Crazy behavior: The FFA Edition.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tx
Posts: 117
Crazy behavior: The FFA Edition.
Theres a lot of talk on here about the A's crazy behavior due to alcohol abuse (id give examples but i dont want a 3page long thread) but not as many descriptions,that ive seen, of some of our crazy behavior as FFA. SO i wondered what are some of the crazy things you have all done,as a reaction to your A's behavior. I know some may not want to share, because sometimes it is hard to realize how crazy the situation made us but maybe this will be like therapy for us! Ill start: Last year i went over to my XABFs "friends" house drunk as Lindsay Lohan looking for my XABF because it was his weekend with our son and i couldnt get ahold of him. I walked in uninvited (he wasnt there) and started screaming (i dont know what) in my beligerence trying to find out where he was. SO EMBARASSING!! Ive got more stories like this than anybody should but Who's next!? Share please!!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 11
My agf gets really mean when she is drinking. sometimes I can't deal with it and I'll pack up all the pets at 3 am and stay in a hotel. That seems crazy to me. And even crazier is I go back the next day when she begs me.
I also think it's pretty crazy for me to occasionally go out drinking with her. I know it will not end well, and sometimes I will get drunk with her then get mad like how she gets. And it feels so foreign to me and scary because that's not at all who I am.
I also think it's pretty crazy for me to occasionally go out drinking with her. I know it will not end well, and sometimes I will get drunk with her then get mad like how she gets. And it feels so foreign to me and scary because that's not at all who I am.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Im just as crazy sober as I was when I was drinking. I constantly question myself and my eratic moodiness. Dont really have any specific examples. Just lead a very moody life. Beginning to think that perhaps I am bi-polar or something.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: california
Posts: 103
last year after finding a case of beer outside, after he had 2 ER visits, I picked up the case and threw it across the yard and into the bushes yelling like a wild women....the beer bottles broke and I later found myself scouring the ground in the hot sun for every little speck of glass so DD wouldn't randomly find and step on...and this was a large yard......the beer in the bushes stayed there for weeks even with the landscapers walking around it......I felt like such a trashy neighbor.
So many more moments....
So many more moments....
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
* watering down his drinks whilst exAH wasn't looking (like he wouldn't notice!)
* researching online if frozen vodka could evaporate in the bottle, because exAH swore blind that he wasn't drinking and yet the levels in the bottle in the freezer kept going down.
many many more crazy things, I'm sure more will pop into my mind.
* researching online if frozen vodka could evaporate in the bottle, because exAH swore blind that he wasn't drinking and yet the levels in the bottle in the freezer kept going down.
many many more crazy things, I'm sure more will pop into my mind.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 61
I deliberately function below my ability professionally so I don't make as much money as I could- this decreases the stress of a more demanding job, which I would get no support, and decreases my resentments of my AH spending the money I make on things I don't agree with.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
when i was pregnant, i went to find him because i was depressed and scared. i went to an after hours bar and found him there with his 24 year old, 95 lb russian model girlfriend.
he had been seeing her openly in public while i was pregnant, thinking i would never come around.
i i went ballistic. on everyone there. a pregnant woman(7 months), in a bar. at 3am.
i yelled at his friends for keeping the lie. i yelled at the waif model, i yelled at him.
yep.
thats not the craziest part;
i then insisted he come home, and he did.
i was a terrible, depressed mess.
that was 8 years ago.
not there anymore. thank god
he had been seeing her openly in public while i was pregnant, thinking i would never come around.
i i went ballistic. on everyone there. a pregnant woman(7 months), in a bar. at 3am.
i yelled at his friends for keeping the lie. i yelled at the waif model, i yelled at him.
yep.
thats not the craziest part;
i then insisted he come home, and he did.
i was a terrible, depressed mess.
that was 8 years ago.
not there anymore. thank god
Lot Of Love Out There, Man.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 137
I am a little taller than the norm (6’ 5” & large boned) so I probable get away with more than I should. I took, still take, pleasure in messing with the drunks that are left in my life. I found it best to wait until they are so far gone they won’t remember anything.
1. Me, “Want some hard cider?” - Drunk, “Sure!” - He was given a glass of cider vinegar instead.
2. Drunk stumbles in and barley makes it to bed. 20 minutes later I go park the car behind the barn and never tell them. The next day I play dumb as she is frantic not being able to remember she parked it.
3. At a party and the drunks start passing out . . . with permanent marker I write on their faces and arms the dumb **** they did, “I puked on myself.” - “I broke the Nintendo.” - etc.
I know there are others . . . Yes, I can be an a$$ but it is so much fun to mess with them!
1. Me, “Want some hard cider?” - Drunk, “Sure!” - He was given a glass of cider vinegar instead.
2. Drunk stumbles in and barley makes it to bed. 20 minutes later I go park the car behind the barn and never tell them. The next day I play dumb as she is frantic not being able to remember she parked it.
