Summerpeach

I am pretty ruthless in business and can be not so nice to strangers when pushed, but when it comes to people I love or care about, I am too friggin nice.

My friends are always telling me to stop being so nice. I go out of my way to help people all the time and will often let some take advantage of me.

I'm learning how to not do so much for others and not be "so nice" but being nice about it.

mrsbrownie

i dont think you should change that "you are so nice" because that is you and that's how you show your affection especially to your love ones....i guess you just have to wary so that they take advantage....like me i always have a soft heart and its easy when people i love borrow money from me, especially for medical reasons, but i started to wise up when they dont pay me back...i am the type who would not even collect and won't even mention it...so leason learned never to lend money again.

thanks for reading my 2cents.

peace and stay nice.

LaTeeDa

There is a fine line between "nice" and "doormat." Only you can decide where that line is for you.

L

SadHeart

Also 'nice' is not the same as 'good'. There are lots of very 'nice' people doing awful things in this world.

Katiekate

a friend of mine told me a couple of months ago that sometime you just have to tell people to go eff themselves.

I still can't do it.

FifiRhubarb

My problem is I am nicer to my ABF than I have ever been to almost anyone. lol. I'd say I'm kind and generous, and sometimes have a hard time saying no to things I don't want to do in my own life...but at the same time I am kind of sassy. And when it comes to my job, I have no problem saying no or enforcing policy. I can be a vengeful and spiteful person, but I just have none of that when it comes to him.

Alucard

I can be the nicest, kindest, most softhearted sweetheart to a loved one, especially a signifigant other. BUT. Cross me, or betray me, and I turn into one cold ruthless SOB....today my soon to be ex AW gets served with paperwork...."case in point"

choublak

No. Quite the opposite, actually.

Windmills

I'm working on the line between nice and doormat. I'm trying to stop NEEDING to be liked. If I can focus on being a GOOD person and ensure I always always stick to my beliefs, morals and boundaries, that's ok with me. Maybe I don't need everyone to like me, maybe I will get a lot more from being myself and being around people who KNOW me and still like me anyway. When I'm being 'nice' my own beliefs etc slide because I'm afraid of someone not liking me.

choublak

I used to let people borrow things of mine...but a lot of times, they would let someone else borrow it. I'd ask for it back, and they'd be like, "oh, I let my friend borrow that" so now I don't let anyone borrow my stuff.

Summerpeach

I never lend money, but when a close friend or boyfriend crosses a line, I am way more lenient than a stranger or someone in business.
I've certainly been a doormat on occasion, but for me, I will always help those in need.
Example: I will always cook food and bring it over to neighbors who I know struggle, I will do one guys laundry cause he's sick. every time I am out shopping, I will pick something up for a friend and or boyfriend.

I'm always the first to offer help when others need.
My friend and family say "STOP IT" learn how to just do for you and only you for a while.
It feels good to be nice, but I've been used for it also.

My character will always do nice, but I think I may have to just go against that until I learn to focus only on me?

Windmills

There's nothing wrong with being nice. You just have to learn where to draw the line I know several good, kind, genuine, thoughtful women who take no **** from anyone and aren't afraid to put people back in their place when they step out of line. My sponsor is one of them, which is one of the reasons I admire her

akrasia

I confess to hating the word "nice" in this context. If someone called me "nice" I would be insulted, as if they were damning me with faint praise. I think the best synonym for the word as people use it in these situations would be "unobjectionable" or "tractable." Which, no thanks.

I'd rather be thought of as good, or loving, or generous, or wise, or thoughtful. But putting these things into practice necessitates being absolutely "un-nice" at times. How can I be a good parent if I don't stand up for my kid unequivocally? How can I be truly generous if I'm just giving more money than I can afford to the people who ask most aggressively? How can I focus attention on loved ones when I'm out doing grudging favors for strangers?

And sadheart's right about the "nice" people doing horrible things in the world.

lillamy

I'm nice. I'm incredibly nice. On the surface. If I ever hit my head and the filter was removed, I'm pretty sure the people that call me nice would change their minds.

I'm actually not working deliberately on being less "nice" -- I'm working on closing the gap between thoughts and words/actions. If it's important, I need to stand up for myself. If it's not, I need to not waste energy thinking heavy bad thoughts about it.

LifeRecovery

I am really working hard on the saying:

Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.

I would get so caught up in the last part....that I would never say it. It takes awhile now, but it comes out.

I won the most "helpful" award in high school. I think I should get a refund.

choublak

Well I don't have any money to lend, and I can't cook much of anything except plátanos, so I'm "safe" there lol.