realizations.... I'm afraid
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 166
realizations.... I'm afraid
So yesterday I was distraught, today??? errrr VERY codependent....
"A" and I had a lengthy conversation last night after his rehab meeting. I talked to him about my feelings and I told him that although I love him, I will not sabotage his recovery. He interrupted me, so I gently asked him to please not interrupt (uh-oh, just now realized that that was not assertive, but very co-dependent - yikes). I was completely open and honest with him. I told him that I felt like we were "destined" but I also feared that I may be in love with the idea of him. Yet in the same breath (which totally contradicted myself) that I also thought I knew his soul (the real him).
I told him that I understood that all his energy should be focused on recovery.
He then adamently said that he did not want to break up with me and that he needed me (uh-oh, as a codependent this pleased me in a sick and twisted way) He said that he loved me and that he could not do this without me. The romantic in me just loved hearing this.
Reflecting upon this conversation today, I feel sort of...... VERY codependent. He just called me a few minutes ago and we discussed going to the movies tonight. I sort of felt like he was hesitant (even though it was his idea yesterday). I now feel clingy and desperate because he gave me hope last night and now he is teasing it away. I realize that this is sick. This is not love on my part because if it was I would just let him be and be there as a friend. I would not resort to feeling like I have to move mountains for him. I would not resort to feeling like I am on my hands and knees begging for some precious time with him.
I have to change my ways for me. But I do not know if I can do this because I have done this all my life.
My father was a alcoholic (parents hid it from me for years). I feel betrayed by the both of them. I trust no one yet when I am in a relationship I hang on for dear life (especially to the ones I have to "work at") But how can one stop this when it feels so good? I mean the pain and anxiety feel so good? How sick is that??? I guess I am sick as an alcoholic. I guess I now sort of understand the struggle of trying to give something up (anxiety, addiction to emotionally unavailable men) that is part of your core, your very being.
Thanks for reading
"A" and I had a lengthy conversation last night after his rehab meeting. I talked to him about my feelings and I told him that although I love him, I will not sabotage his recovery. He interrupted me, so I gently asked him to please not interrupt (uh-oh, just now realized that that was not assertive, but very co-dependent - yikes). I was completely open and honest with him. I told him that I felt like we were "destined" but I also feared that I may be in love with the idea of him. Yet in the same breath (which totally contradicted myself) that I also thought I knew his soul (the real him).
I told him that I understood that all his energy should be focused on recovery.
He then adamently said that he did not want to break up with me and that he needed me (uh-oh, as a codependent this pleased me in a sick and twisted way) He said that he loved me and that he could not do this without me. The romantic in me just loved hearing this.
Reflecting upon this conversation today, I feel sort of...... VERY codependent. He just called me a few minutes ago and we discussed going to the movies tonight. I sort of felt like he was hesitant (even though it was his idea yesterday). I now feel clingy and desperate because he gave me hope last night and now he is teasing it away. I realize that this is sick. This is not love on my part because if it was I would just let him be and be there as a friend. I would not resort to feeling like I have to move mountains for him. I would not resort to feeling like I am on my hands and knees begging for some precious time with him.
I have to change my ways for me. But I do not know if I can do this because I have done this all my life.
My father was a alcoholic (parents hid it from me for years). I feel betrayed by the both of them. I trust no one yet when I am in a relationship I hang on for dear life (especially to the ones I have to "work at") But how can one stop this when it feels so good? I mean the pain and anxiety feel so good? How sick is that??? I guess I am sick as an alcoholic. I guess I now sort of understand the struggle of trying to give something up (anxiety, addiction to emotionally unavailable men) that is part of your core, your very being.
Thanks for reading
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I have to change my ways for me. But I do not know if I can do this because I have done this all my life. My father was a alcoholic...
World Meeting List
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
"lengthy conversation after his rehab meeting....."
The reason you feel so unsettled and unstable is because you are having conversations with the disease.
