Learn2Live

I was looking for information about how children are affected by alcoholism and addiction today, and I came across this description of life in a family with alcoholism. I could not believe how well it described what living with A&AXBF has been like. Here it is:

In families where alcohol or other drugs are being abused, behavior is frequently unpredictable and communication is unclear. Family life is characterized by chaos and unpredictability. Behavior can range from loving to withdrawn to crazy. Structure and rules may be either nonexistent or inconsistent... Children can feel confused and insecure.

Bluebonnet1

I remember sitting at the dinner table one night and xabf was trying to get his daughter to tell me about getting in trouble earlier that day (because apparently I came home and was being too nice to her). When she tried to say what happened, he yelled "bull****" at HER, across the table. She's 6. Of course she was trying to make it sound like an "accident" instead of something she did wrong, but she never wanted to disappoint me. For a while there, I was her only ally. Later, he claimed not to have remembered saying it, and then I think he changed his story to say that he was just saying it out loud. Yeah, talk about unpredictable and unclear. Thanks to an A dad and a mom who only wants her part time, the poor thing is in for serious self-esteem issues

Learn2Live

Jeez, 6 years old?! That is horrible.

Bluebonnet1

Yeah, I've been fooling myself into thinking that he hid it from her pretty well. His binges were typically on the nights where she was with her mom. But that was only Wed and Fri, and I can tell you without a doubt that he drank more than twice a week. I usually knew if he'd been drinking when he was passed out and she would tell me "daddy fell asleep and I can't wake him up". Thank goodness there was never an emergency! He even took her to a bar one time, since the little arcade he was taking her to next door was closed. Innocent thing thought all he'd had to drink was a big coke. Little did she know his drink of choice was bourbon and coke. I feel for her, but she's with her mom for now, and probably thinks I abandoned them, like the last girlfriend did. I try to tell myself she'd have a lot to sort through either way, but I can't help feeling bad about the fact that I was one little normal thing in her life that is now gone.

I know you were posting this more for how it relates, young or old, but I think sharing this out loud helps me to realize that the chaos was going on far too long, and that I should be grateful to God that I had the strength to walk away.

jessiec

My heart goes out to children and the sober parents of children living with an active A.

I am in my 30s, confident, strong, educated, successful, secure ... And two years with an A had me, at times, feeling so small, lowly, undesirable, meek, unloveable, pathetic, weak and desperate. If that could happen to me, I can't imagine how damaging it must be for an impressionable, helpless child.

NYCDoglvr

I can't imagine a worse situation for a child to be in. Most alcoholics come from families where one of the parents was an alcoholic.