Bread in a hardware shop!
 

Had second marriage counseling session yesterday- it again was an eye opener. I listened to a lot of lies and quacking - he never realized how much his behavior hurt me- and couldn't believe it as he does not like to hurt anyone! At the end of the session it culminated in my telling him how his unreasonable demands for money were the most hurtful of all. He looked the counsellor in the eye and said I did not know about this- though I had written it in the letter he had to read aloud to his group in rehab.
When we got home, later that evening I asked him what he thought of what I said- only to get I said sorry in counselling - do you want me to say sorry every day cos it won't happen!!
So there I am trying to buy bread at the hardware store - the man is not ready to address his behaviour- no point in carrying on with marriage counselling- I should concentrate on safeguarding my future instead.
He also said that he should leave as he was making me too unhappy, and he couldn't handle the stress- next time he try's that I might just open the door for him- it would swipe the quack off his face.
Vent over, thank you- I am finally realizing that he will not change- and so the real question is how much longer I can live with him:wild

Loopy,

I know the feeling all too well. Coming to the realization that my A just isn't going to change grows daily. I find myself just completely shutting off from him. I don't even care anymore if he gets sober, I don't think it will happen anytime soon, but I wouldn't care if it happened tomorrow. He STILL treats me like a jerk and always has and so that just isn't acceptable.

I am with you on facing the real question, "How much longer can I live with him." My answer: NOT MUCH LONGER AT ALL.

I feel like I have to keep the walls up, the anger brewing and the bitterness up because to let go means I forgive him again and the cycle starts all over AGAIN. I am not willing to do it all over again. I just am not. How about you?

Chronsweet- the anger and bitterness will pass- that kept me going when he was drinking- now that he has been dry for 7 weeks I am realizing he ain't changing!! Thanks to al anon I have had to look at myself, and the anger has gone- now I am resigned to what will come! We have a very depressed 20 year old who relies on his dad and to be honest I am the only one that has a problem with him- he is ultra reasonable to everyone else

Yeah, it is crazy how my A seems like such a 'fun, loving guy' to everyone else. Well, LOL, to his mom. All of his other friends don't contact him much anymore, perhaps they got tired of always footing the bill to hang out with him, geeeeez, I wonder.

Anyhow, I have to hold onto the anger. If I let it go, I slip. I don't want to be angry and I am not angry (most of the time) towards others, just him. I simply am done being used and abused by a man. No matter if he 'should care' because I have a child with him, point is, he doesn't. And I personally am done.

I am glad you have let go of the anger. I hope to be there someday soon, but when I let go of my anger it will be with him out of the picture. I am pretty much sure my anger will all but evaporate once I am not living under the same roof as he is anymore. :)

I was so angry for 4 years that I gave myself hypertension!! That's when I knew
My madness had to stop- I can't change him just myself- so no more expectations- luckily we can still chat as long as it's not about our relationship- but I do hold in to the hope that this will pass, and I no longer see us in happy retirement! By safeguarding - new bank accounts, and make sure that me and the kids will be financially secure- that wast first boundary to him that he could not expect me to financially support him again- and on that one I will stay strong.god knows I will probably slip on a host of other things!

"So there I am trying to buy bread at the hardware store"

I just LOVE this statement!! I am going to borrow it if you don't mind.

Hang in there...you sound like you have reached a balance within yourself. You will know when you need to take action.