marie1960

Unreasonable resentments.

I was reading thru the four stages of alcoholism, and did unreasonable resentments ever hit the nail on the head. WOW.

Listening to the ranting of a drunk, about things that are so far fetched, and out of human control, I sure miss that...... not!

Learn2Live

Never being able to just sit down and have an enjoyable conversation where we both shared what was important to us, or interested us.

LittleApple

Having a stressful work environment being a safer emotionally place than home.

cranapple

Being completely tense and anxious when he wants to come on my family's vacation or to Holiday get-togethers worrying how much he is going to drink and embarrass me and my family!

Feeling like my friends dont want to invite me out because they're afraid he will tag along and get F**** up.

I hate feeling so stuck!

Learn2Live

Having to always make all the decisions and plans about, and pay for vacations. Never doing anything fun together on holidays. Never doing anything together as a couple except work in the yard.

chronsweet

I can relate to almost everything said above. I actually can't think of one good thing that has ever come out of this relationship except that I conceived my son. My only wish is that I would have taken off and never let him know my baby was going to be born. I wish I would have listened to my mom long, long ago and realized this guy is just a l.o.s.e.r.

BlueSkies1

Feeling frozen, waiting to see what mood he was in, how the day was going to go, and just how long it was going to take before he started hitting the bottle, and when the next intimidating word or action was going to happen, knowing it was just a matter of time. Run on sentence!
Essentially though, that's how it was. His larger than life personality dictated the day.

Learn2Live

All the promises he made and all the things he said we were going to do together that just never happened. I waited and waited for him to get it together, calm down, focus on those things so that we could move forward in life, but none of it ever happened.

fedup3

He was never there for ME! not in the good or bad times. Even before I knew he was an alcoholic he could never face anything difficult or stressful in our lives, he let me do it. I was only there to make money to keep him in the life style he was accustomed to, plenty of alcohol while he played the big gorilla in the house with me and the kids.

How good life is now that I'm away from all of that!

Learn2Live

XBF once was there for me, as I was for him. But somewhere along the line, that all stopped and everything became about him.

mmk11

The blaming me for everything, even ridiculous things that wouldn't matter.
Complete lack of emotional support; if I had an issue he'd turn it around so I'm consoling him. My concerns were never addressed.
Guilt tripping.
Being bored and/or lonely because AH doesn't want to make plans with me.
AH picking fights while drunk. And general disagreeableness while sober.
The pity parties.
Resentments.
Excuses.
Not taking responsibility for his own actions or words, or really anything for that matter.

painfully

the chaos of everyday life
doubting my self
being responsible for EVERYTHING
always waiting for something bad(der) to happen
feeling completely isolated and alone
dealing with constant irrational behaviour both from him and from myself
being constantly surprised by how much crap i'd put up with
hating myself for loving him
never knowing what i'll find when i get home
never knowing what i'll find when i look at the bank account
the car reeking of pot
the garage reeking of pot
being laughed at for being afraid of the future
hearing the phrase "if you really loved me you'd..."
sex feeling like an assault
never having calm thoughts

good heavens i could go on and on

wellnowwhat

I saw on the internet a pie chart of time spent in the shower. 5% was washing and 95% was winning past arguments. This was me! And if it wasn't winning past arguments it was wondering "what is up with that?"

Now a shower is just a shower, and funny, they are much shorter now!

StarCat

I remember telling him one, "I'd just like to be able to mention my bad day for once without you saying I wasn't allowed to complain because yours was worse. Everything I do, you have to 'one-up' me. That is why I don't talk to you anymore."


I remember nights spent sleeping in the car behind his mother's house because he refused to go inside and refused to let me either. This was in the wintertime.

I remember going without showers for a week because he had to shower first ("I can't breathe if the bathroom's all fogged up!"), and by the time he got off his butt and took one it was time for work. Wasn't allowed to shower after work, either, because I had to do his laundry and wash the dishes and watch his television show with him and his constant complaints, "Why does it take you so long to do everything?" Umm, your mother did it all for you too, but she doesn't have a JOB.

But I still had to get up at the same time as he did, and go to bed at the same time he did, and he never slept.
His idea of helping with the chores was to sit at the dining room table reading the paper and handing me stuff he wanted me to put away. When he did "help" with things either I had to redo them, or I couldn't do something else in the meantime because somebody had to hold his pants up. (Belts don't work when you have a beer/whiskey belly).

I don't miss sleeping with the television on, I don't miss the cashiers at the local liquor stores knowing me by name, I don't miss the stress of trying to balance two budgets because he didn't know the meaning of it.

I don't miss his drunken driving attempts where he'd drag me to the local porn store and buy three porn movies for $79 each while forcing me to pick them out and then yelling at me when I don't want anything. I don't miss him trying to force me to watch it and yelling at me. I don't miss those times I'd do things for him that I didn't want to do because if I got it over with he'd have to stop bothering me about it. I don't miss him trying to get me to spew his sexual fantasies as if they were my own.

I don't miss the rushing around to dinners we couldn't afford, while he sat across from me drunk out of his mind and spewing insults whenever the waiter wasn't there. I don't miss paying for $150 dinners and $30 valet parking when neither of us ate anything.

I don't miss trying to convince him to let me drive because he was too drunk, until finally he'd get on the highway and believe me because out of three lanes he couldn't even pick TWO to stay in. I don't miss leaning my seat back all the way so I couldn't see and closing my eyes tightly because I knew that if/when we were in an accident if I was tense I'd get hurt worse.

That moving truck for all his stuff was the best money I ever spent. I bought my life back.

Learn2Live

Thank you, StarCat, your post is very helpful to me. I'm glad you got away from that person.

WorkInProgress8

Lying, deceit, manipulation, blame shifting, lazy, no ambition, lack of parental responsibility, punching holes in the walls, leaving food everywhere, not picking up after himself, cheating, deflection, calling ME crazy, expecting me to take care of everything .... i could keep going but ive got to get back to work : )

Learn2Live

Yes, same here.

SoaringSpirits

Besides all of the above.

Enduring sex with a stinky, half-drunk man with a half-limp ***** in the hope that he'd be in a better mood come Saturday morning, and maybe smile and talk to me a bit. Staring at the alarm clock in the dark, counting the minutes, dissociating.

SO done with all that. And so ashamed and degraded that I let that happen to myself. Never again. Never.

Learn2Live

Being used.

wicked

sex was an assault.
always wringing my hands, i did it so much people noticed.