Lost and confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3
Lost and confused
I told myself I would never be the GF that makes her BF choose one thing or another...
A little insight on my life...
Ive been with him for only about 4 months but he truly does treat me good and makes me happy. We met at a party and he currently lives with me in a house I recently bought, along with two other roommates. When he drinks excessively he wets the bed. That was my first problem. Then I noticed how different he is, and I literally told him he acts stupid when he's drunk. Our most recent problem occured this weekend after I "happened" to glance at his phone and found a text in the outbox to a girl saying "Hey u still wanna ****?". He says he was drunk at the time and doesnt even remember it. It hurt me, badly. With all of the realtor and lender stuff going on and moving, we havent really been active in the bedroom. I straight up told him, me or alcohol. Last time he realized he had a problem was when he went out on a work night, had my debit card and the keys to his work van that was blocking my roommates car. I had to spend an hour at 3am trying to find him then going across down to get him. He did great for about a week and a half, sticking to only a beer or two. THIS time when I gave him the ultimatium, he barely lasted 6 hours. We had people over and I caught him with a beer in hand. He said it was only his second and that was all he would drink. Long story short he ended up drinking more. I asked him if he thought I wasnt serious. He doesnt seem to understand that regrettably I WILL leave him if he continues.
BTW, he is a binge alcoholic. His father was the same way and that is actually the reason for his parents splitting.
It probably doesnt help that my best friend is a daily alcoholic. He'll get off work and bring home a six pack. He lives with us as well.
I'm at a loss at what to do. He usually makes me forget about it at the moment when we smoke. I am 420 friendly and it does not disrupt my personal or work life. He has depression, I am bipolar. Last November before I knew him he overdosed and spent a week in a mental health facility.
Any inputs, ideas, suggestions, stories, etc. GREATLY APPRECIATED!
A little insight on my life...
Ive been with him for only about 4 months but he truly does treat me good and makes me happy. We met at a party and he currently lives with me in a house I recently bought, along with two other roommates. When he drinks excessively he wets the bed. That was my first problem. Then I noticed how different he is, and I literally told him he acts stupid when he's drunk. Our most recent problem occured this weekend after I "happened" to glance at his phone and found a text in the outbox to a girl saying "Hey u still wanna ****?". He says he was drunk at the time and doesnt even remember it. It hurt me, badly. With all of the realtor and lender stuff going on and moving, we havent really been active in the bedroom. I straight up told him, me or alcohol. Last time he realized he had a problem was when he went out on a work night, had my debit card and the keys to his work van that was blocking my roommates car. I had to spend an hour at 3am trying to find him then going across down to get him. He did great for about a week and a half, sticking to only a beer or two. THIS time when I gave him the ultimatium, he barely lasted 6 hours. We had people over and I caught him with a beer in hand. He said it was only his second and that was all he would drink. Long story short he ended up drinking more. I asked him if he thought I wasnt serious. He doesnt seem to understand that regrettably I WILL leave him if he continues.
BTW, he is a binge alcoholic. His father was the same way and that is actually the reason for his parents splitting.
It probably doesnt help that my best friend is a daily alcoholic. He'll get off work and bring home a six pack. He lives with us as well.
I'm at a loss at what to do. He usually makes me forget about it at the moment when we smoke. I am 420 friendly and it does not disrupt my personal or work life. He has depression, I am bipolar. Last November before I knew him he overdosed and spent a week in a mental health facility.
Any inputs, ideas, suggestions, stories, etc. GREATLY APPRECIATED!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3
Oh not to mention he does this thing alot where he claims to have not heard something I said and then gets pissed when I remind him. Or gets mad when he claims he told me something, but my sober ear obviously didnt hear him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I used to give ultimatums, but then I realized it was really my choice to make. I either accepted what was happening in the relationship and chose to live with it, or I accepted what was happening in the relationship and chose not to live with it. If I chose not to live with it, that usually meant it was time for me to say goodbye.
We have more choices than a) hope he changes/change him, b) suffer the chaos and confusion.
We have more choices than a) hope he changes/change him, b) suffer the chaos and confusion.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3
Some may think we moved a little fast with him living with me but we were already together so much it was like we were anyway. He makes me happy. Im lucky enough that he doesnt get verbally or emotionally abusive. I really care about him, I really do. The last time he sought help he got to the point of calling an ex AA member and getting a mentor, having coffee with him, talking etc.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Im lucky enough that he doesnt get verbally or emotionally abusive. I really care about him, I really do.
I deserve more. So do you!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by ADNAP 
Im lucky enough that he doesnt get verbally or emotionally abusive.
Alcoholism is progressive, it gets worse if left untreated.
Please keep reading and posting as much as needed. We have been where you are and tried to loved our alcoholics into sobriety. Unfortunately, all we got in return was more drama, chaos, heartbreak and financial disasters.
I learned alot about alcoholism from reading the "sticky" posts at the top of this page. The sticky posts are older posts that have been preserved for the wisdom they contain.
If you want to help your bf, follow the steps in this link. I did, and it helped!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Holy crap, ADNAP, saying this as gently as I can, but you are in way over your head.
I would suggest educating yourself about addiction, and alcoholism. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Without recovery the disease will only escalate. You can be assured as the disease progresses so will his demeanor.
So he is peeing the bed now, and that grosses you out, well....in time he'll be peeing on your other possessions too, and not even remember doing it.
This is a horrible disease, you have no control over if he drinks or not. Asking an active alkie to choose you or the booze is a complete waste of your time.
Perhaps the question you should be asking is why you feel compelled to stay involved with someone who is not emotionally available?
You only have 4 months invested, that's a drop in the bucket in comparison to the rest of your life. He texts other women and asks for sex, and then blames it on being drunk, with certainty I say, that is called giving the booze way to much credit.
Guess if this is the kind of guy you think you deserve, by all means I would never tell you different, just know, it is a very real possibility to share your love with someone worthy.
Keep reading and posting, we are here.
I would suggest educating yourself about addiction, and alcoholism. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Without recovery the disease will only escalate. You can be assured as the disease progresses so will his demeanor.
So he is peeing the bed now, and that grosses you out, well....in time he'll be peeing on your other possessions too, and not even remember doing it.
This is a horrible disease, you have no control over if he drinks or not. Asking an active alkie to choose you or the booze is a complete waste of your time.
Perhaps the question you should be asking is why you feel compelled to stay involved with someone who is not emotionally available?
You only have 4 months invested, that's a drop in the bucket in comparison to the rest of your life. He texts other women and asks for sex, and then blames it on being drunk, with certainty I say, that is called giving the booze way to much credit.
Guess if this is the kind of guy you think you deserve, by all means I would never tell you different, just know, it is a very real possibility to share your love with someone worthy.
Keep reading and posting, we are here.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Im lucky enough that he doesnt get verbally or emotionally abusive.
You know *sigh*, this make me both completely speechless and incredibly sad all at the same time.
I hope and pray that someday you will see that you deserve love and respect from a man who is fully present, a full partner to you. You are worth so much more than 'lucky enough'.
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
Is there anything that says he will change, did you mention anything redeeming about him, are you kidding us? If I weren't an alcoholic and well versed on this stuff I'd think differently; BUT; BAIL OUT NOW! For goodness me, this is going downhill at light speed. I hope and pray you get yourself straightened out after you dump this guy. Let him find his own path towards recovery, sounds as though it will be a long path. Go now and take care of yourself.
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