Newlyweds, Husband on downward sprial.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Originally Posted by owathu 
It's not easy. I love this man so much. When he is sober, he is quite frankly one of the most beautiful persons I ever met. I'm hanging our love on who he is 20% of the time and ignoring the 80% staring me in the face.
He will be devastated when I leave. This I know, and that is what is holding me back. I don't want to ruin him. But what's better, I prop him up artificially? Trust me, I have thought of that. He doesn't beat me, if I don't confront him, he is so loving and affectionate...we could go on like this for decades. And the here I am, giving my life so he doesn't feel the pain of realizing he is a drunk. I can't do that to him either.
He will be devastated when I leave. This I know, and that is what is holding me back. I don't want to ruin him. But what's better, I prop him up artificially? Trust me, I have thought of that. He doesn't beat me, if I don't confront him, he is so loving and affectionate...we could go on like this for decades. And the here I am, giving my life so he doesn't feel the pain of realizing he is a drunk. I can't do that to him either.
Learning not to engage when he was drunk was really, really hard, because I just wanted to make it better. All it made me was more nuts though.
It feels important to mention the three Cs at this point.
I did not cause this
I cannot control this (even by doing everything "right" for him
I cannot cure this
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Dont' worry about ruining him, he is well on his way to ruining you.
I mean that.
Good idea to get educated about alcohol, maybe get some real time support, al anon, counseling.
Think long and hard about how all of this is going to impact the rest of your life.
What you husband said to you is just the beginning, he will feed on your vunerabilities like snake.
As a newlywed, you should be enjoying and fantasizing about the future.
Honey, don't let this terrible beginning be your legacy.
sending you lots of love. Katie
I mean that.
Good idea to get educated about alcohol, maybe get some real time support, al anon, counseling.
Think long and hard about how all of this is going to impact the rest of your life.
What you husband said to you is just the beginning, he will feed on your vunerabilities like snake.
As a newlywed, you should be enjoying and fantasizing about the future.
Honey, don't let this terrible beginning be your legacy.
sending you lots of love. Katie
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
I Feel For You
Being the hopeless romantic that I am, it hurts me to read this posting. I knew from the beginning of my marriage that my Wife liked to 'live it up', but figured that after settling into marriage, that things would change.
Unfortunately, they never really did change, and now things are slowly starting to go downhill.
I'm not sure what the future holds - if she gets to therapy like she says, then maybe things will improve.
I have a hard time imagining myself in a marriage where this disease is present and spend the next 30-40-50 years like that.
God Bless, and Good Luck
Unfortunately, they never really did change, and now things are slowly starting to go downhill.
I'm not sure what the future holds - if she gets to therapy like she says, then maybe things will improve.
I have a hard time imagining myself in a marriage where this disease is present and spend the next 30-40-50 years like that.
God Bless, and Good Luck
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