transformyself

Yes Pixilation. There's no milk or food for the kids, but he's got beer and cigarettes. Expensive beer.

pixilation

Yep! . He always ate though, i'm guessing he spent at least $100 a week just on fast food and energy drinks. He could never stoop as low as i did apparently.

transformyself

Yeah, L2L, what's with the negativity?

Before I stopped caring, I figured it was the side effect of poisoning yourself with booze. You feel bad, and when you feel bad it's difficult to summon joy and hope.

No thank you.

Learn2Live

Being completely talked over, interrupted, and ignored in conversation.

Ellvk

The whiiining. The "my problems are worse than anyone else's". The forgetting everything I said, then getting mad at me for "never telling him anything". The always feeling disgusted when he touches me. Ack.

skarletstarlet

Hello there

I really enjoy my two kids. I have two kids, not three. When XAF lived with me, I had "three" kids. Two under the age of two, and one aged 22. Fun times.

I like not worrying about the neighbours wondering why he's in the garage all the time, or why he's sleeping in his car.

I like not sleeping in a peed on mattress, because he crawls into bed after he's had waaaaay too many (every night) and I wake up in a puddle of urine (every night).

I like not having to wash the sheets everyday, as well as his urine-soaked clothing.

I like not being told "its all your fault" and "good luck getting another guy with two kids"

I REALLY like that his mom and dad now have to put up with it (because for so long they told me "its not a problem" and "lets wait until its really bad before we interfere")

I like not being lied to, and being lied to in a way that insinuates that he thinks I'm an idiot. "I only had one beer" turns into "I had 0 beers" turns into "why do you care how many beers I had?" turns into "I can go get the kids from daycare!" turns into "I had 16 beers today"

Also not having sex with a drunk just to keep him quiet. The smell, and the fact that he'd fall asleep within minutes of it.

But I still really miss him, the him from just over a year ago who didn't drink every single day, who didn't pee himself and treat me badly.

Guess he's gone.

marie1960

And I cannot forget the disappearing act. He'd be holed up in his beer cave for days on end, just him and his drink of choice. Only to appear 3 or 4 days later, to tell me he was home with the flu. Blood shot eyes, the smell of stale booze just oozing out of his pores,damn that anheuser flu, really takes alot out of a person........ good grief.

ZiggyB

I never lived with mine, but the worst thing by far was the always walking on eggshells wondering what I was going to do or say next that would set him off on one of angry spells... and yes the lying, the blaming me for everything

tabatha

Ah yes- the beer flu. I remember that one. I always wondered how someone could come down with the flu so often. I certainly don't miss that stupid cover up attempt. I don't miss the disappearing act either. Or the promises that were always broken. Or the knot in my stomach that had become a permanent fixture. Or the smell of a slobbering drunk in bed getting angry because I didn't want to have sex with Jack Daniels. God it was hell. Horrible way to live. I am so glad that is gone from my life.

lizatola

I'll play along even though my AH isn't currently drinking.....LOL, yeah right!



The nervous stomach I get every time he goes out the door, wondering if DUI number 2 is in the works.

Listening to the lies and now realizing that it's just what he does, sober or not.

Trying to wake him up when he's passed out on the floor and getting ready to call 911 because I thought he was dead.

Sleeping somewhere on the other side of the house so I don't have to listen to his snoring, which is/was a telltale sign that he'd been drinking.

Being blamed for his continued drinking, when in reality he was retaliating for my concern and involvement when I called his psych. doc and 'ratted' him out. Yes, heaven forbid I care enough to tell a doctor that my husband is mixing high levels of alcohol with 2 prescription antidepressants and was specifically told NOT TO DRINK while taking these meds. Gosh, what WAS I thinking?

Being told how I feel or how I'm going to feel in the future. I didn't realize he was capable of reading minds and of predicting the future.

Being manipulated to the point where I would give up an argument just so I could save SOME of my sanity so that I don't end up in the looney bin.

And, don't get me started on the passive aggressive behaviors and attitudes.

Oh, there's so much more.....

Learn2Live

Everything always having to be HIS way, without regard for how anyone else feels or what anyone else needs or wants.

mm417

Well folks, I have never been around my ABF while he drank. He has been sober the whole time we've been dating-but so much of the mind play & blame games still seem to be there. Do they ever stop with that victimizing, poor me, everything is your fault ********?

lizatola

Don't get me started. How about the driving on the suspended license and then defending it by saying, "If I have to break the law to show my love for you, then that's what I have to do." He said this after he bought me flowers for my birthday back in May. Oh wait, I think this falls into the manipulation category!

akalacha

The short list:
The lies
The selfishness
The not remembering something we just talked about the day before
The worry that he will start cooking something then pass out, leaving a pan burning up on the stove
The money loss-not only money spent on booze, but losing his wallet, phone, credit card, etc. when drunk
The mess he makes and is always too drunk or sick to clean up. I have tried leaving it for him, but after a day or three I can't stand it and end up cleaning it myself

jamaicamecrazy

The way the universe is supposed to revolve around him...
The way he was attentive and kind to all the ladies but ignored me...
His constant complaining about things but never taking any action to correct them...
The smell in the morning after a night of drinking...
All the hurtful things he said-like that I would die alone because of my attitude. This really hit hard because I do have a fear of being alone. Well I have close friends and my children who I maintain a close relationship with- him not so much.
The anger-that's what really did it in the end. I could not live my life with walls getting punched, yelling, and that terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Still Waters

The Shame - for letting myself get involved with him
The Guilt - for letting him treat my kid that way
The Fear - of getting away from him
The Anger - at myself for not standing up to him sooner

transformyself

The peeing in the bed because he's so drunk.

ConeyIslandHigh

The blameshifting.
The pathological lies.
The horrid, sour smell.
The slimy, fumey kisses.
The hooded, glassy eyes.
The inaction.
The excuses.
The manipulation.
The insensitivity.
The inappropriate sarcasm.
The staggering.
The passing out.
The NOT passing out. (oh, won't he just freaking pass out already?!?)
The antagonizing.
The emotionless stare/glare.

Wait...WHY the F*** have I been living with this for so long?!?

Learn2Live

THIS.
Yes. And after living with him for some period of time, I became this way too. I had broken myself of the complaining habit and then got it back!

Learn2Live

Never being able to focus on me or my needs or what I wanted or needed to do because the focus always had to be on HIM, HIS needs, HIS problems, what HE wanted to do.