Blogs


Notices

It's not my job...

Old 06-20-2012, 11:39 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
grizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 152
It's not my job...

I was on my way home from work yesterday and was thinking about how I, being a codie, try to make sure that everything runs smooth and the waters are calm. And then it hit me, that's not my job! So it will be interesting to see what kind of list can get started of what is not our job.

Its not my job to worry about how my AW reacts or doesnt react to situations.
grizz is offline  
The Following 20 Users Say Thank You to grizz For This Useful Post:
Blossom717 (08-03-2014), Bullfrog (08-01-2014), BunnyNest (08-03-2014), Cyranoak (06-20-2012), dbh (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), dollydo (06-20-2012), firebolt (08-04-2014), Fly N Buy (08-04-2014), healthyagain (08-03-2014), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), ladyscribbler (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), m1k3 (06-21-2012), Pia (08-03-2014), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), theuncertainty (06-20-2012), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 11:54 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 46
It is not my job to alleviate the guilt others feel for treating me wrong
jayjay1882 is offline  
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to jayjay1882 For This Useful Post:
Bullfrog (08-01-2014), BunnyNest (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), desertgirl (06-21-2012), ForgetfulKevin (08-15-2014), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), lillamy (06-20-2012), Pia (08-03-2014), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 11:59 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
It's not my job to cater to my stbxabf's needs (laundry, cooking him meals, borrowing him money after he drinks his away, establishing a relationship with our son when I leave him)
chronsweet is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to chronsweet For This Useful Post:
DefofLov (06-20-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), Pia (08-03-2014), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 12:02 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
It's not my job to help my AH clean up his post-binge messes...this week alone he's asked me to find him a dog kennel, find him a place to stitch his hand that he cut while drunk, find him a motel for work, and help him order his replacement phone. I'm not his assistant anymore!
EmmyG is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to EmmyG For This Useful Post:
Bullfrog (08-01-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), desertgirl (06-21-2012), FindingJoy (06-21-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), stepsforward (06-20-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 12:34 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 205
Not my job to worry about others actions no matter who they are.
stepsforward is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to stepsforward For This Useful Post:
BunnyNest (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), FindingJoy (06-21-2012), ForgetfulKevin (08-15-2014), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 12:55 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
Its' not my job to do for others what they could (and should) do for themselves.
Tuffgirl is offline  
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to Tuffgirl For This Useful Post:
akalacha (06-20-2012), BunnyNest (08-03-2014), dbh (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), fedup3 (06-20-2012), ForgetfulKevin (08-15-2014), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), m1k3 (06-21-2012), marie1960 (06-20-2012), Melissa0067 (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 01:06 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
...to make my separated AH be a dad.
sweetteewalls is offline  
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to sweetteewalls For This Useful Post:
Bullfrog (08-01-2014), BunnyNest (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), marie1960 (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), PurpleWilder (08-02-2014), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Windmills (07-03-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 01:13 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleWilder's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 743
It's not my job to worry about his life and how it is going - I need to worry about my own.
PurpleWilder is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to PurpleWilder For This Useful Post:
BunnyNest (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), fedup3 (06-20-2012), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), MyBetterWorld (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 01:20 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
(I have a poster on my office wall that says: "Not my circus; Not my monkey"...)

It's not my job to fix AXH's broken relationship with his children.
lillamy is offline  
The Following 22 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
Bullfrog (08-01-2014), BunnyNest (08-03-2014), CeciliaV (07-05-2012), chronsweet (06-21-2012), DefofLov (06-20-2012), fedup3 (06-21-2012), firebolt (08-04-2014), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), HopefulinFLA (08-02-2014), Kiana (06-20-2012), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), m1k3 (06-21-2012), marie1960 (06-20-2012), MyBetterWorld (06-20-2012), OhBoy (06-23-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), PurpleWilder (08-02-2014), Stung (08-02-2014), theuncertainty (06-20-2012), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 01:50 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zoenob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 159
[QUOTE=lillamy;3453674](I have a poster on my office wall that says: "Not my circus; Not my monkey"...)]

LMAO I love that!

It's not my job to repair the hate and distrust my friends and family have for him if we ever get back together (don't worry I never would) if he actually gets sober and in recovery. Like it is my fault for telling them what HE has done.

Yea, no way Jose! You did it, you fix it.
Zoenob is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Zoenob For This Useful Post:
CariBegins (08-02-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 01:51 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Blog Entries: 1
It's not my job to console friends & family who suddenly feel displaced because they don't understand the changes in our lives since AH has been living sober.

It's not my job to point out that some of that discomfort is likely due to them judging themselves over their own obvious addictions.

Hello Pot, have you met Kettle?
FireSprite is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post:
BunnyNest (06-20-2012), CariBegins (08-02-2014), choublak (06-22-2012), DefofLov (06-20-2012), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), lillamy (06-20-2012), m1k3 (06-21-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 01:51 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,047
Great thread Grizz!

