AH getting crazier or I'm just seeing it
 

AH was gone for three days. It was heaven.

Now he's back. He slept on the couch, drunk, and when he woke up he started asking questions from the living room about what my plans were for the day. our oldest son and I were discussing whether or not he was going to football practice.

Ordinarily, AH gives me Holy Hell for whatever he perceives as me screwing up the kids, so I pretended I didn't hear him. He was, after all, talking in the other room like he was part of the conversation.

He got up and accused me of "baiting" him by not answering and that he wasn't going to be "a submissive man," to my demands.

Submissive man?? He's pathological!

I just got a contract for $1000, I'm using that for a deposit have been looking for a place to move to. Can't come fast enough.

The best news is that I no longer feel compelled to justify, argue, deny or explain anything to him.

AND, whereas just a few months ago I was heartbroken and triggered by him texting other women, today I wish he'd find another True Love and move out.

:c011:

Wonderful!
Hope you find a great place for yourself! Enjoy the peace.

I'm basically there with my separated AH. I don't feel as if I need to defend myself anymore, or if I catch myself I tell him, "I don't need to defend myself to you" and leave it at that. Kind of takes the wind out of his sails.

I see through the manipulative, passive-aggressive, self-pity BS. He has tried to get me to feel bad for him for what he's doing to get my name off joint loans, how much trouble it is for him, he's gotta a business to run, etc etc. I said "well we both have a lot to take care of during this process, so I'm not sure what you want from me." he didn't like that at all!

It's amazing to realize what a tense household I had been living in once AH moved out. Calmness and positive energy took over.

Makes me think of the famous movie line.......

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

When I no longer had empathy, patience, or tolerance for XA shenanigans, I knew I was DONE.

A year later it is still sad to remember, but he's still drinking himself to death, and I know I am one lucky woman to have been able to break free, that is what I am thankful for today.

Funny you should mention this line, it brings back memories...
May 2, 2010, Rhett and Scarlett say goodbye: Gone With the Wind - YouTube

Ironically, that's how our arguments usually went. True, he would have been glaring at me rather than the teleprompter, cutting me off, ranting and raving, and he wouldn't have forgotten to storm off at the end either.
But the feelings all come back again, just watching that, because when that recording was made I was feeling what Scarlett was saying, and crying real tears. We had just had a parallel argument, with him storming off and me begging him to come back, thinking it was all my fault.
And there I am, in the green dress that's fading into the background because of the green screen, using someone else's words and grateful because I'd run out of my own. I'd become a ghost of myself, I wasn't anyone anymore, and I was terrified of becoming someone.

I don't miss that life anymore. I don't miss pretending everything is perfect, and I don't miss the doubt I had in myself because XABF had me convinced that I was the crazy one.

I don't think I'll ever watch "Gone With the Wind," because whenever I think of it now all I can think of is this sad scene, chosen by XABF because he could say that famous line, me not acting because to me it was real. That part of my life is behind me, and I am NOTNEVEREVERNOWAY going back to those feelings.

:hug: You deserve the best, transformie. You'll be "Gone With the Wind" soon, and you won't ever have to go back. :hug:

OMG **** this and **** HIM.

The duration and breadth of betrayal I facilitated in my own life is staggering.