Tuesday nights
 

I used to dread this time of the week when I was with xABF. Tuesday was always a night "off" because I worked late. So he'd be free to drink without interruption (around me he always tried to hide/sneak it).

I'd always dread that 7 pm phone call I'd make to him after my meeting, knowing he'd probably be drunk. I'd fear the additional calls that night, hearing the alcohol in his voice. Often, I'd avoid his calls and the next day, saying I fell asleep early -- because I knew I wouldnt like what he said/how he sounded by 11 pm.

So while I'm tempted tonight to let myself feel "lonely" without him, I'm reminding myself I felt very lonely with him too.

This is so well said! I know exactly how you feel, especially tonight. I want to be sentimental and miss AH tonight, but really I kind of don't. I miss the idea of him, not the man.

yep, i know how this feels! tuesday nights are junior league nights for me (usually once or twice a month, anyway), and i could always count on my xabf drinking more on these nights. so much so, that i automatically went straight to the guest bedroom, so as not to be kicked, elbowed, and punched in my sleep.

tonight, i met with a friend to order christmas decorations for a junior league event, went to the bookstore for a little melody beattie, and came home to a chat with my momma. all of this after spending the day with my best friend.

bet my xabf sat at home with his bottle of bacardi...

Oh, the dreaded calls to/from home on the days/nights when AH was home alone - I know the agony of which you speak. I used to work Saturdays, and I dreaded calling him or getting calls from him on those days. I never knew what exactly I was going home to, and I was the one person who did NOT actually want to leave work to go home on Saturday evenings. He used to call me to see when I was coming home - not because he missed me, but I know it's because he was figuring out how much time he had to drink or go get more booze before I came home. Half the time, he'd be so smashed that he wouldn't even hang up the phone properly, so the phone would be off the hook for hours until I got home and found the one he "forgot" to hang up. I hated those Saturdays.

Now I have grown to hate weekends because I'm never quite sure what they will bring either. Mondays are dreadful as well because I've had to pretty much lie about many a weekend since I really don't feel like sharing how much it sucks to be living with an AH. (Oh, how I had to skim over much of my long birthday weekend when I returned to work today - I left out the part about my husband's binging, my total emotional breakdown, and the ensuing depression!)

I'm done trying to anticipate what will happen (or at least I'm trying to be) - I have enough to deal with on the day to day, so I'm working to just live in the now and try to make this now the best now it can be. I'm not doing terribly well on that just yet, but day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

This....
This....
This....
And this....
:react

It's feckin exhausting...... Even though in my head I am pretty much separated in all bar "accommodation" from AH, I still have all this. Why on earth I am still allowing it to continue is beyond me.

Oh yes. Those how-much-can-I-drink-before-you-get-here calls. Hated those. Every time we got together, there was such weirdness with times/scheduling for that reason. So many times I'd go over at the time we decided, and he's just be getting IN the shower -- he drank until the last minute and then had to "hide" it.

Weekends were often a disappointment. We'd make all these plans, but so many went unfulfilled because he was drinking/sneaking or started fights with me so he could drink without sneaking. I could never feel good about plans made with friends, knowing there was a good chance he'd flake one way or another. Sunday's (when you can't buy alcohol here), he'd always find b excuse to spend a good chunk of the day at his parents where there is always free alcohol in ample supply.