CK1978

I don't know what to do. I found out that he was cheating (among other things), and I asked to leave. I've been seeing a counselor, and she advised me to end all contact with him, which I have. The other night, he trumped me, saying that he is on the lease, and this is his house (I pay the bills though), he wants his key back, how dare I throw him out, etc., etc.

I don't want him in my house. I don't want to be around him, but I have no where else to go. Now he's saying that he wants to be together again. The sad thing is he's been in recovery for years! I don't get it. Any advice as to what I should to? I've been trying to find a coda meeting that's close, but it's been tough.

Learn2Live

Call your landlord and ask if they will remove him from the lease.

Pelican

Check with the landlord, and also get a free consultation from a family law lawyer about your rights in your home state.

If you have to let him back in temporarily, then he will have to pay his share of the bills. Ask for the money upfront.

I don't know all of your story, but I bet he realizes he has it made with you paying all the bills and he wants his free ride to continue.

He may WANT to be together again, but you have a say in this too.

MsPINKAcres

checking on having his name removed from the lease - since he has already moved out is a great option; i would also suggest that his name be removed from the utilities also ~

Maybe see if you can change the locks?

If it ends up you have to allow him back ~ then comes the hard part, but you might have to stick to it about him paying 1/2 the bills. . .

My (now ex ah) refused to give me the $$ ~ he was suppose to pay some of the utility bills directly ~ he didn't & they turned the water, cable, etc. off ~ I refused to pay to have it turned back on ~ i simply went to my Mom's to shower & wash my clothes.

It was tough to hear him whine & complain ~ but it was time to stand up for me ~ he never would pay anything consistantly ~ I decided I deserved better and moved out ~

Do what is healthy for YOU!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Cyranoak

Move. There are plenty of places to go and saying you have nowhere else to go is a cop-out. It may be inconvenient but it's worth it. My wife wouldn't move so I did. In retrospect it was easy.

Find a new place and move. Make it happen. Period.

Cyranoak

painfully

I did this dance so many times. Well, really only twice, but it felt like a million times. I'd kick him out and there was always some reason that he had to come back.

If you want it to be over, move. Get your own place. If you aren't sure, then make sure you set some really clear boundaries with him.

Kiana

If the "among other things" include grounds for obtaining a restraining order he would not be allowed near where you reside.

choublak

What don't you get?

IMHO, alcoholism has nothing to do with cheating...the title of your thread, "I kicked him out, but he came back..." just add "repeat until you've had enough" and you've got the story of my mom putting up with and finally divorcing my dad. My mom played that game for too long, it's like a merry-go-round that you keep jumping on and off of. And neither of my parents are alcoholics, so my mom didn't have the option of trying to figure out where does the alcoholism come into play. She had to come to the conclusion of "that man is crazy and I don't want that kind of life for myself". You too have that option.

I don't know if this is the first time your husband has done this. Maybe this will only happen once. I'm just saying, I recognized a few things when I read your posts, such as the begging and crying, that may well be the start of a cycle. Keep your eyes open.

WritingFromLife

CK1978 I don't know if this will help--maybe check with your counselor---if he has a history of cheating, you might want to look into C.O.S.A. (Cosa.org) CoDa, Alanon, Both of those are great---COSA is Alanon based and has this specific issue on the table (unfaithfulness). It's a different kind of betrayal you are experiencing and this might give you some relief.