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A month of no contact

Old 06-25-2012, 04:10 PM
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A month of no contact

And I should be celebrating. I have been strong. I am enjoying my new home, it has been drama free. I had an interview today for an awesome job which I think went very well. I don't have to turn my phone off at night to stop the annoying calls and texts. He hasn't been able to play the manipulation games or call to tell me that he can't stop drinking without my help or other QUACK, QUACK story.

The last communication he sent me was the day he was served the 180 day restraining order. On that day he was also arrested for violating the temp order and the condition of the easy bond out was no further contact with me.

So what's my problem, you ask? I'm still sad, depressed. It bothers me that I don't know how he is doing. I guess I should assume that he is doing exactly the same crap he was doing before the no contact. He is doing the same thing he has been doing since I moved out over a year ago, and he is doing exactly the same things that forced me to have to move out.

My mind goes to funny places though. When he was drunk texting daily, even with his angry and abusive texts, I at least knew he was alive and ok. I am forced to admit now that there is no future. He is not going to make a real and lasting change, and even if he were to now, it is well past time for me to move on with my life, both for me and my daughter.

I still read here daily, and sometimes realize, I'm not really a friend or family of an alcoholic anymore. I am no longer his family, I am no longer his friend. My heart still breaks.

No contact was what I had to do for my own sanity and so that I can finally reclaim my life. Why am I having trouble moving on?
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Old 06-25-2012, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by XXXXXXXXXX View Post
And I should be celebrating. No contact was what I had to do for my own sanity and so that I can finally reclaim my life. Why am I having trouble moving on?
i feel you, i am trying my bestest with the NC with my xabf, last saturday morning he called me at 4am, either his high, his drunk or his insomia is acting up. i smiled when i saw the missed call when i woke up at 7 but sad at the same time realizing that i can no longer call him back.

today is my birthday, it would be nice if he calls me even if i dont pick up. knowing that he remembers is consolation enough.

hang in there, and ((((((hugs))))))) to you.
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Old 06-25-2012, 05:03 PM
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It is a normal part of the process, or maybe I should say it was part of the process for me too.

It does get easier -- lots lots easier. I promise.
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Old 06-25-2012, 05:14 PM
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It will get better as time passes, I promise. Lord knows I have done it way too many times myself. Have you investigated why you got involved with an alcoholic in the first place? You may have some underlying issues you may want to address so that you can choose and/or relate to others better in the future. At least that is what I try to focus on each time I leave another relationship. You may not have moved on yet simply because you are not READY to move on. When the time comes, you will know and your heart will be freed.
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Old 06-26-2012, 09:47 AM
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Recovering from an abusive relationship is a process. We learn to build our own lives and to let go of people who don't care about us, who do us harm. Have you been going to Al-anon? It saved my life; in a time of pain I had people to talk with who understood and offered help. I promise this part will pass, you will get through it.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:39 AM
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Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr View Post
Recovering from an abusive relationship is a process. We learn to build our own lives and to let go of people who don't care about us, who do us harm. Have you been going to Al-anon? It saved my life; in a time of pain I had people to talk with who understood and offered help. I promise this part will pass, you will get through it.
Alanon meets twice weekly in my town, once during the day when I am at work his mOm goes to the nightly one. The times I went I felt like I was invading her space and felt I couldn't really share. I love his mom, but it made for some weird group dynamics as when I spend time with her for dinner or coffee the rule is we don't talk about him.

So I read here. I read books an alanon literature, and I pray and try to focus on myself and my daughter, my hOme and career.
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