one more chance after a bipolar diagnosis?

Old 07-26-2012, 03:52 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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it goes like this:

one more chance, one more chance, one more chance, ad infinitum

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Old 07-26-2012, 04:44 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Hypatia View Post
This thread has been bothering me all day. On re-reading the first post, I finally realised what it was.

There it is. Black and white. There's nothing more to discuss. You're done.
Right, I agree now. I was initally just looking for a reason to give him another chance. I'm realizing a lot of things, like if he stays here with his dad it will just be a distructive cycle. He won't get any better if his dad and I keep enabling him. I see that and am stepping back, trying to get a plan together for myself and my son. But his dad is still in full blown enabling mode. Ick.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:14 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Electric Lights, it really doesn't matter who is in enabling mode, unless it's YOU!

Here's a thought to ponder: who makes better, more sane, more liveable decisions: your mom, or your abf?

I grew up with an alcoholic father, and as my marriage of almost 20 years is ending, to my horror, I am realizing that I re-created the dysfunction of my childhood in this marriage. From my experience, this is NOT something that you want for your daughter; this is NOT something that you want for yourself.

Here's another thought to ponder: you are a mother, a daughter, a girlfriend, and you are an individual with your own future ahead of you.

What are the obligations and responsibilities of all of those roles? And, how do your prioritize which obligations and responsibilities are the most important?

It may help you to try and step back from the immediacy of this situation, from the "noise" of your abf and his enabling father, and take a long view of the long future ahead.

This sounds like one of those pivot points that comes along only a few times in your life; the road you take now will open or close many doors in the future.

Keep posting, we're all rooting for you.

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Old 07-26-2012, 05:42 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Please listen to your Mum. Do NOT at this time bring his problems into your
son's life.

Let me tell you a short story of my own Experience. In 1972 I was diagnosed
(yes I was still drinking) as Manic Depressive/Schizophrenic and chose at that
time to do nothing about it as the medications they wanted me to take made
me all 'dopey' (go figure as alcohol didn't do that, lol).

9 years later in June of '81 I found recovery from Alcoholism. Now I stayed
sober, but was absolutely and totally insane for the first 8 years of my sobriety
until in May of '89 when it was so bad, and the thought of 'drinking' came back
as a means to help me (again I wanted to self medicate) I started asking
around the rooms of AA for anyone who knew or had experience with a
therapist or psychiatrist that had experience with alcoholics as I was ready to
commit myself to a 'padded cell' forever.

I found a great Dr. She first had a complete physical done on me, (looking
for any chemical imbalances) and then we got down to work. I now had an
official diagnosis as Bi-Polar. That has since been upgraded to Bi-Polar 2.

This is the 'same diagnosis' only upgraded that I got in '72 when I was still
drinking. It took another 5 years to finally get my medications balanced out
and I finally started to become a 'rational level' human being most of the

I know of many others that have mental problems in addition to their alcoholism,
but every one of them had to get sober and maintain sobriety before they could
work on their other mental problems, and it took them years also.

I tell you this, because you really, I do not believe, want to raise your son in the
INSANITY of being dually diagnosed, especially since his father is not being serious
about his recovery.

As far as his father saying they will fight for custody, not blody likely. He is, as
you have already stated enabling his son, and I cannot seriously see those two
boys raising a child 24/7. Besides which, you have the proof of what he is like,
and I really doubt that a judge would give him custody, possibly he might get
'supervised' visitation with supervision by a 'non family member.'

I hope this will make you think a bit more and decide to LISTEN to your Mum,
and if need be, move back to the lower 48 to whatever state you lived in be-


Love and hugs,
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Old 07-26-2012, 09:13 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I agree with what some of the other folks have said on this thread; reprioritize YOUR life. As a single mother i work & go to school full time, have my own apt & pay my own bills. Youre 31, have an 11month old that needs to be taken care of. Let your ABF do as he wants, hes going to whether you like it or not anyways. Do what's best for you & your DS. I know its hard to pull out of the madness when you have kids w the A but its for the best. I have a son with an A also &format the longest i stayed in the relationship because of my naivety & also because i, like you, didnt want to take him away from his daddy. Stupid, pitiful way to think bc it keeps you trapped in toxic situations. Children are innocent growing creatures with minds to mold. Do you want your sons mind molded into a beer can of misery or a diploma of success?
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