New Hopes... But Still Scared.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: North Richland Hills, Texas
Posts: 36
New Hopes... But Still Scared.
Hello, New here. My name is Jen. My 21 year old daughter is finally in rehab for drugs.. mostly opiates and benzo's, But she had been using MJ and Alcohol since she was 14 as well... the problem drugs were pills though..The ones that caused her to have blackouts and legal problems and become so disorganized and get off path of her life.. She has lost her job, had to drop out of school been arrested 6 times since last September and broken one foot, had an accidental OD and many more other painful experiences since last September, including an 11 month relationship with the most vile, manipulating and controlling degenerate I have ever known. He hurt her physically and mentally and played emotional blackmail games with her...(Telling her that if she went to rehab/got a job/had friends,that he would leave her...)
She comes home on Sunday. We are excited to get her home again, but scared that this (her being in rehab for the 1st time) is going to be the easy part and that the hard part actually starts when she gets home.
I know she sounded amazing today when I talked to her.. I could hear her so Happy.. its been a long long time since I heard that kind of positive side to her.
Our household is relatively alcohol free ( I might drink a beer two or three times a year) and definitely drug free. So I know that our home is just as good as sober living.
I worry about the "old friends" she has denounced all of them including the looser boyfriend.. she knows he was manipulative and controlling.. this is a huge step for her. But I am afraid lonely might cause her to call upon some of the old friends.
I worry that I wont immediately recognize any signs of relapse or even just a slip.
I am supposed to draw up a family contract before she is discharged, but cannot find a good sample one online. The one her counselor gave me is not very helpful. I also wonder how much of it needs to be completely discussed with her.. so that she has more "Buy" into it. Maybe have a high level one for her for the discharge.. then a much more in-depth one that we all work on when she comes home.
I am extremely proud of her for finally asking for help.
I know know I need to help fix me now.. I still have lots of pain from all of the lies and deception and the angst of seeing my daughter slowly kill herself.
I just thought I would introduce myself and my story.. before I started posting. I am excited to find this forum. I am glad there is a community that I can talk about all that is going on in my head. I know it is not a substitute for Nar-anon meetings, but I know this place will help me too..
She comes home on Sunday. We are excited to get her home again, but scared that this (her being in rehab for the 1st time) is going to be the easy part and that the hard part actually starts when she gets home.
I know she sounded amazing today when I talked to her.. I could hear her so Happy.. its been a long long time since I heard that kind of positive side to her.
Our household is relatively alcohol free ( I might drink a beer two or three times a year) and definitely drug free. So I know that our home is just as good as sober living.
I worry about the "old friends" she has denounced all of them including the looser boyfriend.. she knows he was manipulative and controlling.. this is a huge step for her. But I am afraid lonely might cause her to call upon some of the old friends.
I worry that I wont immediately recognize any signs of relapse or even just a slip.
I am supposed to draw up a family contract before she is discharged, but cannot find a good sample one online. The one her counselor gave me is not very helpful. I also wonder how much of it needs to be completely discussed with her.. so that she has more "Buy" into it. Maybe have a high level one for her for the discharge.. then a much more in-depth one that we all work on when she comes home.
I am extremely proud of her for finally asking for help.
I know know I need to help fix me now.. I still have lots of pain from all of the lies and deception and the angst of seeing my daughter slowly kill herself.
I just thought I would introduce myself and my story.. before I started posting. I am excited to find this forum. I am glad there is a community that I can talk about all that is going on in my head. I know it is not a substitute for Nar-anon meetings, but I know this place will help me too..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome to SR 
We have many parents here and they will especially have excellent feedback for you as the days ahead unfold. It is so important to get experienced support.
I hope your daughter works a strong recovery and does well.
On the opening page are items labeled "STICKY" with many links to good reading for you.
Family recovery is so vital and it's great that you are beginning yours.
We have many parents here and they will especially have excellent feedback for you as the days ahead unfold. It is so important to get experienced support.
I hope your daughter works a strong recovery and does well.
On the opening page are items labeled "STICKY" with many links to good reading for you.
Family recovery is so vital and it's great that you are beginning yours.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
You are worried about a lot of stuff you cannot control or even influence. I second what English Garden said, and definitely get your butt to Alanon or naranon.
There are 2 things you can control that you seemed to gloss over:
If you only drink 2 or 3 times a year, stop completely to be supportive. A lot of people will disagree with me on this. Also what about meds? What meds are available in your house?
Terrible idea IMHO - this is like changing the rules in the middle of the game. Take the time to get it right up front.
There are 2 things you can control that you seemed to gloss over:
Our household is relatively alcohol free ( I might drink a beer two or three times a year) and definitely drug free.
I am supposed to draw up a family contract before she is discharged, but cannot find a good sample one online. The one her counselor gave me is not very helpful. I also wonder how much of it needs to be completely discussed with her.. so that she has more "Buy" into it. Maybe have a high level one for her for the discharge.. then a much more in-depth one that we all work on when she comes home.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome
" So I know that our home is just as good as sober living."
There is alot more to a sober living enviornment than just not having substances available. It is a safe bridge for the recovering
addict to get on their feet and learn life skills, get a job and learn how to become responsibile for themselves.
I, for one, do not think having her return to your home is a good idea.
Have you read Codependent No More? Are you attending Naranon meetings? If not,
I would suggest that you do both.
Keep reading, keep posting, it will help.
" So I know that our home is just as good as sober living."
There is alot more to a sober living enviornment than just not having substances available. It is a safe bridge for the recovering
addict to get on their feet and learn life skills, get a job and learn how to become responsibile for themselves.
I, for one, do not think having her return to your home is a good idea.
Have you read Codependent No More? Are you attending Naranon meetings? If not,
I would suggest that you do both.
Keep reading, keep posting, it will help.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Hi there
I attend Al-Anon meetings, I have a counselor, and I come here for support too. I take all the support I can get to deal with things.
Being a parent of a drug addict must be incredibly difficult. I am the child of alcoholics. So, I am on the other side of the coin. I found the best things I can do is keep my distance and take care of myself. Loving detachment is a concept that is thrown around a lot here. It has definitely helped me find inner peace. It is about taking yourself away from the crazy involved with addiction and alcoholism and still having regard for the addict or alcoholic in your life. These are just my experiences. You in turn will find your own ways of coping with the help of sharing experience, hope, and strength (ESH) through here and Al-Anon, and hopefully, you too will find a therapist. It has really helped me a lot.
I hope you find peace within and take very good care of yourself.
Love and Light,
Lily
I attend Al-Anon meetings, I have a counselor, and I come here for support too. I take all the support I can get to deal with things.
Being a parent of a drug addict must be incredibly difficult. I am the child of alcoholics. So, I am on the other side of the coin. I found the best things I can do is keep my distance and take care of myself. Loving detachment is a concept that is thrown around a lot here. It has definitely helped me find inner peace. It is about taking yourself away from the crazy involved with addiction and alcoholism and still having regard for the addict or alcoholic in your life. These are just my experiences. You in turn will find your own ways of coping with the help of sharing experience, hope, and strength (ESH) through here and Al-Anon, and hopefully, you too will find a therapist. It has really helped me a lot.
I hope you find peace within and take very good care of yourself.
Love and Light,
Lily
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