RELapse
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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RELapse
I am very interested in ppls / partners/ spouse etc thoughts on relapse.
After 3 months in a 1st class rehab mine relapsed twice in a week 5 months later.
Interestingly the head of Rehab said it would be a disaster if she did it within a year. I took the view that after years of putting up with her AA behaviour to do this was unforgivable. After her first drink she was back to her old abusive self.
What do ppl think.. If she hadnt had the resources to go to rehab I could stomach a slip but really it seemed a waste of everyones time.
After 3 months in a 1st class rehab mine relapsed twice in a week 5 months later.
Interestingly the head of Rehab said it would be a disaster if she did it within a year. I took the view that after years of putting up with her AA behaviour to do this was unforgivable. After her first drink she was back to her old abusive self.
What do ppl think.. If she hadnt had the resources to go to rehab I could stomach a slip but really it seemed a waste of everyones time.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
What do YOU think?
That's what really matters.
You don't need anyone's permission to say you've had enough of this ride and want to get off. You have the right to care for yourself, regardless of what your partner chooses to do with her life.
That's what really matters.
You don't need anyone's permission to say you've had enough of this ride and want to get off. You have the right to care for yourself, regardless of what your partner chooses to do with her life.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Rehab is not a fix-all. Many alcoholics do recover without going to rehab. I'm sorry you had to go through this, and be so disappointed, but the alcoholic has to truly want sobriety. Rehab provides tools and knowledge that the alcoholic can use to get and stay sober, if that's what they want to do.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Hi Webber,
Residential rehabs can be very useful as they seperate the A from their drug of choice and drinking environments an friends an hopefully provide a focused attempt to work on thier drinking and related problems.
Rehabs are just geography and being surrounded by support and possibly medical assistance with detox. My XA went to 7 rehabs over the course of 15 years and is in one now.
In his case he is a master manipulator and I NOW THINK views the rehab as a necessary component to reel in his codependents and others to a willingness to consider allowing him back into their lives. He goes to rehab when he absolutely hits the wall physically (body cannot take more alcohol) and runs out of resources (in the streets).
He is a fabulous actor and knows recovery better than many of the counselors and I wish I been able to see through the veneer before this (we have been split up for almost 5 months and he continues to violate my request to not contact me).
That is just one experience...and there are many who enter rehab that TRULY want to stop drinking and are sincere. There are others who are responding to pressures legally and from family and are going through the motions. There are people who between the extremes I have talked about.
What we have found through our collective experiences that UNLESS the A is completely dedicated and driven FROM WITHIN to do WHATEVER IT TAKES and has completely broken up with alcohol and means it the best rehabs in the world are just a waste of time.
A person who is completely sold out and makes up their mind they are not drinking again and has safely detoxed has to do whatever it takes... period. If that is rehab... great. If it is AA meetings 3 times a day... great. If it taking antabuse ...great. I could go on and on with potential recovery paths...
the heart of the problem is most alcoholics have not been able to wrap their minds around the idea of breaking up with their mistress alcohol FOREVER and unless they turn that corner it is just a matter of time until they pick up a drink.
This is what sets the stage for relapse. The drinking, detox, abstinent, relapse cycle with my A would have gone on forever if I hadn't finally worked my own recovery. Relapses for him are way of life and cotrolling his enablers and codies was a polished art form.
Hope that helps you understand a little more what may be going on deep down in the A's thought processes about stopping drinking.
Residential rehabs can be very useful as they seperate the A from their drug of choice and drinking environments an friends an hopefully provide a focused attempt to work on thier drinking and related problems.
Rehabs are just geography and being surrounded by support and possibly medical assistance with detox. My XA went to 7 rehabs over the course of 15 years and is in one now.
In his case he is a master manipulator and I NOW THINK views the rehab as a necessary component to reel in his codependents and others to a willingness to consider allowing him back into their lives. He goes to rehab when he absolutely hits the wall physically (body cannot take more alcohol) and runs out of resources (in the streets).
He is a fabulous actor and knows recovery better than many of the counselors and I wish I been able to see through the veneer before this (we have been split up for almost 5 months and he continues to violate my request to not contact me).
That is just one experience...and there are many who enter rehab that TRULY want to stop drinking and are sincere. There are others who are responding to pressures legally and from family and are going through the motions. There are people who between the extremes I have talked about.
What we have found through our collective experiences that UNLESS the A is completely dedicated and driven FROM WITHIN to do WHATEVER IT TAKES and has completely broken up with alcohol and means it the best rehabs in the world are just a waste of time.
A person who is completely sold out and makes up their mind they are not drinking again and has safely detoxed has to do whatever it takes... period. If that is rehab... great. If it is AA meetings 3 times a day... great. If it taking antabuse ...great. I could go on and on with potential recovery paths...
the heart of the problem is most alcoholics have not been able to wrap their minds around the idea of breaking up with their mistress alcohol FOREVER and unless they turn that corner it is just a matter of time until they pick up a drink.
This is what sets the stage for relapse. The drinking, detox, abstinent, relapse cycle with my A would have gone on forever if I hadn't finally worked my own recovery. Relapses for him are way of life and cotrolling his enablers and codies was a polished art form.
Hope that helps you understand a little more what may be going on deep down in the A's thought processes about stopping drinking.
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