Something happens to us, on a deep unconscious level, when we try to make connection to addiction. There are a million unconscious signals shooting off inside us, most of them about confusion, danger, desperation.
Your awareness of your vulnerability in this relationship is vital, and you are asking yourself all the right questions. Examining your part, trying to separate fantasy from reality, taking responsibility for your family history which has made you fragile and uncertain.
But there is, as you say, a part of you that is longing to believe that you see in him what others cannot ("I know his soul") and to believe that God has blessed this relationship ("destined"). This is very familiar thinking to us here, for when we are in relationship with someone who is emotionally incapable of sustaining connection, we then find ways in our mind to stay with him: soul connection and destiny. If we put the relationship up there in the realm of the heavens, then we justify, to ourselves, accepting the pain and disappointment here on earth.
I don't know that anyone here with any measurable recovery could encourage you to try to work out a relationship with someone who is still very much operating with an addict brain. I can't. He is still quite unstable and untrustworthy. He will still lie, to himself and to you. He is not ready for mature relationship right now, and the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood.
You will likely vacillate--break up or not break up--he will likely have mood swings and act out and threaten to break up then tell you he can't make it without you.
So here is the middle way: the middle way is a temporary separation for six months. A letter every now and then might be safe. But no dating him, definitely no sex, and no promises about the future. It is like a deployment: when soldiers go to war, their partners accept the necessary separation. And your abf is in a war right now, as addiction is aiming to kill him.
The reason you feel so unsettled and unstable is because you are having conversations with the disease.
Something happens to us, on a deep unconscious level, when we try to make connection to addiction. There are a million unconscious signals shooting off inside us, most of them about confusion, danger, desperation.
Your awareness of your vulnerability in this relationship is vital, and you are asking yourself all the right questions. Examining your part, trying to separate fantasy from reality, taking responsibility for your family history which has made you fragile and uncertain.
But there is, as you say, a part of you that is longing to believe that you see in him what others cannot ("I know his soul") and to believe that God has blessed this relationship ("destined"). This is very familiar thinking to us here, for when we are in relationship with someone who is emotionally incapable of sustaining connection, we then find ways in our mind to stay with him: soul connection and destiny. If we put the relationship up there in the realm of the heavens, then we justify, to ourselves, accepting the pain and disappointment here on earth.
I don't know that anyone here with any measurable recovery could encourage you to try to work out a relationship with someone who is still very much operating with an addict brain. I can't. He is still quite unstable and untrustworthy. He will still lie, to himself and to you. He is not ready for mature relationship right now, and the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood.
You will likely vacillate--break up or not break up--he will likely have mood swings and act out and threaten to break up then tell you he can't make it without you.
So here is the middle way: the middle way is a temporary separation for six months. A letter every now and then might be safe. But no dating him, definitely no sex, and no promises about the future. It is like a deployment: when soldiers go to war, their partners accept the necessary separation. And your abf is in a war right now, as addiction is aiming to kill him.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Wholeheartedly agree with EG and L2L above, so I won't add my thoughts here. Just some support. I went through the very same process...it took a long time to let go and accept what is, right now.
Stay strong!
~T
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden 
"lengthy conversation after his rehab meeting....."
The reason you feel so unsettled and unstable is because you are having conversations with the disease.
Something happens to us, on a deep unconscious level, when we try to make connection to addiction. There are a million unconscious signals shooting off inside us, most of them about confusion, danger, desperation.
Your awareness of your vulnerability in this relationship is vital, and you are asking yourself all the right questions. Examining your part, trying to separate fantasy from reality, taking responsibility for your family history which has made you fragile and uncertain.
But there is, as you say, a part of you that is longing to believe that you see in him what others cannot ("I know his soul") and to believe that God has blessed this relationship ("destined"). This is very familiar thinking to us here, for when we are in relationship with someone who is emotionally incapable of sustaining connection, we then find ways in our mind to stay with him: soul connection and destiny. If we put the relationship up there in the realm of the heavens, then we justify, to ourselves, accepting the pain and disappointment here on earth.
