Functioning or not?
 

Would you say someone is a functioning alcoholic if they are 45, not working and hasn't in months or longer (not sure how long as they may be lying), and is likely being funded by their 80 year old parents to the tune of 2000 dollars a month to live where they do and help pay for their bills.

I don't know how much she drinks, but I know she does.

Also her house the last time I saw it was very unorganized and some might say trashed or close to it.

It doesn't matter what label I attach to it, does it?

I still didn't Cause it
I still can't Control it
I still won't Cure it

How is your personal recovery going? Have you started attending Alanon and/or counseling?

No. I know. Just curious

Just wondering difference in functioning versus non functioning

We probably all have our own interpretations, but in my opinion my AH is a somewhat functioning A. He manages to hold down a job, earns reasonable money plus significant amounts of overtime, makes his car payment, mobile phone payment, has plenty of money to give me towards household bills & mortgage, and plenty of money to fund how he chooses to live his life. Therefore, a lot of people wouldn't be aware of his issues as he appears to be living a relatively normal life to many.

Obviously I know the truth that in fact he is not functioning as a real human being at all, in that he has no life, no friends, has alienated everyone that cares about him, doesn't play sports or exercise, and pretty much just drinks when he's not working....

Doesn't sound to me like the person you are referring to is a functioning alcoholic, but probably don't have enough info about them......

No such thing as a "functional" alcoholic. The term is an oxymoron.

When that term is used, it's usually associated with financial responsibility. As if that's the only thing human beings need to do in order to be viewed as "functional."

Think of all the aspects of humanity for a minute - physical health, emotional health, relationships, morality, social awareness...

Truth is, for most A's (including this one), they stop functioning as human beings long before the financial responsibilities are cast aside. That's usually the last thing to end, because an A needs money to 1) have a place to drink, and 2) to buy more alcohol. Financial responsibility is the one thing the A needs to support their addiction.

Alcohol took away my humanity and never once affected my financial responsibilities. I fail to see how a life lived in that way can be viewed by any reasonable person as "functional."

I'm with justanothrdrunk. There is no such thing as a functioning alcoholic. This way of thinking is simply excusing the addiction and the behavior that goes along with it. It is a way for people to look at a diseased person and deny that there is anything wrong, no matter what we are seeing. We refuse to accept that there is a problem.

I am learning that I also refuse to accept there is a problem because of my own fears. I have often wanted particular people in my life for my own selfish reasons, so I refuse to see the real problem and focus instead on what needs to be "fixed" about the person. When all along, the person is very bad for me and my well-being, and will inevitably hurt me. I am not sure why I do this but am working on finding the answer and learning how to fix it.

Parasite;
An organism which lives,feeds, and takes shelter in or on another organism. A person depending entirely on another without providing something in return.

Healthy 45 year old adults provide for themselves.

Also agree with justanothrdrunk wholeheartedly. I think in a way that's what I was trying to say, but justanothrdrunk said it way better!!!

If you were not working, living off your 80yr parents dime, and living in a trashed house what would you consider your own level of functioning to be? What, on earth, would lead you to live that kind of life? What part of it, if applied to yourself, would you consider functional?

I haven't even mentioned the alcohol.

Why do we (and by we I mean 'I') make so many exceptions for alcoholics? How could I be so willing to move the line of reason?

I understand your question, I think. The term is sooo misleading, especially, to those who are not very familiar with alcoholism to begin with.
I live in a community where there are lots of people who would fit this (erroneous) label.
It seems that the general population has a vision of what an alcoholic "looks" like, and anything other than that, alcoholism goes overlooked. Even, if they are known to drink a lot.
People start to suspect when they go jobless (the big one), get a DWI, start to go downhill in appearance, get kicked out of their home, go to jail or cause a visible public disturbance while intoxicated, have to go to detox., arrested for domestic violence, etc...
I think of these people, who have not suffered the things listed above as "Alcoholics in Waiting" (my own made-up term). It is just a matter of waiting a little longer--since alcoholism is progressive unless arrested by abstainence.
Those in their INTIMATE circle are in-the-know that something is wrong very early on, of course.

dandylion.

I have to agree with this. My husband was a "functional" alcoholic, well, until he wasn't. But even "functional," the only thing functioning was that he had a job and was able to work and bring home money. We had an infant - he didn't really care for her, and when he tried to, it was often a situation where the care he was trying to provide was below par. We were married - but he was only interested in putting anything into our marriage if it benefitted him and his drinking. He wasn't meeting my basic needs because he was so wrapped up in himself. And in fact, he was usually out with friends in situations where he could drink without me seeing - and the nights he was home, he was a total jerk.

So, while I bought into the whole "he is a functional alcoholic" idea at the time, I see now what a myth it was.

I guess my friend and former coworker could have been called a "functioning" alcoholic; we knew he drank a lot (parties/weekends, etc.) but he always managed to show up for work every day--well, until the week that he didn't. His alcoholism progressed until he basically binged himself right out of a very good job that he had held for a long time. He went to rehab and was working on recovery, so our bosses were going to give him a second chance. But then they discovered that in the year leading up to his flameout, there were various duties he'd neglected and mistakes he'd made, all of which he'd somehow covered up, until they started looking further. So in the end, he wasn't very functional at all.

This is so well said. For two and a half years after not one but two counselors told me to go to Al Anon, as well as a Valley Hope eval with IOP recommendation to my husband, I ignored/denied how much alcohol was negatively impacting my marriage. I tried 18mos of marital counseling, and a whole lot of yelling, crying, pleading. My AH isnt the first guy i ignored red flags for selfish reasons.

I hope you share what you learn.

i can NOT say i was functioning very well either. i was dead inside, but i managed to mislead the masses on my problem with alcohol.

so did i have a decent level of functioning? sure, as in a GAF score? probably. my minimum level of functioning was that i could still maintain a job, take regular showers, stay in shape and have what appeared to be normal relationships with people.

looking back now, not so much. i was isolating, drinking myself stupid and just not dealing with things in a healthy manner.

This is brilliant.
Thank you for putting into words what I've always felt to be "off" about that label.

Of all the alcoholics I know, not a single one missed a single day of work because of their drinking. They may have lost families and been up to their earlobes in debt -- but they were still working, still making money. Surviving, but not living.