JenT1968

People whose significant others nearly kill them don't usually skip around with elation at the end of the relationship, children whose parents repeatedly abuse them often don't feel overwhelming, uncomplicated joy at the thought of never seeing their abusers again. Against that your feelings aren't that surprising? nor do they signify anything wrong with you.

We human beings are really complicated and feel all manner of conflicting things at the same time, often precisely not the way others or they themselves prior to the experience would figure. Don't judge those feelings, they don't define who you are.

Summerpeach

But man, I want to skip around saying out loud "Good bye you dumb-a$$, goodbye" hahah!

But you're right, it's a process.
I had a friend who was dx with terminal cancer and given 3 months to live.
She fought like a mad person to survive and well, 15 yrs later, she alive and cancer free.
When the dr told her she was in remission, she went into a DEEP depression because even though she was free of the "monster", after 3 yrs, she now had to resume normal living and no one dotting all over her to take care of her. She was all on her own.
She told me "being told you're in remission should be happy, but I was fearful of letting go of my new way of life"

Prob the same as ending a bad relationship..

FifiRhubarb

This might be a bit off topic, but for some reason your post about your friend feeling lost and depressed when she went into remission made me think of this. In the book "War Is A Force That Gives Us Meaning" (excellent book btw), the author talks about some friends of his in the Balkans who experienced depression and a sense of nostalgia after the war was over. They had lived their fullest lives under gunfire, when they were starving, etc. Now things were "normal" and "calm"...and their lives seemed to lack purpose. In a way (though I would imagine on a much smaller scale), maybe that's how a relationship that sucks you dry makes you feel when it's over. You are no longer on pins and needles. And though it was already over for all intents and purposes, now it's really over and that sense of anticipation/tension is gone. Just a thought. I hope you are feeling better!!

Summerpeach

Yes, exactly!
Feeling comfy in chaos is common. I want relief and know it will come

Argnotthisagain

What lillamy said.

Plus, one other thing I know because I can relate very well:

We deserve better,

we know this,

but we are TOO AFRAID WE WON'T GET IT!

The desperate need to remedy the terror of aloneness gets its hands around our necks in a choke-hold and then we believe only one thing: that "FEELING" I had about him was "IT".

Notice how I didn't say, "that feeling I had 'WITH' him"? That's because I realize that FEELING is something I cooked up myself. Completely one-way. I trick myself very well.

alcoholics or other pathological people participate by putting up an image and inviting people like me to believe it.

I have cooked up that desperate dependence on others who were also completely not available to me.


Let's be strong together!!!!!

Summerpeach

WOW, it's like words taken right out of my head.....>SO TRUE!!!!

And funny part is, I have tons of friends and men at me all the time, yet still fear the loneliness. !!!
I'm batty that way

Argnotthisagain

not batty at all peach!

but yeah, I get so frustrated with myself too......


today is rough.

HUGS!!!!!

Summerpeach

hugs for your rough day. Ride it out, shop, eat something naughty and smile

Anon12

I too am going through this sadness and grief but had a 'skip around' moment today. My new tv arrived that is much bigger than the one my XABF and I shared. He was always going on about us getting a bigger one but I was paying all the bills and food and paying for the holiday with minimal contribution from him so I didn't want to prioritise a tv when he wasn't offering to pay for it. Anyway, now Ive bought a big tv for just me. Its bittersweet but it made me smile.