I don't know that anyone here with any measurable recovery could encourage you to try to work out a relationship with someone who is still very much operating with an addict brain. I can't. He is still quite unstable and untrustworthy. He will still lie, to himself and to you. He is not ready for mature relationship right now, and the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood.
You will likely vacillate--break up or not break up--he will likely have mood swings and act out and threaten to break up then tell you he can't make it without you.
So here is the middle way: the middle way is a temporary separation for six months. A letter every now and then might be safe. But no dating him, definitely no sex, and no promises about the future. It is like a deployment: when soldiers go to war, their partners accept the necessary separation. And your abf is in a war right now, as addiction is aiming to kill him.
The reason you feel so unsettled and unstable is because you are having conversations with the disease.
Something happens to us, on a deep unconscious level, when we try to make connection to addiction. There are a million unconscious signals shooting off inside us, most of them about confusion, danger, desperation.
Your awareness of your vulnerability in this relationship is vital, and you are asking yourself all the right questions. Examining your part, trying to separate fantasy from reality, taking responsibility for your family history which has made you fragile and uncertain.
But there is, as you say, a part of you that is longing to believe that you see in him what others cannot ("I know his soul") and to believe that God has blessed this relationship ("destined"). This is very familiar thinking to us here, for when we are in relationship with someone who is emotionally incapable of sustaining connection, we then find ways in our mind to stay with him: soul connection and destiny. If we put the relationship up there in the realm of the heavens, then we justify, to ourselves, accepting the pain and disappointment here on earth.
I don't know that anyone here with any measurable recovery could encourage you to try to work out a relationship with someone who is still very much operating with an addict brain. I can't. He is still quite unstable and untrustworthy. He will still lie, to himself and to you. He is not ready for mature relationship right now, and the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood.
You will likely vacillate--break up or not break up--he will likely have mood swings and act out and threaten to break up then tell you he can't make it without you.
So here is the middle way: the middle way is a temporary separation for six months. A letter every now and then might be safe. But no dating him, definitely no sex, and no promises about the future. It is like a deployment: when soldiers go to war, their partners accept the necessary separation. And your abf is in a war right now, as addiction is aiming to kill him.
I wanted you to know that your post has been echoing in my brain.
This....
" the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood. "
has happened.
I am physically sick about it. I was not ready for this and I can't do this. I have been in counseling for years. I have talked and talked and talked about my past for years.... thought I was over it. Sh** my dad has been sober for several years and our relationship gets stronger by the day. But "it" is back and it has increased 10 fold. I feel like I have to start all over again. All the heartache, all the pain.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden
"lengthy conversation after his rehab meeting....."
The reason you feel so unsettled and unstable is because you are having conversations with the disease.
Something happens to us, on a deep unconscious level, when we try to make connection to addiction. There are a million unconscious signals shooting off inside us, most of them about confusion, danger, desperation.
Your awareness of your vulnerability in this relationship is vital, and you are asking yourself all the right questions. Examining your part, trying to separate fantasy from reality, taking responsibility for your family history which has made you fragile and uncertain.
But there is, as you say, a part of you that is longing to believe that you see in him what others cannot ("I know his soul") and to believe that God has blessed this relationship ("destined"). This is very familiar thinking to us here, for when we are in relationship with someone who is emotionally incapable of sustaining connection, we then find ways in our mind to stay with him: soul connection and destiny. If we put the relationship up there in the realm of the heavens, then we justify, to ourselves, accepting the pain and disappointment here on earth.
I don't know that anyone here with any measurable recovery could encourage you to try to work out a relationship with someone who is still very much operating with an addict brain. I can't. He is still quite unstable and untrustworthy. He will still lie, to himself and to you. He is not ready for mature relationship right now, and the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood.
You will likely vacillate--break up or not break up--he will likely have mood swings and act out and threaten to break up then tell you he can't make it without you.
