Boundaries

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07-03-2012, 07:06 AM

# 41 (permalink)

Linkmeister

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Join Date: Jan 2009

Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....

Posts: 545

Quote:

Originally Posted by Learn2Live

Yes, Bluebonnet, I know what you mean. AXBF has stated he wants to be "friends." Seriously?? You live in my house for 2 and a half years and then all of a sudden just don't come home one night and then the next day tell me you are moving out? And you want to be friends? Why would anyone want to have a friend who DOES things like that??? I know that 16years ago, though, I WOULD HAVE FALLEN FOR IT! I would have been as hurt as I am now, and I would be hanging on to any little shred of evidence that he still loved me. And I would be dragged through HELL again. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. NOT GOING BACK THERE AGAIN. At least this time I have SOME boundaries that I know how to put into place to keep myself half sane.

My EXABF tried the "lets be friends" route with me and I didn't fall for it. I told him that a real friend would not treat me the way he had treated me over the years so, why bother? Then, it dawned on me-he still wanted me around as a "friend" to enable and justify his behaviour. No thanks, dude, I'll pass - I have healthy friends through Al-Anon and it's a two-way street of friendship, respect and love.

07-03-2012, 07:14 AM

# 42 (permalink)

Learn2Live

To thine own self be true.

Thread Starter

Join Date: May 2009

Location: U.S.A.

Posts: 5,924

Quote:

it dawned on me-he still wanted me around as a "friend" to enable and justify his behaviour.

Yup. Because if you remain his "friend," that means you have completely excused his bad behavior and that just strengthens his denial. I refuse to play a part in someone else's delusions and gaslighting. I KNOW I am not crazy and I KNOW what I have been doing the last 2 and a half years of my life. I KNOW how he is clean and sober, and THIS is not the same person! He went from being the sweetest, kindest, gentlest man on earth to a complete a$$hole in a matter of months. I KNOW what relapse looks like and I am NOT crazy.

Thanks for letting me share.

07-03-2012, 10:52 AM

# 43 (permalink)

fedup3

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Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 837

My xah has been begging me for over 5 months to see him but I refuse knowing I couldn't handle how he looks seeing he's in the last stages of alcoholism. He tells me "just see me and I'll show you the husband you always wanted", ugh. I will only talk to him on the phone. So I keep my boundaries of not seeing him to help me to remember him the way he was a long time ago which may not be good for him but it is good for me.