Sadconfused

I feel so unappreciated and alone. I don't work so I am home all day alone with my daughter, taking care of her, cleaning, and fixing meals. ABF is at work all day and of course he can't talk much which is sad cause it's the only time he is sober. He comes home, plays with her a little and starts doing his own thing (playing with his car or computer) all while drinking from the minute he walks in. I don't see much of him cause he is busy wrapped up in whatever or talking to whoever. By the time I get the baby in bed and think that I might actually get to talk to him, he is passed out on the couch. I end up sitting alone watching tv and being angry before I finally go to bed where it takes me another hour or so to fall asleep because all of my worries and fears tend to rush out when I lay down at night. Then wake up the next morning and repeat. There has to more than this......

Learn2Live

Imagine living this way for another 50 years. That's what my mother has done. It is no way to live.

wicked

yes, 50 years with a permanent teenager?
OMG that gives me the shivers. it's like a horror movie.
I remember one time when my ex called me "ma".
<shuddder> when he wanted money.
Sadandconfused, time to make some decisions. No need to do it today.
Just think about your daughters future.
And, yes, there is a sober man out there who will meet you and your daughter and think you are the cat's meow.
Give yourself time to rest and recover.

Beth

dandylion

Dear sad, this only promises to get worse. If you want something more, you will have to take action. I suggest to get to the nearest alanon meeting. Begin to read. Read all the stickies at the top of this page about alcoholism, etc. Read about co-dependency in relationships.

Starting to act will help pull you out of this hopeless rut and show you the possibilities about your situation and life in general. You sound young---you should be looking at your life with anticipation and fulfillment. Dont' waste years living like this---like so many others have.

You can take the baby to alanon meetings.

What do you think about this??

in support, dandylion.

Sadconfused

I'm 27, we have been together for 11 years. I have come very close to leaving him a few times but the guilt always gets me. I would love to attend some meetings but as I mentioned in a few previous post, I can't get out of th house much without him knowing where and what not because of other issues we have/had unless it was late at night after he passes out. I know I need away from him logically but of course doing it is a completely different story.

dandylion

Sad, do you mind saying why/how he prevents you from going out to a meeting? You don't have to say, but it would assist others who would like to help you to know.

thanks. dandylion.

Sadconfused

It's so frustrating, I just wish he would get his act together and be the man he was. Part of me loves him so much but a little of that dies everytime I have to "babysit" him while he is wasted. I'm actually embarrassed and nervous about taking him around family cause he is sure to be drinking and either make a fool of himself or start a fight with me. I wish I had the courage to tell him to just leave but I don't which upsets me more.

Sadconfused

He has a lot of trust issues which stem from a mistake on my part. He was drinking/playing his game all the time, I ended up talking to a male friend behind his back. He would follow me, throw a fit, and flip because I was going somewhere to complain about him ( I know this isn't true but that's how he would interupt it). Sorry, I explained better on a previous post so I don't feel like typing it all up at the moment.

Sadconfused

I could/can leave whenever I want but it would be followed with one of his crazy drunken rage fits which includes him accessing me of everything and anything but the truth. I know I am only holding myself back by staying but the responsibility of him and guilt stop me. I doubt I would get much peace if I left him, he would never allow it.

dandylion

Dear sad, listen to anvilhead. You are living in a hostage type situation. You are in the victim role at this point.

It is your responsibility to get yourself out of this situation--simply for the reason that nobody else can do it. And nobody can help you unless you are willing to help yourself.
You must take so me baby steps---that is action---nothing will change untilsome action happens. Without action, you will remain as a victim. Your child deserves a better break in life than this.

There is enormous amount of help at the domestic violence centers. You can call the hotline listed in the phonebook or on the internet. You can do this anomyously without him ever knowing this. They know the questions to ask you and they WANT to help. They deal with situations like yours everyday. Their counselors can walk you through what steps to take, and in what order. They know how to get a restraining order--if that is ever necessary. They can also tell you the right, and safest way to prepare to leave if that is what you want to do.
There is a lot of information to study on the internet which can help you---just google domestic violence help.
Keep posting here. There is help for your situation.

In support, dandylion.