Scared and sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Thanks again everyone. Have had an overwhelmingly emotional day - I'm trying not to fight it, but to let it all out - I obviously need it.
This sometimes confuses me. Sometimes I'm 100% ready to walk out the door, and other times I'm not so sure, and find all sorts of excuses. I'm scared of going, and scared of not going so who knows what will happen!
You are not rambling at all. I need to keep hearing this message, so thank you, thank you, thank you.
I totally agree Marie. Pity and fear are the only things that have kept me here so long. There is no relationship, there hasn't been for a long time, and yet my concern for him keeps me hanging around!
It's kind of the other way around for us - I'm the one angry and he turns on the waterworks and curls up on his bed in pain. I know he does it to get to me and it's all part of his victim mentality!
So tomorrow's another day. I will treat myself, continue my search for my new home, and surround myself by people who care, even if they don't know that I'm needing them around.
Thank you all from a lovely SUNNY Ireland today
Adventure
Originally Posted by m1k3 
You'll know when it's time to leave.
Originally Posted by marliese22
Sorry if I am rambling just dont want someone else to waste the best years of their life. The Alcoholic will not change until they are ready. You can do this!!!
Originally Posted by marie1960
Reading your post, I get a sense of the pity you are feeling for your AH. Pity, is not a foundation for a healthy relationship.
Originally Posted by JenT1968
........and at that point I had a flash of insight, I realised that he wasn't crying and in pain, he was rageful and angry: and I saw our pattern, a pattern of emotions that we went through together each and every time I went through this.
So tomorrow's another day. I will treat myself, continue my search for my new home, and surround myself by people who care, even if they don't know that I'm needing them around.
Thank you all from a lovely SUNNY Ireland today
Adventure
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
You can do this!!
I'm doing it....my AXbf has been gone for a year, so it's not quite the same for me....
But the fear of the unknown is just really REALLY hard sometimes.
My closing date on a house is next week....the people who will be buying my house now came to see. They love it. His 84 yr old mother, his sisters and their husbands....his fiancee will be moving here. Except for the Mom, we were all the same age-range and they were ALL sooooo nice...and connected and.....
I felt SO alone. It's been tough all day.
Taking the steps to jump off that cliff, even when you're AT the cliff because the road you've been on is just not passable anymore, is hard.
Could you possibly be using your pity for him as an excuse to avoid doing the scary thing?
Just a thought......
I'm doing it....my AXbf has been gone for a year, so it's not quite the same for me....
But the fear of the unknown is just really REALLY hard sometimes.
My closing date on a house is next week....the people who will be buying my house now came to see. They love it. His 84 yr old mother, his sisters and their husbands....his fiancee will be moving here. Except for the Mom, we were all the same age-range and they were ALL sooooo nice...and connected and.....
I felt SO alone. It's been tough all day.
Taking the steps to jump off that cliff, even when you're AT the cliff because the road you've been on is just not passable anymore, is hard.
Could you possibly be using your pity for him as an excuse to avoid doing the scary thing?
Just a thought......
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Adventure, did you start on your list? I worked on cleaning my house today and am getting closer to clearing all the bad energy leftover from AXBF that is still here. I re-claimed part of my front yard today by weeding it just the way I like, with no interference from AXBF! I am reclaiming my space, my home, and my serenity. All he brought here was chaos, confusion, drama, and panic. He will never come here again.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
I wasn't sure either until after.
people here say " when you're done you know" or " when I was done there was no stopping me" or similar: that was not my experience. there was no certainty beforehand. afterwards the sense of relief and "rightness" was amazing.
this has never stopped, my life now is unbelievably better than it was when I was embroilled in the chaos and drama of my relationship with ex.
It was difficult at many points, but after we had seperated the clarity and freedom was such that I always knew no matter how hard "this" was, it was easier than living with active alcoholism.
good luck - we've got glorious sunshine today: hope you have too
people here say " when you're done you know" or " when I was done there was no stopping me" or similar: that was not my experience. there was no certainty beforehand. afterwards the sense of relief and "rightness" was amazing.
this has never stopped, my life now is unbelievably better than it was when I was embroilled in the chaos and drama of my relationship with ex.
It was difficult at many points, but after we had seperated the clarity and freedom was such that I always knew no matter how hard "this" was, it was easier than living with active alcoholism.
good luck - we've got glorious sunshine today: hope you have too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Hi all
At the risk of repeating myself, thanks again for your replies. I viewed a duplex apartment today that was really lovely. The rent is a bit expensive, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the financial side of things and I think if I have to tighten the belt initially it’ll be worth it. I have a couple more places lined up for viewing this week and will have decisions to make then. (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK lol)
Yep, pretty sure that’s exactly what I’ve been doing (I can’t get away with anything with you guys eh? lol). I had a moment of clarity and realised this recently, and know that I need to snap out of it. He’s been “behaving” himself for the last couple of weeks, relatively speaking of course, so that makes it even harder. I know I can do it though and thanks for the support!
Have to admit I haven’t yet L2L. I think that’ll be a nice thing to do tonight with a nice cup of tea and some homemade carrot cake given to me by a very kind friend. I have re-read your list, and it makes me reaslie even more how out of control my life is. It is time to get structure back into my life – I am going to love it.
You know, I think this will be the same for me also. I mean, if I’m still having doubts, after effectively living as a single person for the last couple of years, then I fear I’m never going to feel as ready as others on here seem to have been. When I visualise myself in a nice new apartment/house where I’m in control of nearly everything, I feel excited, happy, peaceful. So I know that I will be ready when I’m there.... if that makes sense.
So, things are moving, albeit slowly, but they’re moving in the right direction. No doubt I’ll be here for more support again soon as decision time approaches.
Adventure
At the risk of repeating myself, thanks again for your replies. I viewed a duplex apartment today that was really lovely. The rent is a bit expensive, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the financial side of things and I think if I have to tighten the belt initially it’ll be worth it. I have a couple more places lined up for viewing this week and will have decisions to make then. (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK lol)
Originally Posted by Argnotthisagain
Could you possibly be using your pity for him as an excuse to avoid doing the scary thing?
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
Adventure, did you start on your list?
Originally Posted by JenT1968
I wasn't sure either until after.
So, things are moving, albeit slowly, but they’re moving in the right direction. No doubt I’ll be here for more support again soon as decision time approaches.
Adventure
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