3. At a party and the drunks start passing out . . . with permanent marker I write on their faces and arms the dumb **** they did, “I puked on myself.” - “I broke the Nintendo.” - etc.
I know there are others . . . Yes, I can be an a$$ but it is so much fun to mess with them!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Most of my craziness centered around searching for the empties or catching him in his fumbled attempts to hide it from me. He is a 'get drunk at home' kind of guy so I never went chasing after him or looking for him at bars, etc
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
A little background first. Donald and I married in '66. He retired from the Air Force in May of '75 and then went to work in the private sector. He was a full blown functioning alcoholic. I did not know it back then, but after finding sobriety myself, I could see that at that time I was in the beginning throes of alcoholism myself.
Now, here's what happened. Our marriage was on a downhill slide, and I suspected he was having an affair, so I hired a private detective. This particular evening, in March of '76, Donald was at another 'business meeting' and the private detective had stopped by our house to give me his report. It was confirmed Donald was having an affair, he had pictures and the name of the woman in his report.
It was late, very late that night when Donald came home 'reeking' of alcohol and I was my usually nasty self. He went to bed, I stayed up most of the night. In the morning I did my normal morning routine, got kid's lunches ready, got breakfast done, got everyone out the door, and then I went to work. I should say he had a real good clue that I was angry as I would not talk to him at all that morning. I would suspect that he thought it was again about his drinking, as we fought a lot about it.
Anyway, as I said, I went to work. I gathered every t-shirt and jockey shorts he had, took them all to our laundry room and threw them in the washing machine and washed them, through the spin cycle. Then I filled the machine with the solution I had just mixed up of starch and water and I do mean lots and lots of starch. Once they were again 'spun' dry, I took them outside, straightened each one out and hung them on the line to dry.
Then I went and got his suitcases and lots of garbage bags. I packed ALL his belongings in the garbage bags. When the underwear was thoroughly dry, and I do mean 'stiff as a board' I very carefully put them in his suitcases so they would not 'crack' closed the suitcases and put ALL the garbage bags and the suitcases outside the side door where he normally came in at night.
Then I called the a locksmith and had all the locks changed. When he came home that night the kids and I were not there and he could not get into the house. When we got home later that evening his belongings were gone. The next day my lawyer had him served with divorce papers.
That is how crazy I was at the end of our marriage. I heard about this little 'trick' from another Air Force Wife several years previously. I had done other things also. We had also had some 'physical fights.' I was totally 'crazy'. I would go 'toe to toe' with him, I was 5'7" and 128#, and he was 6'4" and 195. Insanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I got sober in June of '81 and then did my steps, while doing my 4th step I looked at my crazy behavior and 'thought' it was all from my drinking, not yet realizing about my codependency problem. It was only in late '84 when I was again doing a 4th and 5th Step, again, with my Alanon sponsor that I was able to see how all those behaviors, and fits of anger, were a mixture fueled by both my alcoholism and my codependency.
There are many more incidences, and some of them occurred twice, once in my first marriage and again in my second marriage, to a sober alcoholic, me in my own recovery, and he switched his addictions and became a gambler.
Believe me when I say that Step 2, "coming to believe I could be restored to sanity" became very important to me!
I just never want to get that way again, and thus I continue to work on ME.
Thank you for starting this thread.
Love and hugs,
Now, here's what happened. Our marriage was on a downhill slide, and I suspected he was having an affair, so I hired a private detective. This particular evening, in March of '76, Donald was at another 'business meeting' and the private detective had stopped by our house to give me his report. It was confirmed Donald was having an affair, he had pictures and the name of the woman in his report.
It was late, very late that night when Donald came home 'reeking' of alcohol and I was my usually nasty self. He went to bed, I stayed up most of the night. In the morning I did my normal morning routine, got kid's lunches ready, got breakfast done, got everyone out the door, and then I went to work. I should say he had a real good clue that I was angry as I would not talk to him at all that morning. I would suspect that he thought it was again about his drinking, as we fought a lot about it.
Anyway, as I said, I went to work. I gathered every t-shirt and jockey shorts he had, took them all to our laundry room and threw them in the washing machine and washed them, through the spin cycle. Then I filled the machine with the solution I had just mixed up of starch and water and I do mean lots and lots of starch. Once they were again 'spun' dry, I took them outside, straightened each one out and hung them on the line to dry.
Then I went and got his suitcases and lots of garbage bags. I packed ALL his belongings in the garbage bags. When the underwear was thoroughly dry, and I do mean 'stiff as a board' I very carefully put them in his suitcases so they would not 'crack' closed the suitcases and put ALL the garbage bags and the suitcases outside the side door where he normally came in at night.