So here is the middle way: the middle way is a temporary separation for six months. A letter every now and then might be safe. But no dating him, definitely no sex, and no promises about the future. It is like a deployment: when soldiers go to war, their partners accept the necessary separation. And your abf is in a war right now, as addiction is aiming to kill him.
The reason you feel so unsettled and unstable is because you are having conversations with the disease.
Something happens to us, on a deep unconscious level, when we try to make connection to addiction. There are a million unconscious signals shooting off inside us, most of them about confusion, danger, desperation.
Your awareness of your vulnerability in this relationship is vital, and you are asking yourself all the right questions. Examining your part, trying to separate fantasy from reality, taking responsibility for your family history which has made you fragile and uncertain.
But there is, as you say, a part of you that is longing to believe that you see in him what others cannot ("I know his soul") and to believe that God has blessed this relationship ("destined"). This is very familiar thinking to us here, for when we are in relationship with someone who is emotionally incapable of sustaining connection, we then find ways in our mind to stay with him: soul connection and destiny. If we put the relationship up there in the realm of the heavens, then we justify, to ourselves, accepting the pain and disappointment here on earth.
I don't know that anyone here with any measurable recovery could encourage you to try to work out a relationship with someone who is still very much operating with an addict brain. I can't. He is still quite unstable and untrustworthy. He will still lie, to himself and to you. He is not ready for mature relationship right now, and the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood.
You will likely vacillate--break up or not break up--he will likely have mood swings and act out and threaten to break up then tell you he can't make it without you.
So here is the middle way: the middle way is a temporary separation for six months. A letter every now and then might be safe. But no dating him, definitely no sex, and no promises about the future. It is like a deployment: when soldiers go to war, their partners accept the necessary separation. And your abf is in a war right now, as addiction is aiming to kill him.
You reply with class, respect and so much insight. Each of your posts helps me to think.
So thank you for this one and others you have shared.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by rdlesstraveled
English Garden,
I wanted you to know that your post has been echoing in my brain.
This....
" the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood. "
has happened.
I am physically sick about it. I was not ready for this and I can't do this. I have been in counseling for years. I have talked and talked and talked about my past for years.... thought I was over it. Sh** my dad has been sober for several years and our relationship gets stronger by the day. But "it" is back and it has increased 10 fold. I feel like I have to start all over again. All the heartache, all the pain.....
I wanted you to know that your post has been echoing in my brain.
This....
" the inner chaos he is going to experience over the coming year is going to explode all over you, dear, and awaken all those deep wounds of betrayal and abandonment related to your childhood. "
has happened.
I am physically sick about it. I was not ready for this and I can't do this. I have been in counseling for years. I have talked and talked and talked about my past for years.... thought I was over it. Sh** my dad has been sober for several years and our relationship gets stronger by the day. But "it" is back and it has increased 10 fold. I feel like I have to start all over again. All the heartache, all the pain.....
I've been in and out of therapy a few times due to anxiety and some depression. Therapy never really was my end all because of all the talking about my past.....ugh, got old for me.
I start Mindful Meditation with a therapist next week. She does not use analysis or talking about the past in her program, but working on today, the now and being mindful of our feelings and learning to take actions using our inner guide.
I was told about her by a woman in my Al Anon group who has seen her for for a while and she has made huge progress.
The reason I would cling to every bad relationship I had was for that same yucky feeling of starting over all over again. It's overwhelming.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 166
Summerpeach,
Ironically I attended a mindful meditation meeting yesterday. Every single time "A" would enter my head, I made a conscious effort to place my pain on an imaginary shelf (a little bit above my head, out of reach) for god because I can no longer deal with it. I hope that this isn't considered avoidance.
I don't know Summerpeach, I have read and prayed and talked and gotten online and posted and prayed some more and I just have no idea what to do. I feel like there is not a solution to the pain. Is my brain more messed up than I thought? Do I think too much? Am I just a glutton for punishment?
I just do not understand how to get over this. Is fighting "it" not the best way? Acceptance? Avoidance? Run away? Say f*** it?
