negritail

i think i made a mistake! through the holidays i got to listen to snoring and tiptoeing to the kitchen to fill 'er up! then came my birthday and i anticipated the inevitable. he took me to a beach hotel, but no special day for me, or thoughtfulness. i got discouraged because over the months i have taken lots of verbal abuse and sacrifices galore! i have no idea what intimacy means anymore since we never had it and he avoids even talking about it. there is really not much left of him to enjoy as i see. well, i was told by his friends give tough love. and so after all disillusionment boiled up in me, i gave him back his promise ring and would not budge! funny, it wasn't me, the designated clutz, who lost it then but him. quite frnakly the mood went down, and he is not interested in any talk anymore. i am a bottle about to explode after being shut up months and months now. yes we rescued him then after he was unable to function on his own after a collapse and 3 weeks of hallucinations. he was close to death. his friends took a backseat in our commitment for him, one who is utterly avoided now since he is "a nuisance" like me. and as 24/7 do it all woman i take it all from miserable disposition over total disinterest in anything to outbursts. he also has become a pill abuser because he forgets and partially does it over his sleep obsession. he manipulates his doctors obviously too. we do not kow why he was put on seroquel, but it helps his moods. he can get very nasty even though when you meet him he seems so innocent and sweet. i wanted to be a woman too for a change..to be able to depend on a man, to lean for a change instead of playing atlas, to enjoy a relationship and consume it in some form, however possible. i tried in vain to make him meet me halfway. he laughs it off childishly. i kow we, and especially me became rescuers, and i tried to apply what aa memebrs told me to do: let it be, do not try stop him, do not argue when he is drinking. so this merely led into no talk at all for me! no resolve. there is no reasoning or logic, there is just a brickwall in front of me regardless what angle i take it from. he will take my self restraint and doing for him as weakness instead of understanding i am by his side. he refuses to go to aa/na! and over time he claimed i was enough, he did not need them. his doctors failed trying too.

VictoriaC

Hi Negretail. Welcome to the forums. It's a great place to come vent or get some words of wisdom. The power posts at the top of the threads are extremely helpful in understanding why we are the way we are. Have you been to any al-anon meetings? You can find meetings in your area on al-anon.org. There are people there that completely understand what you are going through and the steps give us guidance on dealing with alcoholism. I know that right now your situation seems like everything has hit the fan. That is when I finally turned to al-anon because I just was out of answers and out of energy. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Al-anon was like a breath of fresh air to a woman who was being smothered.

Keep coming back!

Magichappens

Welcome neg! Vic is right. The night is darkest before the dawn. Things may seem confusing but there is a lot of hope and caring here. Keep coming back! Peace, Magic

Daffodil

Welcome to Sober Recover.
If you read some of the other threads and the power posts you will know you are not alone...unless you chose to be...we understand as prehaps few others can...we've been there too one way or another...
Do come back and give us a chance to get to know you...

Love and prayers from one who cares,
Daffodill

Gabe

and none of it has worked, it's time to get the message. There is nothing that you can do to make him a healthy person. That is something that he has to do on his own.
You can do something about you and about your life. It sounds like you have a very good idea of what you want. It also sounds like you aren't getting it from this relationship.
You deserve a happy life. What can you do to make that happen?
Peace,
Gabe