New to relationship with an ex-alcoholic.. help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Adrian MI
Posts: 1
New to relationship with an ex-alcoholic.. help
Hi,
I came across this forum while looking for information on how to cope with an alcoholic partner. I am in relationship with ex-alcoholic. Well, lets say ex. He spent 6 months in rehab clinic getting off alcohol and cocaine 4 years ago.
I meet him a year ago and we are in something one could call serious relationship. I love him and care about him but recently, in last few months he has days when he drinks few bottles of wine while watching TV and passes out on sofa. Sometimes when we go out he will have few drinks. He normally does not drink when we go out but sometimes (maybe once a month) he falls in this pattern for some days. Last week we had a bad fight over this since he wanted to get on his motorcycle while being very drunk. I did not let him and it was pretty bad.
He apologized and yet just tonight he had a bottle of wine and we had terrible argument. I know I should not be confronting him about it while he is drunk but I just loose it and get really angry.
I do not know how to deal with this. I know he cannot drink and should not but I do not know how to make him understand that he cannot take not even one drink. I am scared cos we are having plans for future yet I am terrified that he cannot control this terrible habit.
Anyone out there who can tell me how to deal with him and try to make it work for both?
Thanks again
I came across this forum while looking for information on how to cope with an alcoholic partner. I am in relationship with ex-alcoholic. Well, lets say ex. He spent 6 months in rehab clinic getting off alcohol and cocaine 4 years ago.
I meet him a year ago and we are in something one could call serious relationship. I love him and care about him but recently, in last few months he has days when he drinks few bottles of wine while watching TV and passes out on sofa. Sometimes when we go out he will have few drinks. He normally does not drink when we go out but sometimes (maybe once a month) he falls in this pattern for some days. Last week we had a bad fight over this since he wanted to get on his motorcycle while being very drunk. I did not let him and it was pretty bad.
He apologized and yet just tonight he had a bottle of wine and we had terrible argument. I know I should not be confronting him about it while he is drunk but I just loose it and get really angry.
I do not know how to deal with this. I know he cannot drink and should not but I do not know how to make him understand that he cannot take not even one drink. I am scared cos we are having plans for future yet I am terrified that he cannot control this terrible habit.
Anyone out there who can tell me how to deal with him and try to make it work for both?
Thanks again
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I'm sorry, but how is he an ex-alcholic? He is drinking, and he wants to drive while drinking. Alcoholism is not a habit, and I'm sorry but you can not make him do anything.
Pls read some of the stickies here or read some of the stories on the forums. There is nothing that you can do.
He is still drinking. So apparently rehab did nothing for him. If you don't want what you have now, then do not plan a future, he is only going to get worse.
Run...................
Pls read some of the stickies here or read some of the stories on the forums. There is nothing that you can do.
He is still drinking. So apparently rehab did nothing for him. If you don't want what you have now, then do not plan a future, he is only going to get worse.
Run...................
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 81
Speaking as an alcoholic, he still is one and won't change unless he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. You can support him but he wont change unless he wants to. It took me realizing what I was doing to myself and how stupid i was being that I took it in to my own hands.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
You have found a wonderful resource for information and support. I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand, and you are not alone.
When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 C's of my loved ones addiction:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
Time helped me to accept that concept. I had to allow my loved one the dignity to own his own addiction, and all of it's consquences.
As mentioned above, I also recommend reading in the sticky posts. Sticky posts are older, permanent posts that are preserved for re-reading. They are at the top of this main forum page. The stickies contain some of our stories as well as loads of wisdom.
This is one of my favorite sticky posts. It contains steps that helped me while living with active alcoholism:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
You have found a wonderful resource for information and support. I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand, and you are not alone.
When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 C's of my loved ones addiction:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
Time helped me to accept that concept. I had to allow my loved one the dignity to own his own addiction, and all of it's consquences.
As mentioned above, I also recommend reading in the sticky posts. Sticky posts are older, permanent posts that are preserved for re-reading. They are at the top of this main forum page. The stickies contain some of our stories as well as loads of wisdom.
This is one of my favorite sticky posts. It contains steps that helped me while living with active alcoholism:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
He is not an ex-alcohlic he is an active alcoholic. It is going to get worse.
There is nothing you can do to get him to quit or understand.
The only thing for you to do now is to focus on yourself. What is acceptable to you? What are your boundaries? What are you going to do to uphold your values and boundaries?
The stickies at the top of this forum were very helpful for me. The book 'Co Dependent No More' was really good. Al-anon is a support group for friends and family of alcoholics and they 'get it'. The meetings are free and you'll find a ton of support there. They are all over so I'm betting there is one near you.
And keep posting! SR is full of wisdom and support.
There is nothing you can do to get him to quit or understand.
The only thing for you to do now is to focus on yourself. What is acceptable to you? What are your boundaries? What are you going to do to uphold your values and boundaries?
The stickies at the top of this forum were very helpful for me. The book 'Co Dependent No More' was really good. Al-anon is a support group for friends and family of alcoholics and they 'get it'. The meetings are free and you'll find a ton of support there. They are all over so I'm betting there is one near you.
And keep posting! SR is full of wisdom and support.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I know he cannot drink and should not but I do not know how to make him understand that he cannot take not even one drink.
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