I feel like a child trapped in this 35 year old body. How can I not know the answers? I am a frickin' adult! I do not understand why this is so hard?
I am sorry for the rant, I hope that I am not spewing toxic emotions out all over the board.
Ironically I attended a mindful meditation meeting yesterday. Every single time "A" would enter my head, I made a conscious effort to place my pain on an imaginary shelf (a little bit above my head, out of reach) for god because I can no longer deal with it. I hope that this isn't considered avoidance.
I don't know Summerpeach, I have read and prayed and talked and gotten online and posted and prayed some more and I just have no idea what to do. I feel like there is not a solution to the pain. Is my brain more messed up than I thought? Do I think too much? Am I just a glutton for punishment?
I just do not understand how to get over this. Is fighting "it" not the best way? Acceptance? Avoidance? Run away? Say f*** it?
I feel like a child trapped in this 35 year old body. How can I not know the answers? I am a frickin' adult! I do not understand why this is so hard?
I am sorry for the rant, I hope that I am not spewing toxic emotions out all over the board.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
But how can one stop this when it feels so good? I mean the pain and anxiety feel so good? How sick is that??? I guess I am sick as an alcoholic. I guess I now sort of understand the struggle of trying to give something up (anxiety, addiction to emotionally unavailable men) that is part of your core, your very being.
Awareness is the first step in change.
For me, the tricky part is not beating myself up with my new awareness, not ridiculing myself for being human, for being what I am. It's taken years to be able to observe myself, observe my own realizations and emotions without judgement. It's still hit or miss but I make my way back every time.
How do I stop it when it feels so good?
It stops feeling good. Pain and anxiety no longer are the norm for me, but only because I've been able to work the program: understand and accept how powerless I am over alcohol, detach emotionally, do the very scary act of focusing on myself.
Good luck to you. Give yourself plenty of time and make being kind to yourself your number one priority!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by rdlesstraveled
Summerpeach,
Ironically I attended a mindful meditation meeting yesterday. Every single time "A" would enter my head, I made a conscious effort to place my pain on an imaginary shelf (a little bit above my head, out of reach) for god because I can no longer deal with it. I hope that this isn't considered avoidance.
I don't know Summerpeach, I have read and prayed and talked and gotten online and posted and prayed some more and I just have no idea what to do. I feel like there is not a solution to the pain. Is my brain more messed up than I thought? Do I think too much? Am I just a glutton for punishment?
I just do not understand how to get over this. Is fighting "it" not the best way? Acceptance? Avoidance? Run away? Say f*** it?
I feel like a child trapped in this 35 year old body. How can I not know the answers? I am a frickin' adult! I do not understand why this is so hard?
I am sorry for the rant, I hope that I am not spewing toxic emotions out all over the board.
Ironically I attended a mindful meditation meeting yesterday. Every single time "A" would enter my head, I made a conscious effort to place my pain on an imaginary shelf (a little bit above my head, out of reach) for god because I can no longer deal with it. I hope that this isn't considered avoidance.
I don't know Summerpeach, I have read and prayed and talked and gotten online and posted and prayed some more and I just have no idea what to do. I feel like there is not a solution to the pain. Is my brain more messed up than I thought? Do I think too much? Am I just a glutton for punishment?
I just do not understand how to get over this. Is fighting "it" not the best way? Acceptance? Avoidance? Run away? Say f*** it?
I feel like a child trapped in this 35 year old body. How can I not know the answers? I am a frickin' adult! I do not understand why this is so hard?
I am sorry for the rant, I hope that I am not spewing toxic emotions out all over the board.
Will you return to continue the mindful meditation? I'm looking forward to it
Like you, I've ran the gamut of ways I am suppose to feel better.
Maybe just feeling the pain is the only way and accepting what is, but I struggle with accepting. That is my need for control and if I can control it, I will not be overwhelmed with sadness.
