

it is crazy to me how deep and fast i have fallen into co dependency. I have no family history of addiction of any sort. other then smoking. Have never been with anyone who does/did anything like this before. I basically (other then my dad passing away) grew up in a perfect and happy and loving home.
That is one thing i hope to discover on this journey, why me? Why do i have this in me?

debo5

Oh, did i write an email! Scary what came out. But it is not sent. I wrote it in a word document. There are others in there to him too. hihi.