FireSprite

(author: Robert J. Ackerman)

I picked this book up at the library recently on the recommendation of someone on this board. (I think it was on a different board actually, but I don't really remember.) I'm only about a quarter of the way through it but I can already see that I can't help but benefit from reading it. It's the 1st book I've ever read that deals with the fallout from addiction on us as daughters specifically.

I thought I had dealt with & moved beyond so many of my ACoA issues in the more than 20 yrs since my dad was an active addict (alcohol, cocaine, etc). However, with the passage of time & the perspective of now dealing with an alcoholic husband I'm changing my tune. Their addictions are so similar & yet so different & I am affected so much the same & yet again, so differently in my roles as first, daughter & now, wife.

So far, I'm amazed at so many little things that I see differently about my personality, close relationships & people-skills. Things I had considered part of my innate personality may be more tied to my role as an addict's oldest daughter than I realized. It's a real eye-opener so I thought I'd share about it here in case someone else is looking for this type of resource.

wicked

Thank you firesprite,
I will add it to my wishlist on Amazon.
I think I told you I am the oldest daughter of an alcoholic father.
Hopefully, there is some good news in there I can grab.
:ghug3

Beth

rdlesstraveled

Ironically I saw this book the other night at B&N and almost purchased it myself. Justabloke recommended a book called After The Tears. After I read that one, I will purchase Perfect Daughters

kudzujean

I've never read the book, but the author is a co-founder of National Association for Children of Alcoholics.

Robert J. Ackerman Ph.D.

FireSprite

I did not realize that, thanks!

FireSprite

After reading some of your other posts today, & having read more of this book last night I think you will really get a lot out it. I found myself tearing up & my memory being triggered by things I hadn't thought to consider 'fixable'. It's simply written but opened my eyes in a way other resources haven't.

I'm reading it first & trying to absorb as much info as seems relevant & apply it to my own therapy. Then I'm going to set it aside for 6 months & read it again from the perspective of avoiding some of these issues for my daughter. If I can tweak a few behaviors & help her avoid some of this baggage & move forward more whole & centered out of this madness called addiction, I'll consider myself more than a few steps ahead in breaking the cycle.

I think I may also get a copy for my sister. She struggles so much but is so internal & closed-off about ACoA issues that maybe this will speak to her in a way that helps her heal.

wicked

Firesprite,
Excellent idea! My daughter has had her own struggles with addiction, and perfectionism.
She is doing okay right now, but I think she has an idea that it would bother me if she talked about me being and alcoholic and how it affected her. When I try to open it up, she shuts it down.
Yes, of course I want to control it. LOL Dammit, gotta work on that.
Anyway, she is smart and beautiful and if I could spare her one second of the pain I gave myself,......oh, I don't know. I just want her to be happy, but I know she has to learn some things herself.
I can continue to learn myself, and when she needs me, she knows where I am.

thank you again,

Beth

painfully

Adding this to my reading list.

Thank you so much. I know for me the ACOA stuff is a daily struggle.