New here...new-ish to this...so lost.
7
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
The book is called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson.
Surviving through- and recovering from- the five stages that accompany the loss of love.
Long subtitle! It is an excellent book.
I understand you are saying the five years was not ALL for DV. But, he was the one who had all the charges that were stacked together to get 5 years. I cannot judge on felons, my oldest son is a felon. He still denies the charge. Or, he minimizes, justifies, rationalizes the time he got.
Watch his actions, not listen to his words. His actions will tell you.
Beth
Surviving through- and recovering from- the five stages that accompany the loss of love.
Long subtitle! It is an excellent book.
If he weren't an alcoholic should I still leave him? Since he's a felon? That's what I'm getting
Watch his actions, not listen to his words. His actions will tell you.
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 87
One thing I respect about my boyfriend is that you will never ever hear him say he didn't deserve to go to prison, or he got a raw deal, or anything like that. Of course he wishes he didn't go, but he knows he deserved it. At his best he is very mindful and insightful, which makes this so hard.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
It is hard, so very hard.
I wanted so much to just be good friends, and enjoy life.
No dramas, and scenes or addictions (he has none, physically anyway),
I am not sure but his ex sounds like an NPD, and he is not finished yet.
He keeps contact (to get his stuff he says) and she has started to act (he says)
like she is listening, and doing the "right" thing.
Whatever the hell that is. He has forgotten two years ago.
It was bad for him, very very bad.
anyway, i must go lie down. I have a book to read and ease my mind.
talk some more tomorrow.
Beth
I wanted so much to just be good friends, and enjoy life.
No dramas, and scenes or addictions (he has none, physically anyway),
I am not sure but his ex sounds like an NPD, and he is not finished yet.
He keeps contact (to get his stuff he says) and she has started to act (he says)
like she is listening, and doing the "right" thing.
Whatever the hell that is. He has forgotten two years ago.
It was bad for him, very very bad.
anyway, i must go lie down. I have a book to read and ease my mind.
talk some more tomorrow.
Beth
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Welcome to SR!
I suggest you keep reading the posts in the Family and Friends of Alcoholics forum. This is just the beginning of your life together with this guy. I wish you well. Remember, you didn't cause his behavior, you can't change his behavior, and you can't cure his behavior.
If you get well and focus on you, you'll realize how low you've set your bar for the man in your life. This sounds harsh, but I don't wish you the life I've had. It was not fun. the words "manipulation and abuse" come to my mind, and I'm thinking of my ex (who was very much like your bf is).
As a little girl, I never thought I'd get involved with an ex-criminal, but I did. Oooops. Not fun. I just found my rather large old file from the assault charges I had to press against him, actually, by that time, I was just a witness for the state, I didn't really press charges, but I did choose to sign the paperwork for the state, it was the only way to get out of that marriage at the time. Ouch. He never did get sober.....
I thought my man would change, too. He was so charming, mindful, insightful and intelligent....
Stick around SR!
I suggest you keep reading the posts in the Family and Friends of Alcoholics forum. This is just the beginning of your life together with this guy. I wish you well. Remember, you didn't cause his behavior, you can't change his behavior, and you can't cure his behavior.
If you get well and focus on you, you'll realize how low you've set your bar for the man in your life. This sounds harsh, but I don't wish you the life I've had. It was not fun. the words "manipulation and abuse" come to my mind, and I'm thinking of my ex (who was very much like your bf is).
As a little girl, I never thought I'd get involved with an ex-criminal, but I did. Oooops. Not fun. I just found my rather large old file from the assault charges I had to press against him, actually, by that time, I was just a witness for the state, I didn't really press charges, but I did choose to sign the paperwork for the state, it was the only way to get out of that marriage at the time. Ouch. He never did get sober.....
I thought my man would change, too. He was so charming, mindful, insightful and intelligent....
Stick around SR!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 19
Hi Fifi,
Welcome to SR. I only have one thing to say really, you are so young to be dealing with these issues...go and live your life, there maybe someone out there who totally deserves you and will adore you without any of these issues.
I wish I never in this situation but at nearly 45 its hard to start again and again....so I am stopping it now and staying in a place of inner peace.
Knowing I can love my alcoholic from afar and let him make his choices.
Love and Light
Luanne
Welcome to SR. I only have one thing to say really, you are so young to be dealing with these issues...go and live your life, there maybe someone out there who totally deserves you and will adore you without any of these issues.
I wish I never in this situation but at nearly 45 its hard to start again and again....so I am stopping it now and staying in a place of inner peace.
Knowing I can love my alcoholic from afar and let him make his choices.
Love and Light
Luanne
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
I have relations in Portland Origon.
My hope for you would be to get to Al-anon.
Learning to detach from a Disease is tough on your own.
You will learn to detach from the Disease,but not from the Real Person.
You are so young yet,you have your whole life ahead of you.
Keep yourself intact....you cant save an Addict,by trying to save him.
He will save himself....if you look after yourself....first.
Peace to your heart .
My hope for you would be to get to Al-anon.
Learning to detach from a Disease is tough on your own.
You will learn to detach from the Disease,but not from the Real Person.
You are so young yet,you have your whole life ahead of you.
Keep yourself intact....you cant save an Addict,by trying to save him.
He will save himself....if you look after yourself....first.
Peace to your heart .
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