ex husband under the influence when son is visiting
 

When I picked up my son at exAH's house tonight I could smell Marijuana. Son got into car and I said "I smell weed". Son said huh. After I returned home, exAH was acting weird, sending texts to me saying he was sorry he didn't bring son home, I told him before when I picked up son that is was no problem, I was out and about. His paranoia alerted me. He also texted our son too to be sure I was not mad, my behavior was far from mad, I was fine with it. ExAH called our son and son said, before he answered, "Dad is calling because he knows we smelled it." So while son was talking to him I got in the car and went over there to see if it still smelled. It didn't. ExAH wanted me to come into the house to talk about it, I could tell he had been drinking, but I walked back to the garage, looked around, it was clean, didn't see anything suspicious. I said to exAH just give me a hair sample and I will have it tested. He thought I was ridiculous, he didn't know you could buy a kit yourself, I told him about it. He hesitated and tried to side track me and I kept saying, look I don't care what you do when our son is not with you, but you were responsible for him until 9pm and it was before then when we stopped to get son's things. But I do care if our son is involved. He said he swears he wasn't using MJ, I said ok, then give me a hair sample, he thought it was ridiculous, then finally pulled one out of his head and put it in a baggie, when I got home I couldn't see the hair in the bag. Wished I would have asked for urine. What are my rights? Should I go ask for a urine sample tomorrow? I don't think I got enough hair, if any at all. We are separated and do not have final papers yet, should soon. Son says he never smelled it there before, son knows his dad was arrested last summer for growing 2 pot plants in his back yard.

Have you had any agreements about the drinking and weed smoking before this? I am no lawyer, but without anything on paper, I am not sure what you can do. You did manage to get a hair from him, but I don't think that is enough to get solid proof.
Since you don't have any final papers yet, ask your attorney what you can do to prevent your ex from using when your son is around. Or a certain time limit say 6 hours before he comes over he cannot imbibe, nor use during the visit either.
Do not let ex know you are going down this road, he will start looking for ways to get around it, and there are ways to get around it. Addicts learn these things.
Talk to your attorney, get your rights in writing signed by a judge, if this is possible.
Your son should not be any part of this addiction of his dad's, how old is your son?
He is old enough to recognize the smell and call it what it is? Yeah, you need this in writing.
I am hoping the best for your and your son.

Beth

Check with the cops or your lawyer.
In my state, the law says -- if you are too much under the influence to legally drive, you are breaking the law if you have minors that you are the caretaker for.

My son is 15, I did email my lawyer last night right away. I am going to pursue the written form and do what I can. Thanks so much!

Received an email from exAH today saying he had a drug test on Monday and it came back negative. I am going to get a copy of it, I replied that I was relieved and thanked him. Do I believe the drug test? I googled how to pass a drug test and there are many ways....let go and let God....that's my plan....

A. With all due respect, son may have been smoking himself. B. Dad smokes regularly.

Stop asking for samples he won't give you. Talk to your lawyer and figure out how to legally proceed. At any time Dad will fail a drug test, hair or pee (it's very easy to pass unsupervised pee tests, so if he does a pee test somebody has to watch him pee). Since his passing a test is a non-issue, you just have to proceed in a healthy, safe, and legal way.

Don't demand hair or pee out of anger or to "prove" you are right, and don't expect to get it. That's not rational. He's a smoker, you know it, and you know what pot smells like. He may be stoned, but he's not going to willingly hang himself.

My two cents.

Cyranoak

My son was not at his house, he was at a friend's house, I picked him up, then we went to dad's house to pick up his things, that is when we both smelled it, when we were in the driveway. Thanks for your two cents, I am....take care.

I had a similar experience and I drove myself crazy. Talk with your lawyer. When my oldest's dad got busted for selling drugs they wouldn't take away his visitation. Instead he had to take a drug test the day he came and got her. He only got her if it was negative for drugs. I explained that he knew how to pass a drug test. They didn't care.

I finally had to let go and let God handle it.