Feeling Icky....
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: california
Posts: 103
Feeling Icky....
I know this is a patheic post...and alanon is the answer...but I just cant get there right now and needed to complain...
1) AH has been acting somewhat manic or obsessive for several days now. Driving me nuts! I fluctuate between feeling so sad for him and annoyance. My stomach has been doing flips for days....It started when he stopped drinking and librium wore off. Is this normal? I guess i have never really seen him sober....MIL thinks its just the alcoholism in general making him obsessive and anxious. I have never seen him like this before and it freaks me out....not hostile or such, but really amped up about a job interview and obsessively preparing etc...he is drinking/bingeing, but obsessiveness comes when he is not drinking heavy.
2) I talked to his mother.....sigh....I meant to heed the advice of many posters who told me not to share too much.....I tried not to, but I just kept going....I certainly can't complain when she will try to "fix" all this....it's my own fault.....BUT it drove me crazy when she said that she had "hope" he would get better....she inferred she wished I was more 'positive' about it this myself...and listed her family successes and things she had read. I finally asked her what she was basing her hope on? I told her I didn't have time to hope, I have to see the reality of the situation at this moment. She told me she holds close the memory of her mother's recovery at 65 .and I tried to explain that of cousre my DD will hold that memory close also, but as a spouse how am I to view these years as I grow older holding onto hope..I am 36...I told her of course I had hope because if I didn't I would be curled up on a ball crying.....
3)I started to get twisted up after talking to MIL (I felt like a drama queen) because the next day AH was better.....this always gets me....when I start to forget how sick he is.....he isn't abusive or a monster...but selfish and obnoxious at times. He was better for whatever reasons (sleep) and I began to forget and dread his mother's confronting him...because now I feel like i was overboard.....luckily I can see myself doing this but still throws me off.....
4) AH made a comment about the way my DD has been behaving towards me....like I am doing things wrong...and I admit I am confused what to do with her at times. Very spirited independent 3yr old. I try to keep her active, and I know she is frustrated because I am distracted by my drama (she is only child very used to having full attention) and saying No to me constantly and having little drama spells....sounds normal I guess for some 3 yr olds but I am terrified she is acting out because of my lack of good parenting and our drama filled weeks. She obeys him and I honestly think it is a novelty sort of thing...his full attention
5) realizing a lot of my own faults today also......hate that
sigh...just having a day I guess....this has been exhausting...just had to vent...and find an alanon meeting
1) AH has been acting somewhat manic or obsessive for several days now. Driving me nuts! I fluctuate between feeling so sad for him and annoyance. My stomach has been doing flips for days....It started when he stopped drinking and librium wore off. Is this normal? I guess i have never really seen him sober....MIL thinks its just the alcoholism in general making him obsessive and anxious. I have never seen him like this before and it freaks me out....not hostile or such, but really amped up about a job interview and obsessively preparing etc...he is drinking/bingeing, but obsessiveness comes when he is not drinking heavy.
2) I talked to his mother.....sigh....I meant to heed the advice of many posters who told me not to share too much.....I tried not to, but I just kept going....I certainly can't complain when she will try to "fix" all this....it's my own fault.....BUT it drove me crazy when she said that she had "hope" he would get better....she inferred she wished I was more 'positive' about it this myself...and listed her family successes and things she had read. I finally asked her what she was basing her hope on? I told her I didn't have time to hope, I have to see the reality of the situation at this moment. She told me she holds close the memory of her mother's recovery at 65 .and I tried to explain that of cousre my DD will hold that memory close also, but as a spouse how am I to view these years as I grow older holding onto hope..I am 36...I told her of course I had hope because if I didn't I would be curled up on a ball crying.....
3)I started to get twisted up after talking to MIL (I felt like a drama queen) because the next day AH was better.....this always gets me....when I start to forget how sick he is.....he isn't abusive or a monster...but selfish and obnoxious at times. He was better for whatever reasons (sleep) and I began to forget and dread his mother's confronting him...because now I feel like i was overboard.....luckily I can see myself doing this but still throws me off.....
4) AH made a comment about the way my DD has been behaving towards me....like I am doing things wrong...and I admit I am confused what to do with her at times. Very spirited independent 3yr old. I try to keep her active, and I know she is frustrated because I am distracted by my drama (she is only child very used to having full attention) and saying No to me constantly and having little drama spells....sounds normal I guess for some 3 yr olds but I am terrified she is acting out because of my lack of good parenting and our drama filled weeks. She obeys him and I honestly think it is a novelty sort of thing...his full attention
5) realizing a lot of my own faults today also......hate that
sigh...just having a day I guess....this has been exhausting...just had to vent...and find an alanon meeting
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