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Ended it, Part 3: Reinforcement

Old 07-01-2012, 07:16 AM
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Ended it, Part 3: Reinforcement

(Short recap: ended 2 year relationship with ABF this week.)

Last night at dinner with friends, a girlfriend spoke more about her separation with her RAH (while in recovery he completely withdrew from her, got a girlfriend 23 years younger and moved out with no warning and now is trying to screw her financially). It sounded like stories I've read here; it never seems to amaze me how alcoholics ' patterns - and the pain they cause - is so similar.

It was good reinforcement for me to hear this. The whole time I told myself, if ABF would just stop drinking, we wouldn't have any problems. But recovery (if he ever would have seriously worked it) would have included all kinds of challenges too. I am grateful to get this now, rather than 11 years into a relationship like my friend. (I once was married for 10 years -- about 9.5 too long; he was not an A. I don't want to waste any more precious time on relationships that prove unfulfilling!)

I am so thankful for the timing: Friday was my birthday and my moving day and I am truly able to heal, reflect and grow with a totally clean slate.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 07-01-2012, 07:20 AM
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Thank you for continuing to share.

Your experiences will be of help to others.


Love and hugs,
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Old 07-01-2012, 10:13 AM
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I thought that recovery would be the magic pill for a fulfilling relationship with my husband. It wasn't. Although he works his program steadily and habitually, he has a long way to go to be at the place of emotional maturity that would be conducive to a healthy relationship.

Often, we come here thinking alcohol is the problem. I have found more often it masks the real problems underneath.

Stay strong!
~T
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Old 07-01-2012, 10:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
Often, we come here thinking alcohol is the problem. I have found more often it masks the real problems underneath.
Absolutely! There's a whole lot of baggage in the underbelly of the Titanic!
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Old 07-01-2012, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
he has a long way to go to be at the place of emotional maturity that would be conducive to a healthy relationship.
Wow. Yep. This is my new mantra. Thanks
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Old 07-01-2012, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by ConeyIslandHigh View Post
Absolutely! There's a whole lot of baggage in the underbelly of the Titanic!
LOL I LOVE this line - I am going to use it - thanks!
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Old 07-01-2012, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by jessiec View Post
Friday was my birthday and my moving day and I am truly able to heal, reflect and grow with a totally clean slate.
:day1 jessie!!!!!!! It was my birthday on Friday and it was nice to have a drama-free celebration.

It's been a year and a bit since I got off of the crazy train with the EXABF and like others here, thought the EX's recovery was the key to our happiness.

What did happen was my recovery and growth and while it has been full of triumphs and challenges, I am so grateful to be where I am today-working, having wonderful friends and family, a snuggly, spoiled puppy, but most of all, I am grateful for the serenity and peace I have.

You're right-the timing for you was perfect, starting on your birthday, a journey forward.
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Old 07-01-2012, 11:44 AM
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LM, Happy birthday to you too! And congratulations on your amazing journey!
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