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Recovery update: Mine and his

Old 07-16-2012, 06:17 AM
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Recovery update: Mine and his

Last night I went to Al-Anon with a friend. I had been before but didn't really give it a full chance, so I'm trying to do that now. Honestly, I didn't get much out of the meeting last night-- it was all about service within Al-Anon, so it was very insiders and people kept using initials like RD the whole time. I felt kind of shaky and overwhelmed being there. Still, I'm glad I went, and I am going to visit some other meetings.

In the meantime, I have had contact with XABF and he, who refused to admit he had a problem, is now going to AA. (He went to maybe three meetings in the past but did not commit). He is 10 days sober, has gone to a meeting every day and has a sponsor. He sounds very focused -- taking care of other things he was neglecting, etc. and very calm. He says he wants to do this for him, and he's feeling good.

Both of us have a long recovery road ahead. We will see where it leads us. My focus remains taking care of me, and so far so good!

Weekend was productive. Ordered more furniture for my place. Shopped a lot (for home stuff and groceries -- actually going to cook this week)! Spent time with girlfriends.

Thanks for listening!
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Old 07-16-2012, 06:58 AM
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i felt the same way at al-anon. of course, i think the fact that there were only three other people there (all regulars) and they kept *explaining* everything to me only heightened my sense of discomfort. i'm planning on giving it another shot, though. so glad you took that step!

i wish your xabf all the best on his road to recovery. i would love to know that my xabf was doing the same!!

congratulations on your own strides this weekend. it sounds like you're doing great things for yourself!
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Old 07-16-2012, 07:36 AM
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Find a different meeting, jessiec. (I have sat through those "service" meetings and sometimes wanted to scream because there were newcomers to the meeting who NEEDED the meeting to be about RECOVERY. It was as though the newcomers were invisible. If that had been my first meeting I doubt I would ever have gone back either. In fact, I have not gone back to certain meetings because they feel so insular). There are good meetings out there. Codependents Anonymous and Adult Children of Alcoholics: those groups often have good energy.

Good luck. When you find a meeting you actually look forward to attending, you'll know that's the one. And people with a sense of humor in the group....Look for spark!
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Old 07-16-2012, 01:55 PM
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My first meeting was so different.
As I was a newcomer - everything was explained as we went along and I was made to feel so welcome - it made a big difference and made me want to go back. Each person there also spoke about their 1st meeting and how they had made progress to date.
Try a different meeting - you don't have to stay with the same place.

Keep going back - your worth it so work it!!
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Old 07-16-2012, 02:12 PM
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I felt the same way with my first meeting- but stuck with it.
Once I had a couple done, and got to know everyone( its a small group of about 10) I felt far more comfortable, and I find it really helps me focus on my recovery. I had never realised how affected and 'sick' I had become until I took the time to stand back from the chaos!
I do hope that you find a group that works for you,
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Old 07-16-2012, 04:54 PM
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Some meetings have a "Newcomer's Meeting" which can be really helpful to give you the gist.

Honestly, I had to read "How Al Anon Works" to figure it all out.

It can be really overwhelming. For one thing...you're hurting. For another...everyone else seems to already "get it."

I remember the first time someone tried to hold my hand at the end of the meeting to say the closing prayer all together....I about recoiled like a python!!!

You will pick up the lingo and the vibe of everything in no time!
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Old 07-16-2012, 05:36 PM
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The newcomers meeting was really helpful for me. I started with an open meeting, got to know a couple of people and then they suggested a closed meeting for me. Walking into a closed meeting where there were a few familiar faces was really helpful.

I managed to get through my first meeting without crying on Sunday. Eventually it starts to click. There is a reason they say "keep coming back".
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