This helped me understand my part in the abusive cycle
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
This helped me understand my part in the abusive cycle
Schema Therapy
Schema Therapy Therapy is an innovative psychotherapy, developed by Dr. Jeffrey Young. It applies to Personality disordered individuals, and nons, also to addicts and enablers.
It is very technical speak, but it really rang my BIG bell.
This is especially POTENT information about why we keep on trying to be UNDERSTOOD; Why we have desperate needs to re engage even if we have decided on NC. The Codependent plays out the "lonely child", whose key phrase is, "I need to be UNDERSTOOD."
The hook for the CoD, is being unfairly blamed, scapegoated, or misunderstood.
I have been doing much research and self reflection around why I was WILLING to stay in an abusive, neglectful situation for so long.
I believe my exRAH is dealing with psych issues around abandonement which can manifest as a personality disorder.
I cannot stress enough how much it looks exactly like the Alcoholic/Codependent dynamic.
In this link, the enabler/CoD is called the 'lonely child', while the A would play the role of the 'abandoned' child.
It has been VERY helpful for me to learn this, and to start doing the necessary self healing to break this pattern, so I do not only repeat it, but so I also do not pass it on to my child.
Explorations into the mind
Schema Therapy Therapy is an innovative psychotherapy, developed by Dr. Jeffrey Young. It applies to Personality disordered individuals, and nons, also to addicts and enablers.
It is very technical speak, but it really rang my BIG bell.
This is especially POTENT information about why we keep on trying to be UNDERSTOOD; Why we have desperate needs to re engage even if we have decided on NC. The Codependent plays out the "lonely child", whose key phrase is, "I need to be UNDERSTOOD."
The hook for the CoD, is being unfairly blamed, scapegoated, or misunderstood.
I have been doing much research and self reflection around why I was WILLING to stay in an abusive, neglectful situation for so long.
I believe my exRAH is dealing with psych issues around abandonement which can manifest as a personality disorder.
I cannot stress enough how much it looks exactly like the Alcoholic/Codependent dynamic.
In this link, the enabler/CoD is called the 'lonely child', while the A would play the role of the 'abandoned' child.
It has been VERY helpful for me to learn this, and to start doing the necessary self healing to break this pattern, so I do not only repeat it, but so I also do not pass it on to my child.
Explorations into the mind
Last edited by Seren; 07-15-2012 at 12:03 PM. Reason: Fixed broken hyperlink.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Yes, thank you!
This is me, and you and bazillions of other folks I've seen post here, all the way.
Can't wait to read it Buffalo, thank you!!
This is especially POTENT information about why we keep on trying to be UNDERSTOOD; Why we have desperate needs to re engage even if we have decided on NC. The Codependent plays out the "lonely child", whose key phrase is, "I need to be UNDERSTOOD."
The hook for the CoD, is being unfairly blamed, scapegoated, or misunderstood.
The hook for the CoD, is being unfairly blamed, scapegoated, or misunderstood.
Can't wait to read it Buffalo, thank you!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Transform,
You can click on the bottom link. Explorations into the mind.
I am very confused about this because I feel I am both.
I am the lonely child and the abandoned child.
Yes, Adult Child keeps coming up, and this seems to be where I must go.
Beth
You can click on the bottom link. Explorations into the mind.
I am very confused about this because I feel I am both.
I am the lonely child and the abandoned child.
Yes, Adult Child keeps coming up, and this seems to be where I must go.
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Transform,
Yes, the same info was blogged into the last link labeled "explorations into the mind"
The Schema therapy link was just a reference to the source material, and the therapy that developed these ideas.
I had a major mind blow over this stuff, and yes,wicked, I also see myself in both, but in terms of my relationship to my RAH, this was me being the "lonely Child" all the way.
I just kept going back to be UNDERSTOOD.
I am really looking deep, now, to identify my own original wounds that lead me to that spot. I had done a lot of therapy processing trauma in the past, but I feel that my RAH blindsided a part of me that was still unhealed, essentially, the one that felt that it was my fault my father died when I was 13 years old. My mom had actualy said that it was my fault to me while drunk (years later, she made amends, but that 13 year old me played that-- It was not my fault, let me fix this, let me make sure you dont blame me --game with my RAH for years.
I would even WANT TO LEAVE, but he would play into this with his unhealed stuff, and I would trigger into the desperation of not wanting to be blamed or misunderstood.
BTW: Wicked, Schemas run on a spectrum. You can be some of a few, or a little of all, but in different dynamics, one schema sort of takes the 'drivers seat'
In my case, it was this very still wounded part who felt blamed, and, i feel then attracted my A in order to "work that out".
Convoluted, but, it did l lead me here, to look at the still broken stuff, so...Some part of my psyche was just trying to complete things, I guess.
Now I just have to give all that stuff to myself: All that reassurance and really heal the fear that I messed up someones life, truly. Its a childlike fear. It is a child that is still active inside of me. With help in therapy, or with other tools I am planning to release this dynamic in myself.
Yes, the same info was blogged into the last link labeled "explorations into the mind"
The Schema therapy link was just a reference to the source material, and the therapy that developed these ideas.
I had a major mind blow over this stuff, and yes,wicked, I also see myself in both, but in terms of my relationship to my RAH, this was me being the "lonely Child" all the way.
I just kept going back to be UNDERSTOOD.
I am really looking deep, now, to identify my own original wounds that lead me to that spot. I had done a lot of therapy processing trauma in the past, but I feel that my RAH blindsided a part of me that was still unhealed, essentially, the one that felt that it was my fault my father died when I was 13 years old. My mom had actualy said that it was my fault to me while drunk (years later, she made amends, but that 13 year old me played that-- It was not my fault, let me fix this, let me make sure you dont blame me --game with my RAH for years.
I would even WANT TO LEAVE, but he would play into this with his unhealed stuff, and I would trigger into the desperation of not wanting to be blamed or misunderstood.
BTW: Wicked, Schemas run on a spectrum. You can be some of a few, or a little of all, but in different dynamics, one schema sort of takes the 'drivers seat'
In my case, it was this very still wounded part who felt blamed, and, i feel then attracted my A in order to "work that out".
Convoluted, but, it did l lead me here, to look at the still broken stuff, so...Some part of my psyche was just trying to complete things, I guess.
Now I just have to give all that stuff to myself: All that reassurance and really heal the fear that I messed up someones life, truly. Its a childlike fear. It is a child that is still active inside of me. With help in therapy, or with other tools I am planning to release this dynamic in myself.
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