transformyself

AH has done this sporadically over the past 17 years we've been together. It's so disgusting. I better go add this to L2L's list of what it's like to live with an A.

I sleep on the couch, or he does, because it's understood we're splitting up as soon as I can afford to leave. He got up at 4am to go to work and I was going to get in our bed after he left, but it was all wet and he had put the sheets in the washer.

He's somehow coming home drunk from work. There is an open bar now at the grocery store he manages and he's drinking there then driving home.

Progressive alcoholism. Can't wait to be far far away from it. Good news: I'm better than ever at minimizing damage while under the same roof.

I haven't been able to hire an attorney, but have met with several who owe me favors and they're being very helpful. I'm working on understanding our states law --we have no fault divorce here--so that I can file for and obtain physical custody.

I've been with him long enough to know this will be the end of him. Taking the kids. But I am unflinchingly and quietly working towards it. They're safety and sanity is the only thing that matters.

You know what? It's taken me years to get to this place where this is little emotion, little regret in taking the steps necessary to protect myself and the kids, but I'm so grateful I'm here.

Since I left my narcissist business partner of three years, the ideas I have for work, and the actual work offers, are pouring in. now i have to save my money and be faithful and strategic.

I watch Both Sides Now and she's done it all in one month. Gone, far away from a really truly crazy abusive man.

The only thing I regret is not having a single dollar in savings. I have thought about getting to the bank on pay day before he does and taking out $1,2000 he makes every two weeks and moving with that, but in the town I live in, that's about half of a down payment on a ****** apartment.

I got some great advice a few months ago, when my brain was scrambled and i was deep in my addiciton: make check lists. And I've been doing that and it's slowly getting closer.

ConeyIslandHigh

I'm glad you weren't peed on.

Soon enough, you'll be away from him and his godawful pee.

That will be a dry and happy day, indeed.

Retread59

I used to live with an alcoholic who would get up in the middle of the night and go pee in the dryer. Glad I don't have that problem anymore! Sounds like you will soon be free of this. Good for you!

ConeyIslandHigh

It's all about liquids with them, isn't it?

outonalimb

Oh gawd...the bed peeing days...it's just so disgusting.
I'm glad you didn't wake up in a wet puddle of pee...I've done that a few times. GROSS!!

You're doing great. Keep looking forward. Keep plotting. Keep planning. Your freedom from this insanity is just around the corner. Sometimes, the universe has a way of opening itself up and helping move things along. I pray that the universe does this for you. You deserve peace and a warm, comfy, DRY place to sleep.

Hugs and understanding...
Mary

Galita

YOU LL be fine ... my eabf was doing the same , in the jacuzzi and bed and the floor of are bedroom... disgusted! ...

transformyself

****** just came home from work and started yelling
WHO LEFT CHIPS ON THE FLOOR??

So me, like an idiot, tried to intervene by saying lets not assign blame but just clean it up.

our youngest son was in the process of cleaning it. up

******* mother ******* ******* went on a rant about how others are cleaning up after me as usual.

He ******* PEED in the bed last night and he's going after me??

I have to find a way to get the **** away from this guy. Get my kids away from him. I don't want him to have custody, he's insane, but he will try to paint me as the problem.

I need an attorney, a reliable vehicle and about $3,000 ASAP. I have thought about taking his next paycheck which will be about $1,200 right out of the bank as soon as it is deposited. But first I need a place to live.

That will infuriate him, no doubt. I'd rather just earn it myself.

transformyself

omg I think I"m going crazy. I can't live with this lunatic anymore. He's asking our youngest son all kinds of stupid ******* questions like "are you coaches upset that you missed so much swim practice?" because we went camping after he ******* attacked me for a week. and "what were you going to do in town for three hours?" because i was going to take him

I have to get away from him. I'm getting my act together to leave as soon as possible, but I'm so frustrated and can't even be near him

ConeyIslandHigh

I felt exactly the same way right before I got out. Just him being in the house made me intolerably nervous, anxiety riddled, and extremely uncomfortable. Fortunately, we were childless.

Take that back, HE was the child.

Stay strong, trans.

