Workin

Putting this out there for any/all who have experience and can provide some guidance.

My daughter is in the custody of her father and as of a week or so ago, will likely remain there for the rest of her childhood (she is now 10). This morning I had a teleconf with the former GAL in our case - it was so bad several years ago that I requested and received one for her - and my atty. The GAL said her father is obstructionist and malicious, and... he will never get better (no surprise there), and... the best place for her to be, ideally, is with me, and... she chooses to stay with him because she knows I will always work at a relationship with her, and... she knows that if she leaves him, he will lose interest and she will lose the relationship with him, and... she is worried about her little sisters well-being (what child should be allowed to and supported in feeling the burden of caring for younger siblings when there is an alternative?!?) so chooses to stay for their sake, and... none of this is enough to change the court's mind, with which my atty agrees.

A bit of background on her dad: he has both Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (wish I'd known that before I married him. Narcissism is a beast in that regard.). His wife, remarried in 2007, also has NPD. I am already starting to see ACoA traits in my daughter, some of which you see mentioned above.

My question: what can I do as a parent, largely in name only, to help minimize the effects of her situation? It is heart-wrenching to me knowing what is already happening, seeing the effects that is having on her now and knowing where this will lead, with little I am able to do in 11.5 weeks/year spread out over the course of a year. (Recognizing that I cannot take her to therapy without his consent which, obviously, he won't give.)

Thelma

I have no advise to give. It's way out of my realm of what I'm dealing with but I hope you find answers for the health and well being of your daughter.

lillamy

I have no advice, I'm just wondering in what universe a 10-year-old gets to choose??? I have older children who have no choice -- they get to be where the court has decided they're going to be.

Workin

This has been a significant factor since the beginning with this. She is a very, very bright, articulate child which seems to make many adults - both Guardians, for instance, whom the court listens to largely above all others - forget that she is still actually just a child. That is one of the most frustrating aspects of this.