shawty80

to his apology (in which he STILL blamed me), he decided to text my mom. he told her he was just trying to make sure that i was okay, and that he cares (loves) for me, but that we don't work as a couple. he admitted to re-reading all of the horrible things he said to me, and said that he felt fully responsible and very guilty. when my mom, very simply, told him he could have avoided this by trusting me, he responded with, "please don't try to fight me on this. i care about her." she then asked him to respect my wishes for him to leave me alone, he told her he would delete my number and ask his mom to change her fb password. that's right, he's been spying on me via his mom's page!!!

i cried, knowing that we don't "work as a couple" because he needs rum more than he loves the support, companionship, affection, and love from me. what. a. blow!!!!

suki44883

I'm so sorry you are hurting, shawty. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but honestly, you are so much better off with him out of your life. You deserve so much better.

shawty80

thanks, suki.

i think one positive is that, despite having a bruised ego, the blinders are being lifted a bit. i KNOW that i'm a better catch than a liquid!!! and someday - not any time soon - someone will appreciate all that i have to offer.

misty <3

gerryP

Sorry Shawty......

GettingBy

shawty,

sounds like you need to disconnect from the whole family... it may be painful for you... but it will protect you from further damage.

It's hard - I know. I wanted to keep in contact with my in-laws post-divorce - but it was just far too painful for me. We have very-limited, cordial conversations at kid-centered events but I can't and won't go any deeper/further because it's just not healthy for me.

No contact with my XAH also applies to family and friends I've had a few friends give me "updates" on XAH, and I've politely ended the topic and let them know that I'm not interested, nor is it my business, of XAH's goings-on.

What works best for me is to let all that stuff go!!

Hugs to you,
Shannon

Learn2Live

Same thing here shawty. This is one of the things he told his entire family, that we just didn't work out. Hello? Oh nevermind. It's just not worth me rehashing.

I need to get my strength back but I don't know how. You guys need to stop speaking with him. I unfriended him and everyone associated with him on FB, and so did my family.

shawty80

this has happened already, in many ways. i think, in part, his mom doesn't want to make anything harder for me by having contact with me. i respect that. she was the one he went to when he was trying to get me back, and i think in some ways she feels like she should have seen through his words of love. when we broke up, i mentioned to her that he had her fb password, and asked her if she minded changing it. i never followed up with her, and just assumed that she had. she logs on MAYBE once a month (and very rarely posts anything or comments), so i haven't seen much issue with keeping her as a friend. maybe i should rethink that?

thanks to sr (and kind people such as yourself, gb), i've done this, as well. we went to high school and college together, so my xabf and i have A LOT of mutual friends. i simply don't need to know what's going on with him.

i've maintained my silence for over a week, which is a feat for me! i didn't expect him to start texting my mom, though, and am happy that she said as little as she did. hopefully, there will be no more contact!

Tuffgirl

Hugs today. Yes, it hurts like hell.

But it too will pass, over time. And yes, I do believe we deserve better and it is out there for when we are ready to receive it.

Keep on keepin' on!
~T

Alucard

An alcoholic lives for alcohol. Alcohol comes before kids, spouse, work, family, you name it. An alcoholic needs to be (most of the time) surrounded by fellow alcoholics, so the drinking games can commence. An alcoholic and a non alcoholic together are not compatible.

shawty80

yeah...i know this NOW. i don't drink at all. in fact, i don't know that i've ever even finished a drink. he didn't mind this when he was sober, but once he started drinking again, it became a huge problem for him. i was told so many times that he couldn't figure out things for us to do together because i chose not to imbibe. i, literally, had a list of things that i had ASKED to do together (hiking in the mountains, cycling, rollerblading, dinner and a movie, etc.) that he shot down. if i suggested we go watch a band at a bar, however, he would ALWAYS go.

GettingBy

One day at a time has worked wonders for me!!! The early days of NC were really, really hard for me. I wanted to reach out, hear his voice... I was so conflicted because of my co-dependency. As time went on and my recovery progressed, the peace that NC brought was PRICELESS.

7 months later... I'm much stronger and those brief interactions are so much easier to handle. They don't send me into the emotional spin they used to.

Unfriending his mom on FB might be a good idea for now... maybe someday you can re-friend? Who knows! You have to decide what works best for YOU!!