Then I called the a locksmith and had all the locks changed. When he came home that night the kids and I were not there and he could not get into the house. When we got home later that evening his belongings were gone. The next day my lawyer had him served with divorce papers.
That is how crazy I was at the end of our marriage. I heard about this little 'trick' from another Air Force Wife several years previously. I had done other things also. We had also had some 'physical fights.' I was totally 'crazy'. I would go 'toe to toe' with him, I was 5'7" and 128#, and he was 6'4" and 195. Insanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I got sober in June of '81 and then did my steps, while doing my 4th step I looked at my crazy behavior and 'thought' it was all from my drinking, not yet realizing about my codependency problem. It was only in late '84 when I was again doing a 4th and 5th Step, again, with my Alanon sponsor that I was able to see how all those behaviors, and fits of anger, were a mixture fueled by both my alcoholism and my codependency.
There are many more incidences, and some of them occurred twice, once in my first marriage and again in my second marriage, to a sober alcoholic, me in my own recovery, and he switched his addictions and became a gambler.
Believe me when I say that Step 2, "coming to believe I could be restored to sanity" became very important to me!
I just never want to get that way again, and thus I continue to work on ME.
Thank you for starting this thread.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 237
Asking him before I went out with friends if he could pick me up from the station when I got back thinking that would stop him drinking as he'd know he'd have to drive (this was when he would never had drunk and driven) and then text him on my way back to say not to worry, he could go to sleep. I felt like a spoilt princess but I was trying to stop him drinking.
Analysing if the spelling mistakes in his texts his dyslexia or result of drinking.
Spending hours looking for an active holiday in the mountains of spain so we could walk all day, not lounge by pool with glass of wine, to make it easier for him to not drink.
Thinking a relapse just a week before the holiday above was because he was stressed and the holiday would help.
Googling 'slurred speech' and 'lack of sleep' to see if he was really telling the truth that he was just really tired.
Wondering if the smell if alcohol could be mouthwash...
Having the same conversation the morning after or few days after a binge, thinking this time it would sink in and things would change.
Analysing if the spelling mistakes in his texts his dyslexia or result of drinking.
Spending hours looking for an active holiday in the mountains of spain so we could walk all day, not lounge by pool with glass of wine, to make it easier for him to not drink.
Thinking a relapse just a week before the holiday above was because he was stressed and the holiday would help.
Googling 'slurred speech' and 'lack of sleep' to see if he was really telling the truth that he was just really tired.
Wondering if the smell if alcohol could be mouthwash...
Having the same conversation the morning after or few days after a binge, thinking this time it would sink in and things would change.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tx
Posts: 117
omg Buffalo i had several similiar situations like yours! Like wtf was i thinking telling him to decide if he wanted to be with me or not every time i caught him cheating?! Its ridiculous how low i sunk to keep that relationship going with my XABF! Youre welcome Laurie!! Chris LOL pranks are always fun as long as they are harmless!!! I shouldve thought to do some of those things during my relationship, hell at least i wouldve had a good laugh! Katie i have done EVERY one of those things on your list as well. It stinks to think about what we chose to put ourselves through but on the bright side at least we can acknowledge our behaviors and choose to never put ourselves through those things again. Hithere i also used to have drinks with my A. For me to partake in the activity that i hated him doing was again ridiculous.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Starting at about 11PM, leaving my house and doing a drive-by his house to see if he was home yet, or see if I could catch a glimpse of what he was doing. Then driving around the neighborhood, around and around, passing his house every couple of minutes, for an hour. Then driving home, going to bed, then getting back out of bed and doing it again. And then again. And then the same thing the next night. Not sure how long this insanity went on.
Boy, I sure have come far in 16 years. Thanks for this thread.
Boy, I sure have come far in 16 years. Thanks for this thread.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
Decling a glass of wine in the hopes he wouldn't drink. At other times drinking with him.
Not telling him my plans till last minute in the hopes he would not make other plans to drink/smoke pot with his friends.
Yelling out of my mind angry when I'd get sucked into defending myself for all the blaming and shaming my AH did to me when he'd pick fights.
Believing him that his eyes are red because he is tired, not because he is high.
Lying/insisting to the drywall guy that a ladder made the hole in the wall and it wasn't because it was punched (which my AH did).
Ignoring the stench of pot that he sneakily smokes when I'm in the shower or upstairs.
Not telling him my plans till last minute in the hopes he would not make other plans to drink/smoke pot with his friends.
Yelling out of my mind angry when I'd get sucked into defending myself for all the blaming and shaming my AH did to me when he'd pick fights.
Believing him that his eyes are red because he is tired, not because he is high.
Lying/insisting to the drywall guy that a ladder made the hole in the wall and it wasn't because it was punched (which my AH did).
Ignoring the stench of pot that he sneakily smokes when I'm in the shower or upstairs.
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