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This was the mother of all relapses for her...

Old 07-20-2012, 12:31 PM
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This was the mother of all relapses for her...

...I'm impressed. She hit the tifecta!
  • She lost, literally misplaced, a 4,000 pound car.
  • She lost her iPhone
  • She lost her wallet

Now, here's where it gets better... she was missing without a trace for 24 hours. No calls, no evidence of being alive, and 24 hours later shows up at my mother's house with a homeless person.

This really happened. Un-*******-believable. In the past, before Alanon and Sober Recovery, here's what I would have done:
  • Worried More, a lot more.
  • Not gone to work.
  • Driven around looking for her car, called all the tow lots, called the Police and report her car stolen.
  • Cancelled her phone, bought her a new phone.
  • Called and cancelled her credit cards, give her money.
  • Picked her up at my mom's house, brought her home, cleaned her up, and given her a long lecture about being selfish and inconsiderate.
  • Not gone on the trip I had planned for this weekend and then used it as a weapon against her later.

This time, despite her 18 months of uninterrupted sobriety, I had a plan and I stuck to it. Here's what I did:
  • I picked her up at my Mom's.

And, frankly, had she been anywhere else but my Mom's I wouldn't even had done that.

Also, I told her that when I return from my trip we would talk about what happened and decide how we are going to proceed (and if we are going to proceed), but that I would not discuss it in the meantime.

That's it.

I'm so excited that, for once, I was prepared with a plan, stuck with the plan, and did not protect her from the consequences of her actions and decisions. More than anything I'm proud I didn't lecture or censure. For me, as many of you know, that's a major, major accomplishment.

My thanks to the creators of Alanon and Recovery!!!

Take care folks,

Cyranoak
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:35 PM
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I love your sense of humor. I have read many of your posts.
*literally misplaced a 4 thousand pound car...that is priceless!
Your humor will keep you alive and well when all else fails.
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:36 PM
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I'll admit, she gets style points for this one. I'm glad you had a plan and that you worked it. That's huge!

Your poor Mom....I hope she has a sense of humor, too!!

Have a safe, productive, fun trip this weekend, Cyranoak.
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:40 PM
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I'm sorry this happened after what looked like things were going better. I hope this is just a slip rather than a relapse.

Kudos on sticking to the plan and having a sense of humor about it.

Your friend,
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:41 PM
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Cyranoak

1) You are a brilliant and living example of al-anon and recovery at work. I'm selfishly grateful you post at SR.

2) I'm so very sorry about the relapse. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

3) WTF - a homeless person????

4) Enjoy the trip. I hope it's purpose is a rejuvenating one.
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:53 PM
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Good God!

Well played on your part, Cy.

Really, you can drop the "aspiring" from your tag line now - I'd say you have achieved that goal.

Take good care, friend.
~T
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:57 PM
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She lost, literally misplaced, a 4,000 pound car.
She lost her iPhone
She lost her wallet


Wow that is a trifecta.

Nice work there, I am really impressed!!!!

Enjoy your trip. Heres hoping there is a good result.

Take good care!! Katie
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Old 07-20-2012, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
...I'm impressed. She hit the tifecta!
  • She lost, literally misplaced, a 4,000 pound car.
  • She lost her iPhone
  • She lost her wallet

Now, here's where it gets better... she was missing without a trace for 24 hours. No calls, no evidence of being alive, and 24 hours later shows up at my mother's house with a homeless person.

This really happened. Un-*******-believable. In the past, before Alanon and Sober Recovery, here's what I would have done:
  • Worried More, a lot more.
  • Not gone to work.
  • Driven around looking for her car, called all the tow lots, called the Police and report her car stolen.
  • Cancelled her phone, bought her a new phone.
  • Called and cancelled her credit cards, give her money.
  • Picked her up at my mom's house, brought her home, cleaned her up, and given her a long lecture about being selfish and inconsiderate.
  • Not gone on the trip I had planned for this weekend and then used it as a weapon against her later.