It's not my job to cover for her...


Originally Posted by grizz View Post
I was on my way home from work yesterday and was thinking about how I, being a codie, try to make sure that everything runs smooth and the waters are calm. And then it hit me, that's not my job! So it will be interesting to see what kind of list can get started of what is not our job.

Its not my job to worry about how my AW reacts or doesnt react to situations.
Cyranoak is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Cyranoak For This Useful Post:
BunnyNest (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-20-2012), fedup3 (06-21-2012), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), m1k3 (06-21-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 01:55 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Newport,Ky
Posts: 14
Not my job to make sure he eats and takes his insulin.
SuzanQ is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to SuzanQ For This Useful Post:
DefofLov (06-20-2012), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012), Zoenob (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 02:11 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,612
Blog Entries: 8
I like the hula-hoop analogy. I imagine myself standing inside a hula-hoop. What's inside the circle is mine to deal with, what's outside the circle...not my problem and I have no control.
Seren is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Seren For This Useful Post:
DefofLov (06-20-2012), desertgirl (06-21-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), Katiekate (06-23-2012), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), m1k3 (06-21-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), Thumper (06-21-2012), wicked (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 03:40 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
JenT1968's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Blog Entries: 1
thank you grizz - great idea for a thread, xAH and I are 9/10 months divorced and I have done pretty well with dropping all the responsibilities of other's that I had picked up, but there were so many it occaissionally occurs that I am still doing some of them,

this week I have realised that it is not my rsponsibility to

-forward his mail (still! all going back return to sender now)
-remind him every month that he has missed the cs payment, if he is late again I am going straight to having it collected centrally.

but shaking the learned responsibility for alleviating and not prompting other people's negative feelings is what I find hardest to drop, I do it on automatic, but I am learning! (slowly......)
JenT1968 is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to JenT1968 For This Useful Post:
BunnyNest (08-03-2014), CariBegins (08-02-2014), DefofLov (06-21-2012), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), LifeRecovery (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), wicked (06-20-2012)
Old 06-20-2012, 03:55 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Adventure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Its not my job to take his urine soaked clothes off MY BED and wash change the urine soaked cushion from MY CHAIR

(yes, tonight, yes, again)
Adventure is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Adventure For This Useful Post:
BunnyNest (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-21-2012), marie1960 (06-20-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), wicked (06-20-2012)
Old 06-21-2012, 06:22 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Thelma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Winchester, VA
Posts: 129
It's not my job to find you things to do other than drinking to keep your mind occupied in your recent "I'm going to get sober on my own and make things right" quest!
And it's not my job to make excuses to your elderly parents why you never answer their calls or go and see them.

Adventure, time to get a lock on that door!!!
Thelma is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Thelma For This Useful Post:
Adventure (06-22-2012), CariBegins (08-02-2014), Cyranoak (06-21-2012), DefofLov (06-21-2012), DG0409 (08-02-2014), pinkdog (06-21-2012)
Old 06-21-2012, 06:37 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
m1k3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
It's not my job to fix the world.
m1k3 is offline  
The Following 19 Users Say Thank You to m1k3 For This Useful Post:
Argnotthisagain (08-03-2014), Bullfrog (08-01-2014), BunnyNest (08-03-2014), CariBegins (08-02-2014), CeciliaV (07-05-2012), Cyranoak (06-21-2012), dbh (08-03-2014), DefofLov (06-21-2012), DG0409 (08-02-2014), FireSprite (06-21-2012), ForgetfulKevin (08-15-2014), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), lillamy (06-23-2012), pinkdog (06-21-2012), RollTide (06-21-2012), stepsforward (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014), Thelma (06-21-2012)
Old 06-21-2012, 07:30 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Survivor
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
It's not my job to fix the world.
Says who? Get back to work slacker! Just kidding.

~~~~~

It's not my job to sober up my family.

It's not my job to help them feel normal by coming around them.

It's not my job to convince them that it is okay for me to distance myself from them.
DefofLov is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to DefofLov For This Useful Post:
Argnotthisagain (08-03-2014), DG0409 (08-02-2014), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), Learn2Live (07-03-2012), m1k3 (06-21-2012), Stung (08-02-2014)
Old 06-21-2012, 07:59 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
QueenOfSwords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Mays Landing, NJ
Posts: 23
It's not my job to console my newly XABF about our break-up and reassure him that he will eventually move on and find someone else.
QueenOfSwords is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to QueenOfSwords For This Useful Post:
BunnyNest (08-03-2014), DG0409 (08-02-2014), fourmaggie (07-03-2012), heartbrokenK (08-03-2014), SoaringSpirits (06-22-2012), Windmills (07-03-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:42 PM.