Not sure what to do... if anything
Simply Grateful
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 211
Not sure what to do... if anything
I'm trying to get sober.
My mother is 77 years old with congestive heart failure and pulmonary hypertension. I always did think she drank too much vodka (straight with some ice), but now that she become sicker and sicker and more housebound she's up to a good 2 liters a week. I have no clue how this is messing with her medications and since her medical conditions will eventually kill her anyway, I just don't see the point of making an issue. I'm with her at doctor appointments and apparently she isn't showing signs of liver problems or anything from her drinking (yet).
I know it's hard to say how much is too much because everyone is different, their tolerance levels, etc. My mom is about 150 pounds and very frail. I am just worried and sometimes think maybe she's trying to bring her death on a little quicker (she combines Vicodin with the alcohol) or else she's numbing herself so she doesn't think about it.
I'm always concerned about her health and I'm just a little worried and frustrated.
Thanks for listening.
My mother is 77 years old with congestive heart failure and pulmonary hypertension. I always did think she drank too much vodka (straight with some ice), but now that she become sicker and sicker and more housebound she's up to a good 2 liters a week. I have no clue how this is messing with her medications and since her medical conditions will eventually kill her anyway, I just don't see the point of making an issue. I'm with her at doctor appointments and apparently she isn't showing signs of liver problems or anything from her drinking (yet).
I know it's hard to say how much is too much because everyone is different, their tolerance levels, etc. My mom is about 150 pounds and very frail. I am just worried and sometimes think maybe she's trying to bring her death on a little quicker (she combines Vicodin with the alcohol) or else she's numbing herself so she doesn't think about it.
I'm always concerned about her health and I'm just a little worried and frustrated.
Thanks for listening.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry about your mom's failing health. I'm also sad to see that she is choosing to self-medicate with alcohol.
You have valid concerns about her mixing alcohol with meds, but you are powerless to make her change.
Have you mentioned, patiently, your concern of her mixing her meds with alcohol to her?
I have learned that it is okay to mention my concern and leave it at that. Mentioning it more, or getting upset - indicates I am trying to control someone else's behavior. That is unhealthy for me.
Short of that, I think being a good example of clean/sober living is the best support you can be for your mom.
Remember the 3 C's:
You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
You will not Cure it
You have valid concerns about her mixing alcohol with meds, but you are powerless to make her change.
Have you mentioned, patiently, your concern of her mixing her meds with alcohol to her?
I have learned that it is okay to mention my concern and leave it at that. Mentioning it more, or getting upset - indicates I am trying to control someone else's behavior. That is unhealthy for me.
Short of that, I think being a good example of clean/sober living is the best support you can be for your mom.
Remember the 3 C's:
You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
You will not Cure it
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
My grandmother was a heavy drinker. She got Alzheimer's around your mom's age and once she went to the nursing home she had to stop drinking. She lived to be 90-something. Some people's livers are very strong.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
This is a hard one for me to comment on - as I tend to lean toward letting the elderly live out their life as they see fit. There isn't a whole lot of life left, ya know? And who are we to come in and start yapping about how they should live...it seems disrespectful. I would guess she already knows about alcoholism, the effects on her health, and doesn't much care at this point. I've seen this a lot in the very old with chronic conditions that are fatal - they just don't care.
Personally, I would respect her wishes and not make any issues of how she chooses to live out the remainder of her days. But that's just my humble opinion. I am not sure how I'd feel if it were my parents in this case.
Good luck and keep coming back!
~T
Personally, I would respect her wishes and not make any issues of how she chooses to live out the remainder of her days. But that's just my humble opinion. I am not sure how I'd feel if it were my parents in this case.
Good luck and keep coming back!
~T
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
Is she hurting anyone besides herself? Does she have a dependent? Does she drive intoxicated? Is she likely to blow up a house that's not her own (ie, she lives in an apartment and leaves the gas running)? Is she spending all her money so she's going to have to be dependent upon 'innocent' people for her expenses?
What does she really have to lose by continuing drinking except her health, which is going anyway whether she drinks or not.
If the answer is no to all the questions, what does it matter?
And even if it does matter, what can you do about it anyway?
Maybe it makes the most sense just to find a way to enjoy what time you have left with her.
What does she really have to lose by continuing drinking except her health, which is going anyway whether she drinks or not.
If the answer is no to all the questions, what does it matter?
And even if it does matter, what can you do about it anyway?
Maybe it makes the most sense just to find a way to enjoy what time you have left with her.
Simply Grateful
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 211
Yep... You all pretty much said what I've been thinking. I don't see any point in even mentioning it to her. She doesn't drive drunk, she's not spending all her money, if she blows up the house, it's only her house as opposed to an apartment or condo. She really isn't hurting anyone other than health (such as it is).
Hearing everything you all have had to say really makes me feel better about my decision to leave it alone. Thanks!
Hearing everything you all have had to say really makes me feel better about my decision to leave it alone. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
There's not much you can *do* exactly. And what for?
The only thing I could think of would be to mention to the doctor -- if you're at the appointments or the power of attorney or something -- that your mom mixes her drugs with alcohol sometimes. Full disclosure is usually a good thing in the health department.
Other than that? And if you aren't at her appointments are authorized to talk about it? There's not much you *can* do but let your mom life out the rest of her life as she sees fit.
My grandmothers were both heavy smokers with dementia. Eventually the dementia took over and the smoking just -- poof! -- vanished.
The only thing I could think of would be to mention to the doctor -- if you're at the appointments or the power of attorney or something -- that your mom mixes her drugs with alcohol sometimes. Full disclosure is usually a good thing in the health department.
Other than that? And if you aren't at her appointments are authorized to talk about it? There's not much you *can* do but let your mom life out the rest of her life as she sees fit.
My grandmother was a heavy drinker. She got Alzheimer's around your mom's age and once she went to the nursing home she had to stop drinking. She lived to be 90-something. Some people's livers are very strong.
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