This time, despite her 18 months of uninterrupted sobriety, I had a plan and I stuck to it. Here's what I did:
  • I picked her up at my Mom's.

And, frankly, had she been anywhere else but my Mom's I wouldn't even had done that.

Also, I told her that when I return from my trip we would talk about what happened and decide how we are going to proceed (and if we are going to proceed), but that I would not discuss it in the meantime.

That's it.

I'm so excited that, for once, I was prepared with a plan, stuck with the plan, and did not protect her from the consequences of her actions and decisions. More than anything I'm proud I didn't lecture or censure. For me, as many of you know, that's a major, major accomplishment.

My thanks to the creators of Alanon and Recovery!!!

Take care folks,

Cyranoak
Wow. Where to start.

1. Get use to this crap/BS....you have the patience of the dead. Not me. I had zero tolerance for this type of nonsense at my age. Thats why I left her and am serving her with legal paperwork this weekend.

2. This is but a "day in the life"...this will be the norm for you, expect some remorse, and "feeling bad" and this will last, oh, say a week or two, and then a return to chaos...

3. You were the classic enabler. Everytime she flubs up, you were there to rescue her and pick up the pieces and replace the cell phone and find the car, and be the Knight in Shining armor that the alcoholic spouse desperatley needs....now you didnt and that was a good step, but at this point you can either leave her for good, or put up with more nonsense on a weekly basis. But she has ZERO respect for you or the marriage, if you can live like that, more power to you, the only thing Al Anon helped me to do was vent about how I was flat out going to leave her.

4. Take care of your own mental health and physical health, as living like this will take a toll on you, and cause you to eventually lose your own sanity. I got the F out while mine was still somewhat in tact.

Good luck
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Old 07-20-2012, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
I'm so excited that, for once, I was prepared with a plan, stuck with the plan, and did not protect her from the consequences of her actions and decisions. More than anything I'm proud I didn't lecture or censure. For me, as many of you know, that's a major, major accomplishment.

My thanks to the creators of Alanon and Recovery!!!
I'm so glad to see you using these tools in your life. I'm sorry you're going through it.

And sadly, I lost a car once. Granted I eventually found it, but it was lost because of my crazy addiction. Amazingly, I didn't quit drinking until years later. I was quite young when that happened and I just didn't think it was a big deal.
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Old 07-20-2012, 01:17 PM
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Good job.
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Old 07-20-2012, 01:26 PM
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" Doing nothing " ( further) is always an option. Just sayin....
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Old 07-20-2012, 01:38 PM
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Good for You and Take care of You, You're Priceless!
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Old 07-20-2012, 01:39 PM
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Damn..... 18 months.

*Jazz shakes head*
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Old 07-20-2012, 02:49 PM
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She brought a homeless person to your mom's house... Wow.
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Old 07-20-2012, 03:24 PM
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So is the homeless person now living with your mom?
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Old 07-20-2012, 09:09 PM
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Cyranoak

Totally respect how well you handled yourself!
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:27 AM
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Sorry this has happened to your family. I literally gasped when I read the title of your post. Thanks for sharing this honestly with us. Your honesty and self awareness are what I admire most about you. What great things you are learning about yourself and your recovery as you stick with your plan to not let the A take over your life. Please keep us posted on what happens. I hope your weekend is enjoyable and you are able to focus on YOU!
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:31 AM
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I guess my sarcasm did not make Cyranoak laugh.
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Old 07-21-2012, 11:05 AM
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Amazing.
Both the grip this damn disease has on people that they can do something so infuriatingly stupid as have a drink after 18 months of sobriety AND the presence of mind recovery has given you, friend.

I hope your trip is great. You pretty much rock. Hard core.
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Old 07-21-2012, 11:22 AM
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Just want to offer you support.

Over the past year you certainly have been a very positive influence for me. And for that I am ever thankful.

I am here and listening, my friend.
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