Bluebonnet1

Well, it's been a week since xabf's accident and DWI charges. He goes to court tomorrow. I put my house on the market Tuesday and have already had two showings. I also heard back from a potential employer that would mean moving two states away. I'm fine if it doesn't work out and I have to keep my current job. I really think I could learn to like it better now that the stress and chaos of my home life is over. But I'm scared about whether or not the house will sell before I hear about the job, and about starting over in a new city where I don't know ANYONE. I'm scared because I'm waiting on test results for a thyroid issue, which I know will be fine, but it's just another burden to bear for the moment. And I'm scared to go through all of this alone, even though I know I'm really not alone.

XABF isn't making things any easier. He calls and texts non-stop, and I'm afraid to block his number because I can't have him show up drunk if potential buyers are here looking at the house!!! He swears he's going to meetings, stopped drinking (even though I'm pretty certain he was drunk when he called Tuesday), and that he can't do this without me. Tonight is the first night I haven't kept myself busy, and the loneliness and guilt are weighing heavy on my mind. I know he got himself into this, he has to get himself out. I know that God has bigger plans in store for me. I know that this moment, this evening, will pass, and all the tears I've shed are just part of the grieving process. I'm mourning a relationship that will never come to fruition. I'm mourning not only my relationship with him, but with his 6 yo daughter.

I've been surfing the boards and of course find comforting words and stories to relate to, but I guess I needed to share how I was feeling at this moment so I can get it off my chest.

lillamy

Have no fear. Things will fall into place. They just have a way of doing that.

When I left, I was terrified. I knew I could support myself and the kids, even without AXH paying child support (which was a dman good thing, in retrospect). But I had nothing other than the clothes on our backs.

Things just fell into place.

I found an adorable apartment located where we could (in theory) all walk to schools & job. People came out of the woodwork and furnished it for me with stuff they were waiting to donate to Goodwill. The day I opened the first bill from the power company and was in shock at a deposit fee of $125 that I hadn't budgeted for, I also got a check from a medical office that I had visited four months earlier (the insurance had finally come through) -- of $128.50. I had enough left over to splurge on ice cream!

You will mourn and you will grieve and it's necessary. But trust the universe. Trust your HP. Trust yourself on your new path.

mmk11

I really like this and I'm glad you shared your story. Really is something I needed to read today.

Looking4ward

Somebody once told me that fear is the universe's way of signalling that your life is opening up.
Try to think of it as excitement instead, and trust yourself!
:ghug3

Learn2Live

I have some questions and some feedback for you:

Um, is this too much information for you to know? These are details of HIS life. Why do you know them? Is it because it was your car? Are you invested in the outcome, other than what is happening with your car?

Bluebonnet, take things slowly. Don't make any rash decisions. Talk your options out with trusted advisors. Check out your local real estate market and see how it is performing. Don't sell just to get away from memories because with time, memories fade. And especially with AGE, memories fade Things will get better, the hurt will subside, the things that you remember now that are hurting you will not hurt you a few months from now. A piece of real estate is a financial investment. NEVER make financial decisions based on emotion. NEVER. If you get an offer, weigh it well. Don't take a loss just because you want to get rid of the hurt.

Try to stay in the Present Moment. Practice bringing yourself back to the present moment. Learn about mindfulness practices. You can do this. You are capable. Look at how well you take care of things and take care of other people. If you can take care of yourself + another person, don't you think you can take care of yourself? You will be stronger soon. I promise.

This is just an excuse for you to not do what you need to do to take care of and protect yourself. Learn about boundaries and start building them. Alcoholics and addicts will cross your boundaries and continue to cross your boundaries, if you let them. You must protect yourself.

This is too much information. This is Manipulation. HIS recovery is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Anytime an alcoholic or addict starts telling me about HIS recovery, I KNOW it is a manipulation. You need to stop having these conversations with him. This is Enmeshment. He CAN do this without you. Without you, without anyone, is the ONLY way they CAN do it.

What does this tell you? You need to get busy and STAY busy. You need to constantly be aware of whether or not you are:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Are you going to Al-Anon meetings? Have you gotten a sponsor? Why not?

Tuffgirl

I love it when this stuff happens - and I love that I am aware enough of the Universe and how it works to appreciate these moments when they do happen.

Stay strong...have faith in the bigger picture.
~T

GettingBy

My life played out exactly like lillamy wrote. I asked for help... Sent out my prayers, let go and had faith. And it was AMAZING how everything seemed to fall together perfectly. I too was afraid of what was going to happen with the house, the job... Etc.

Everything worked out beautifully... According to gods plan... Not mine.

Trust and have faith! All WILL be okay!!