WorkInProgress8

Woke up not feeling so great, emotionally and i do NOT like days like this. I know i should just feel my emotions and let them come and go as they are but waking up crying for whatever reason is not how i like to start my day. I literally was just watching Will & Grace, thinking about the fact that my XABF has tried to call me more in the last 2 days since hes been in jail than he did in the last 2 months and started crying! WTF is wrong with me? I feel like im losing focus and my mind is getting cluttered again. I wish i was as strong on the inside as i appear on the outside : ( Im trying to be gentle with myself and going for a run but IDK what brought on this breakdown. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I feel like a pregnant woman and my hormones are going nuts. Up and down, up and down!

Learn2Live

The mornings have been horrible for me too. I always wake up crying or engulfed by panic and anxiety. I know it's going to get better; it's just going to take some time.

Adventure

Hi WIP

Long before I met AH I used to get occassional emotional outbursts for no reason at all!!!! And that was before I had problems!! Now tears are a regular, although becoming less frequent occurence. I either read it here, or heard it at a meeting (or maybe made it up lol) that tears are really a type of healing.

These days, I actually embrace emotional breakdowns - I had buried stuff inside for a long time, and until recently hadn't cried in many months. Sometimes there isn't a specific reason, but remember what you've been through has been so hard, and the fact that you have this renewed contact might be opening up old stuff that you didn't realise was still there. I know it's so hard, but it might just help to eventually clear your head again. You might be exhausted after it, but in the long run, it's better out than in!

Sending you lots of hugs
Adventure

Tuffgirl

I think the idea of a run is great - get some endorphins revving through your brain to help even things out.

Gratitude lists work good, too. I spanned myself out of many a funk by writing out my lists.

Hang in there! And hope you have a better day.

djayr

Some mornings I wake up in my one-bedroom apartment by myself and I think, "what the heck am I DOING?!?" and I basically just want to go back to bed or park myself on the couch and not move. I went through so much to get legally separated (my idea) and moved out, but now that I'm on my own I just feel so SAD sometimes! AW is actively drinking and I'm glad I'm not there to watch or babysit, but after months and months of this, I still feel stuck in many ways.

I just wanted to confirm that I can relate to having the "blues" sometimes. Lord have mercy.

Milly39

Sorry to hear you are having a crappy day.
I had a few of those last week myself.
Do something nice for you today....and hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day

((Hugs))

fourmaggie

SMILE....it does feel good

or

fake until you make it...

:hugs

neferkamichael

I'm wondering what's wrong with me to. July 10th will be 2 years no booze, July 11th 10 months no crack, about 30 days no cigarettes and the last thing I want to do is get out of bed. I haven't done a lot of work on my character defects, but right now I'm just paralyzed. Yae and about the BF in jail. If I was in jail I would be butkissamatic to get out. The only thing worse than jail would be to start using again.

Trilogy

Mornings can be the worst time- it seems to me it is when reality hits, like waking up to the "nightmare" of your real life. Irrevocable behavior by my progressing AH is still somewhat shocking to me and it hits, "what happened to my great life?" Hang in there, like I'm trying to do- I hear it can get better.

WorkInProgress8

im feeling a little better after my work out and getting dinner in my crockpot(i rarely have time to cook). I think my breakdown was brought on mostly by the frustration of the jail situation. I shouldnt care why my XABF is there, yet i call the bondsman to see what his charges are. I shouldnt care when hes being released, yet i sign on to our county's inmate roster everyday to see if he's still on it. &Lastly i shouldnt care if he trys to call me collect(i dont answer) yet i wonder if hes going to and im pissed that NOW hes trying to contact me while hes in jail but didnt attempt to do so in the 2 months prior to his arrest. Its all so up & down and i cant wait for the day when i actually just dont give a sh!t at all. Its day by day i know but like ive said on here before, i guess i havent made as much progress emotionally as i thought i had.

" If I was in jail I would be butkissamatic to get out. " <-- What does this mean Nefer?

Bluebonnet1

Sorry you are having a rough day. I got home tonight and felt SO alone for the first time since XABF moved out. I've been keeping myself busy, visiting friends, going to Al-Anon. I think this is one of the first nights where I didn't have plans, so the reality has hit that the house is empty. I know EXACTLY what you are going through with the jail scenario. When xabf was there Friday, I refused to answer, but still kept going online to check on the situation. Just because you know it's a toxic relationship doesn't mean you don't still care. Hang in there, and you know you can get support here! I came straight to the boards after my mini-breakdown, and see? I wasn't the only one having a rough day. At least it's almost the weekend. Make some fun plans!