The sadness for me if the kicker. I can handle anger and pain, but sadness, boy that is a tough one.
I wish I had more answers, but I am looking for the same answers as you are. This is why I hope the meditations helps.
hug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 166
Per the mindful meditation, yes, I will go back. Even though I feel like I have tried everything, I will continue to try. I am meeting with my therapist in less than three hours and I will go to an Al-Anon meeting tonight and another tomorrow and another the next day if I have to.
I am determined to walk through this, this time. I just don't know how. But I do know that if I give up, this will continue to follow me.
The pain right now is tremendous, and I worry that as soon as "A" gets himself together and contacts me, this will repeat ad nauseum. But I guess what won't repeat is my reactions if I get help. If I just sit back and do nothing, I do nothing and repeat the same behaviors (which would not be beneficial for either of us). But I guess by trying all these numerous tactics, I will heal and I will grow. Maybe I am growing now and I don't even realize it.
With this pain, all these other issues emerge which only compound the pain (questions about God, soulmates, etc)
I will not run from this pain, I will not run from this pain. But I will walk through it.
I am determined to walk through this, this time. I just don't know how. But I do know that if I give up, this will continue to follow me.
The pain right now is tremendous, and I worry that as soon as "A" gets himself together and contacts me, this will repeat ad nauseum. But I guess what won't repeat is my reactions if I get help. If I just sit back and do nothing, I do nothing and repeat the same behaviors (which would not be beneficial for either of us). But I guess by trying all these numerous tactics, I will heal and I will grow. Maybe I am growing now and I don't even realize it.
With this pain, all these other issues emerge which only compound the pain (questions about God, soulmates, etc)
I will not run from this pain, I will not run from this pain. But I will walk through it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Growth is a slow process, like planting a seed and watching it grow a little each day.
We cannot plant the seed and have tomatoes the next day. We need to water and get sun to the seed and I guess, al anon and therapy and all the rest are the water and the sun
My progress is slow as well and I've been in Al anon 3 yrs, but I still seem to be stuck in the madness. But even so, I am strong now to leave a bad situation (just ended a friendship with an addict friend) and didn't contact or try to remain in my last ex's life, even though he really wanted to stay friends. Both ex's wanted to stay friends and for both, I said no and never went back to them
My issue is, why do I date someone I know is bad for me......but now after this last bad relationship, I know I will be way more cautious next time
For me, it's my fear of loneliness (though I have lived alone 12 yrs and have many friends), my need to love and be loved (a natural God given feeling) and my need to think I can fix all the broken people.
I'm done with the broken people now
So like you, I am stumped on why I am only making slow progress and still feel this pain.
We cannot plant the seed and have tomatoes the next day. We need to water and get sun to the seed and I guess, al anon and therapy and all the rest are the water and the sun
My progress is slow as well and I've been in Al anon 3 yrs, but I still seem to be stuck in the madness. But even so, I am strong now to leave a bad situation (just ended a friendship with an addict friend) and didn't contact or try to remain in my last ex's life, even though he really wanted to stay friends. Both ex's wanted to stay friends and for both, I said no and never went back to them
My issue is, why do I date someone I know is bad for me......but now after this last bad relationship, I know I will be way more cautious next time
For me, it's my fear of loneliness (though I have lived alone 12 yrs and have many friends), my need to love and be loved (a natural God given feeling) and my need to think I can fix all the broken people.
I'm done with the broken people now
So like you, I am stumped on why I am only making slow progress and still feel this pain.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: crazytown
Posts: 12
I am feeling so much of the same pain, sadness, anxiety over my relatonship with ABF. He has been sober for 7 months but seems to come up with something new from therapy daily. Its like he thinks he has to be addicted to something, if not pills-alcohol, if not alcohol-sex, if not sex-me.....is it ok or normal for them to be made to feel like every emotion or pleasure is an addiction? I don't know how to deal with this....it's making me crazy. Help!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I will not run from this pain, I will not run from this pain. But I will walk through it.
Beth
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