FifiRhubarb

I'm sure you have already explored your options when it comes to attorneys' fees, but if you haven't done this already, I would contact the Bar in your state. They might have a lawyer referral program where they can help you find lower cost attorneys, attorneys who work on a sliding scale, etc. That's where people in my state go when Legal Aid Services can't help them. I'm sure you have already done this but the legal services employee in me couldn't help but mention it.

pixilation

Calm down( i know it's hard), leave the house for awhile if that's what it's going to take, just clear your mind. Have you looked at other places to live yet? Start there. Each step you take towards freedom will empower you to take further steps.

Summerpeach

Why not use the money you need for an lawyer and just get the car and a place of your own. A divorce can wait no?!

I'm still confused as to why you're not working or looking for work? I would sweep floors to make money to get out of a dire situation!

Confused

Buffalo66

I know your work scenario, and the kids, and summer, etc, but otherwise I have the same question as Summerpeach:

Why not forgo putting the lawyer in place, etc, and just leave? People do it all the time. Take the kids and leave. With the money for the lawyer?

i am sorry in advance if you have already explained this.

I am anxious for you to get out of there too!

transformyself

Summer why do you think I'm not working or looking for work?
I'm working my ass off, doing everything humanly possible to get out of here, INCLUDING going door to door getting signatures for a ballot initiative, helping a 75 year old man write a book and managing another campaign.

I don't have money yet for a lawyer, I just started working on one contract and have only earned $180, with another installment and a new contract coming next week.

I am self employed but am not earning enough yet to pay an attorney or move or fix the car. AH controls all of "his" money and he pays all the bills.

When I file for divorce, the courts will give me child support, but I'm looking for a place right now and trying to get the hell out of here. Also, I need to know what leaving with the kids will do in terms of the divorce. I'm grateful for the advice the attorneys have been giving me, for free.

I looked at a one bedroom flat in the next town today. I don't have enough money yet for a deposit, but will keep looking.

XXXXXXXXXX

I have woke up wet from being pissed on. Be glAd you were not in the bed.

I know you have a plan, but I will yell you that leaving was the best thing I did for myself. My plan was to stick it out through the school year. In the end, every day was a struggle.

Kiana

Here, there are some battered womens programs that offer us and our children a safe place to stay (both short term, and long term apartments with reduced rent), provide free legal assistance for obtaining a divorce/custody/RO's/public aid, help with transportation, free counseling, and assistance finding a job (right down to providing work clothes and training if needed). They are designed so that the battered family can leave their batterer yet have all their needs met (until the time they are able to live as independently as possible) even if they left without the clothes on their back.

Is there any help for battered families where you are?

RevivingOphelia

Maybe you should temporarily forgo the ballot initiative, the book helping, the campaign managing, and focus on getting work to earn more money as fast as possible to expedite the leaving of this abusive jerk?

Isn't there anyone to help you with the rest of the money (after you take his pay) to find a new place? Or a cash advance on a credit card?

transformyself

I'm doing everything I can to get out of here. What's happening on this thread???

when I called the police July 5 on AH, they told me "we can't solve all of your problems in one night" and left him in the home.

The domestic violence shelter won't accept me or my kids because he hasn't actually hurt me.

I have no credit card, bad credit and no family to help me. My sister who lives nearby is very supportive emotionally, but I can't move in with her.
This makes no sense. If I start a job, say filling tacos at the local Taco Bell, it will take up to two weeks to get a meager paycheck from that work and I'm already getting paid for my contracts.

The work I have is just fine. I think folks are grasping at straws trying to help me. I appreciate your intent.

I have work. It's the work I do. It's fine.

transformyself

XXXXX I cannot believe you were peed on!!! That is sooo disgusting.

I left AH in 2009 and am very eager to not be living with him again. I will have to forgive myself, and soon, for letting him move back in.

transformyself

Mary and Gallita thank you! I didn't even see your posts because I was so triggered by him.

It's bizarre that this is a shared experience. My god. peeing yourself from drunkenness. It's hard to believe.

I also believe the Universe has a way of providing what we need. I keep calling money and a wonderful place to live. Keep visualizing it.

It makes me mad when I give up my serenity to him.