Blindsided yesterday

Old 07-28-2012, 10:20 AM
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Blindsided yesterday

My AH blindsided me yesterday- he finally followed through with something he has been "threatening" to do for years- he moved out. I was blindsided because I am so used to him NOT doing what he says he is going to do. I have very mixed feelings about this- I am scared because I feel vulnerable financially; he never followed through cooperating to get the separation agreement we had discussed getting. I feel as though our finances should have been separated before he moved out but, of course, his immaturity will not allow him to be patient. He basically made a barter deal with a woman- a place to stay for working for her 12 hrs a week. I guess if he wants to be another woman's b**** instead of my husband, that's his choice to make. Why am I STILL continually shocked by his behavior? I suppose my next step should be to get my own lawyer. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do that- I hate the idea of dealing with anything legal, and was hoping we could cooperate with a separation agreement. Guess it's going to end up costing much more than it has to. I feel I have no choice- I really don't trust him. Does this sound like logical thinking? I am questioning my own judgement right now because I am reeling with anger and anxiety. I don't even know how to begin shopping for a lawyer. Can I change the locks, or is he free to come and go as he pleases? The house is in both of our names. I didn't want him to move out before we had a separation agreement in place, but now that he's gone I don't want him coming back. On the up side, I am already starting to feel a measure of peace and relief that he is gone.
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Old 07-28-2012, 10:34 AM
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Ask friends who divorced who they used for a lawyer.

Call Monday and ask for a free consultation with a lawyer who deals in divorce. Make appointments with more than one lawyer. Take copies of your financial records (income tax reports, mortgage payments, debts) and find out what your legal rights are.

I can't tell you what your rights are about your home. Each state may vary.

I was living in Georgia when I separated and divorced. My name was not on the mortgage. I took temporary possession of the marital home. I had no right to deny him access to the home. I had the right to call the cops if he showed up drunk.

Getting a free legal consultation does not obligate you to a divorce. It is a positive step you take to determine you legal rights and help you make healthy choices for yourself.
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Old 07-28-2012, 10:50 AM
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I agree with Pelican, find an attorney, and protect yourself.

I am hoping (for your sake) in some small way, his change of residence, offers you some relief, and also the opportunity for you to take some healthy steps to go forward in your life.

Even though you're currently stressed, it can't be any worse than dealing with the daily shenanigan's of an active alkie. At least now you are in the driver's seat, and can take control of your own life.

Sending you support.
Peace
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Old 07-29-2012, 05:11 AM
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I actually don't have any friends or family who have been divorced- as common as it is out there, It is new to my world. That may be part of the reason I am taking this so slow- not ready for a "divorce" yet, but OK with a separation agreement. His actions are making it necessary for me to react to them on his timetable. I feel overwhelmed and out of control; I don't feel like I can make rational, good decisions, yet I know I need to do something. I was able to my an appt. for tomorrow with a lawyer I found on an online lawyer referral service- I hope he is a good one. I will look to make a consult with a couple more (I guess I'll use the service to find them, too) after the weekend on Monday morning. I wish I knew someone personally who has been through this and could direct me to a good lawyer- I feel like I'm shooting in the dark. Since he left, things, of course have been much calmer on the homefront. I am surprised that I do miss him, though, now that he is physically gone. He certainly abandoned me emotionally some time ago. It could be that now I have to figure out how to do all the "man" things around the house that he used to do, and I'm not exactly sure what they are or how to do them. He is also a workaholic and worked nonstop at his job and at home. I think that's why he's comfortable making the barter arrangement. I apparently never "appreciated" everything he did and he made me feel as though I am incapable of doing anything. Iam so exhausted and overwhelmed.
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